Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Wednesday weigh in day

Yes, today is my official weigh in day!  It was actually a pleasant weigh in day!  I am down 2.2 pounds.   It puts me firmly back where I was  a week or two ago before my weight popped!!!  (WHEW!)  I was nervous to step on the scales though!  Last night I started eating and just ate WAAAAAY too much food.....I lucked out, and I know it. 

Yesterday I didn't get my extra walk in.....the weather was stormy!  So that was a booo!   But luckily I had gotten my run in early in the day when it was just hot and muggy!   


This is the outside at about 1PM

A few months ago when i was with my Friend in South Carolina for the Cooper River Bridge Run, I had an epiphany and then when I shared that with my friend, she and I set some goals for ourselves.  

My goals were as follows....
My Goals

1.  Beat personal record for 10K which is 1:19  (all running...no walk breaks   this is )  This pace is very close to my PR for a 5K....so it would be nice to go below that pace!   (The PR pace is 12:23 for the 5k and 12:45 for the 10K)
2.  Weight at or  below 180 pounds (51.6 pounds)
3.  Exercise consistently 3x's a week
4.  Track food each day
5.  Stay accountable all year long...checking in on Wednesdays
6.  get totally off diet sodas (again)
7.  take a picture of progress every 10 pounds
8.  large reward will be something fun (extra day, neat site seeing venture, something) at Charleston next year when we smash the 2017 Cooper River Bridge Run

I have consistently managed all of these things through different apps and programs.  But I decided to keep track of everything in one spot......so I went old fashioned.  

I still use the different programs that work for me (Mapmyfitness, myfitnesspal, etc).   But I am compiling everything into one notebook and it's working for me!   


The numbers beside the days of the week are the calorie count, the first number being the amount of calories I ate and the second number being the net calories once my exercise calories are added in.

This is working for me right now.......Next week it may be something different!   That is one thing I have learned on this journey......we are all different and what works for one person will not work for another person.  Furthermore, what works for me today may not work for me next week because of the natural fluctuations in life!   This journey requires us to roll with the punches!   I'm rolling and I'm going to ponder some more of that major epiphany that I had on that trip!   I lost track of that epiphany.......I may have to spend some time today really revisiting those thoughts and some of my reasons for this journey! (No, not at all even thinking about giving up.....just gathering my motivation up around me!)

Monday, June 20, 2016

One persons junk......

Back to the grind......another weekend in the books.   We took this weekend easy.  Jason's knee was bothering him as was the burning pain on the top of my foot.  So we took it easy.  We did some geocaching, hit up a few stores and walked some on the canal.  Nothing strenuous and nothing overly rough on the legs and feet!  

Lander Lock on the Chesapeake and Ohio canal

So the running challenge.   Jason responded to the Thursday  and Friday runs that I wrote about on Friday.  He responded with a nice run to put him 2/10ths  of a mile above me!   I knew that running in Friday night  was out.  I thought about waking up at 5 to run before work on Saturday but that didn't happen.  I then thought about leaving work and stopping at the parking lot right down from his apartment (where we were meeting right after work) and running a circle around the parking lot to get my .21 miles to take the win, hopping in my car, hitting save on the mapmyfitness app and then driving the 1 minute to his house...there would be no way for him to recover!!!  But I decided that was underhanded and that I would 'let' him win this week!  (I may have to pull out that trick in a future week!!!!)

The last few weeks or so I have been really struggling with self image.    Jason is very vocal about telling me that he loves me and that I am beautiful.  Even better his actions stand firm behind his words.  But recently I have struggled with not scoffing at his compliments.    I have laid in bed alone and just wanted to scream and shout and say 'what in the world are you looking at because it's not what I see in the mirror!'  

I have long wondered about something...and it clicked a few weeks ago.   Before I started trying to lose weight about 10-11 years ago I was happy with myself.   I looked in the mirror and I didn't have a problem with
 myself.   I was happy.....but somehow in the last 12 years or so I started to look in the mirror and see something different. A person I wasn't happy with!   I've written for years on here that losing weight is a process that starts within us...it's a deep belief that we are worth it.  Self worth is so important in this journey....because it's not an easy path to change your life!   (Some days and weeks will be easy but some will be difficult as you fight off cravings and say no to something you really want...as you fend of friends and family that mean well and as you claw your way to health!). So what happened to me to go from a gal that felt self worth to someone that looked in the mirror and said 'eewww'??   A crappy marriage happened to me.    My ex husband NEVER said anything about my weight!  I will give him credit on that front.  He was always passively supportive of me going to weight watchers and going for runs and whatever. But his disinterest in me as a woman and marital partner took its toll on my self worth.  Actions speak louder than words!   Waaaaay louder!   And I felt unworthy, ugly and yes....fat!   When things started going south in my marriage I decided to lose weight....for a man...to make my husband love me!!!!   Of course it didn't work....his problems went way deeper than a few pounds on or off of my body (if I can call 130 pounds a 'few pounds'. Hahaha)  by the time I finally stopped accepting responsibility for his actions of disinterest it was too late.   The seeds of poor self worth had already been firmly implanted in my head.    I learned this feeling....it came because someone (who is obviously stupid...I can say that now it took me years to get to that point) who was supposed to love and treasure me did not do their job that hey had vowed to do.  Through no fault of my own (well the only fault of mine was marrying him and staying married as long as I did...but that's a whole different story!) I have a skewed view of myself!

So how does one shake these feelings and beliefs?  

 I think the first part is just accepting that while some people don't see value...others will.   It's the old adage that  'one persons junk is another persons treasure'.   For me this happened through friends in my life that showed me in their actions that I was a good friend, that I was an awesome person just the way I was.   It was someone telling me that I was lovable! (And I will forever be grateful for the people in my life ...most of whom are sadly no longer in my life....their purpose in my life is over and life moved us on in differing directions....but I have thanked them!)

The second part, and much more difficult part I think is simply to 'fake it until you make it'.     When you are given a compliment, learn to (force yourself to) accept it graciously!!!!  The compliments will keep coming...accept them all!   Don't scoff and roll your eyes.   Accept them graciously!   By accepting them and actually going through the motions of at least acting like you believe them you are admitting there might be some validity!   Slowly you'll believe them more and more!!!   Retrain your mind!!!!

There will always be stupid people that won't see our value and will through their actions make us feel inferior.   There will always be cruel people that will see our value but it scares them because they see more value in us then themselves so they will do things to put us down.  

Fat....thin...chunky....string bean....pleasingly plump....model thin....it doesn't matter we are all gorgeous in our own way!!!!  And I know this is a cliche but it it absolutely correct, 'true beauty comes from within'.   The most gorgeous woman in the world becomes ugly when they start spewing filth and hatred from their mouth!   The most handsome man becomes undesirable when we see him kick a puppy!  (or whatever!!). 

I'm a work in progress....and while I have made great leaps and bounds to rediscovering my self worth, I will continue to fake it until I make it because I KNOW I am worth the effort!  (We all are!!)

  

Friday, June 17, 2016

The jury is in

So yesterday I was debating a run at the gym after work.    I hate the treadmill...but I knew that I was  3.66 miles behind Jason in the mileage challenge and that if I didn't run I very well would fall helplessly and hopelessly behind if he ran today.   But I really didn't want to do it!

I changed my clothes at work so that I didn't have any thought, excuse or even time to pause.   I wanted to drive right there and just get it over with!!!!

I did it!!!

Yes I did say that I was 3.66 behind.  It was no coincidence that I stopped running when I was one hundredth of a mile ahead of him.   

So this morning....I knew he was planning on running....I had to run!!!!   4.53 miles later and I was shot!!!!  My legs were done!!!

So I sit at 4.54 miles ahead.  Let's see if I that's enough for the win!!!

My eating is pretty well under control at the moment.   I'm just working on being 'normal' with eating.  Nothing crazy in either direction...normal!!!!


Thursday, June 16, 2016

Sneaky plans to run

Running this week is just being foiled at every turn!!!!   

I got a run in on Tuesday morning at 5:15 in the morning (yes in the morning...kinda shocked  me too!!).   My foot was bothering me this last weekend so unwanted to take it slow and easy.  I only ran about 2.5 miles.    Jason went running also on Tuesday (6 miles for him) so almost immediately I found myself 3.66 miles behind!!!  Grrrrr. 

Not a problem....I would just run another 5:15 run on Wednesday morning to catch up!   Wednesday morning was wiped out because my stomach was feeling icky.  (Ok and maybe also because I had stayed up watching a movie until midnight Tuesday night!.).  

Not a problem....I would run Wednesday night.....except I didn't get home until 8:20 and I was hungry!   Yes I could have run hungry and reheated my pizza up as a delicious post run meal but seriously that pizza smelled so deliciously garlicky, running stood no chance!!!

Thursday morning!!!!  I would wake up early and knock out a super long run!!!!  I didn't have to work until noon so it was perfect!!    I woke up.  I got dressed and I made it to the door.   BOOM!!!  Yeah I guess I forgot to check the weather!   Rain is one thing.....lightening is another! By the time the rain was over I was in the throes of a cat emergency.   (Ethel  is ok....but I was busy with that until literally minutes before I left for work!) 

It's supposed to rain and hail and tornado warnings for tonight...so running outside is looking spectacularly washed out.    Arrrggghh!!!   Must I go to the gym (that I pay for and rarely use) tonight to run on the treadmill to make up these miles???  

The good thing is that Jason's plans to run have also been way-laid so he hasn't added more miles to totally blow me out of the water!  However has told me that he is definitely running tomorrow!  So I really do need to make up these 3.66 miles so that tomorrow I don't sink deeper into the loser abyss!  

I hate the treadmill!  But I hate losing! Even worse, I REALLY hate to lose by a landslide!   Oh why is this decision to go to the gym so painful!!!  (It would shock him to see the mileage pop up...which admittedly does make the gym idea a bit better!!)

And just in case you are wondering, it hasn't escaped me that my motivation is winning and not any overwhelming desire to run!!!   (Actually I do want to run....just outside! Wow, don't I sound whiny?!).   But do you know what?    Whatever motivates us at any given moment is what matters.  Next week I may run mad miles because I'm motivated by a PR at my next run.  Maybe I'll run extra miles to counter act a piece of pizza.   Or maybe I will run like the wind because I'm motivated to buy a new dress (I'm not a clothes horse so not likely!).   It doesn't matter!  It's motivation!

Motivation for me is like a rolling wave on the ocean.....ever changing shape and size.  Some weeks the 'wave' is huge and carries me.  Sometimes it's a flat surface and I sit still.  It also changes appearances.   Sometimes I am motivated by winning a competition, sometimes I am motivated by intrinsic desires to lose weight, sometimes I'm motivated by a record or a streak (i.e. I have been Tracking every day for the last two hundred some days days...I don't want to mess up the streak) a dress I want to fit into or a person in my life, or whatever!  It's ever changing and evolving!!  I have learned to roll with it!!

Right now, I just know I have to run like the wind TODAY or I may be irreversibly behind in the weekly mileage challenge!   Time will tell if that is enough to motivate me enough to get to the gym!!! 



Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Poisonous

Last night we walked on the Chesapeake and Ohio Canal.   The weather was fabulous!!!   The squirrels were enjoying the evening.  We saw numerous pairs of them running together, jumping from tree to tree.  We enjoyed watching  the turtles in the water.   The bright red cardinals were chirping and fluttering around trying to impress their female counterparts (or maybe protecting the nests of their young...who knows...it's more romantic to say trying to impress their love interest right?).    We  even got to see a brave and bold deer drinking only a few feet away.  (He finally retreated about 5 feet and waited for us to pass by before moving back to his original position). 


Today???
The alarm went off at 5AM.  I so did NOT want to move!   Really?  Who in their right mind runs that early????  

My mind's mean and negative Mini Me  tried to talk me out of it.  "MaryFran, you've been having that burning pain on the top of your foot the last day or two...maybe you shouldn't run". (Basically a pinched or compressed nerve....and I am taking care of it).  And. "MaryFran, it's still dark....barely light". And of course the ever present "MaryFran come on now the bed is so comfortable sleep the extra hour away"

Luckily for me there was also the voice of health happiness and well maybe just a little competitivness in there too!  That voice, in a much friendlier tone said... (And imagine this as sounding something like angels singing) "MaryFran, if you don't run you will start to fall behind Jason in the mileage challenge and you hate hate hate to lose!!"   And "your doing so good with running, if you stop you will lose your momentum".   I think it even gleefully sang the words "Look MaryFran, you just wiggled your foot and didn't feel even a twinge of pain....this run is yours!!"   

So earlier I asked 'Who in their right mind runs at 5AM?'     Apparently I'm not in my right mind...because I was done with my run by shortly after 6!

It wasn't an easy run.  Things went awry on this run!   

I went slow because of my foot.  (Which didn't hurt until after the run was completed).   That not really awry but I don't like the higher numbers!

About a half mile into my run my headphones began to speak to me.  That's not a good sign....because the only thing they ever say is 'charge me'.   From that first warning you only get about 5 -10 more minutes before they shut down completely.   So yeah.  I ran more than half of my run without music (they are on the charger now!!!)

And well....I went to the bathroom before I left the house but I really had to go starting at about the mile mark!   It's not fun running and clenching your muscles tight!!!

Physically I felt well enough to continue....but with everything happening (and I did have to get ready for work so my time was short) I called it a completed victory after about 2.5 miles!

As I ran today....in silence... I was pondering my father and what he is going through.  I know I've alluded to some stress and worry about my dad.  He was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks back.   He started chemotherapy yesterday.  (Trying to halt the growth and shrink the tumor and the spots that have metatastasized to make any eventual surgery more successful.) 

What kept going through my head was the 'poison' that they are pumping into him.  Because yes, that's exactly what chemo is....a poison that kills ...hopefully attacking primarily the cancer cells.  It is a necessary poison that we hope and pray keeps him alive! 

   But what kept going through my head was that I frequently find myself putting non nutritious food (poison I might say) into my body on a daily basis and don't think twice about it!    A little harsh?  Yeah definitely.....because eating a Reece's cup isn't considered poison....and a piece of cake isn't alone going to kill me. But all put together and ingested with no control and no care about my health, they could kill me.  Obesity kills.  Diabetes kills.  The unhealthy food choices are not building my body up...they are tearing me down.   It's just as poisonous...just oh so much more subtle!





Monday, June 13, 2016

Rambunctious Reptile

Monday and back to the grind!!!  It was a busy weekend.  :-)

I didn't come out of the weekend weighing less.  That disappoints me.  We were active and my eating wasn't  too far out of whack!  So it should have been less!!

And when I added in my exercise for a net ...it's pretty good!!


So I feel as if I did good....but the weight just didn't fall. It could be TOM. Or it could be a touch of dehydration.   Saturday was HOT!!!   I know I didn't pee anywhere near what I usually do!!!   And I know on both Sunday and today I woke up thirsty which is a bad sign.   So I'm not going to panic.   I am just going to drink up and keep moving on and trust that the activity and on target eating will level out and I will see results!    This journey is not a fast one....it is one that requires patience!   Patience is not a strong trait of mine....guess it is time to learn!!!

So this weekend, I already said that I was pretty good with my food.  I was also pretty active!

On Friday I got off work and we headed up for a late afternoon/early evening hike at Caledonia Stare Park. We checked out the furnace...

And hit a few trails.... Some easy ones like a history trail, but also some that were rated more difficult 

On Saturday we headed south to the Front Royal area.   We hit up the trail leading to Buzzard Rock. 

It was hot hot hot!!!

Drenched with sweat!!

I had a great trauma on this hike!   We were heading up the mountain and a huge snake jumped out and slithered across my foot!   I screamed!  The snake slithered away back to the relative safety of the side of the trail!   It was huge!!!!   Ok...it was not really huge....

It was probably more scared than I!  Jason's comment, "I'm glad you didn't step on him...it would have killed the little thing."    

Great trauma!!!

We also did some swimming at the hotel pool on Saturday!

On Sunday we got up and headed out. We explored an old graveyard!   I loved this undated stone.

"Mammy". Emily Early Faithful servant and friend  for four generations

I wish I could find out more about this mammy!!   It totally sparked my interest!  Jason wants to go back to get a charcoal  tracing so that we can try to make out the words on the bottom!

After our adventure in the graveyard we headed to Bluemont, VA and hopped onto the Appalachian Trail.    We just enjoyed the sights!   And the Bears Den Rocks are pretty cool and gave nice views!!





After our hike, we did a bit of geocaching on our way home.    Another great weekend!!!

Mileage for the weekend was right at about 20-25 miles.  Not amazingly tons of miles but respectable nonetheless!!!



Friday, June 10, 2016

Zzzzzzz

I am sooo happy to announce that Panera Bread has brought back their summer menu!   

For me, that means the Strawberry chicken poppyseed salad!  It's always a sad sad day when it goes away for the fall....especially since nothing as good replaces it!!


I am trying to eat more fruits and veggies so this salad being one of my favs in terms of salad combinations is a welcome addition to have back!!!!

I am enjoying the increase of fruits and veggies.   Not every day is perfect yet...but I am actually enjoying the increase!   

I'm tired today!!!!!  I kept waking up last night....I fell right back to sleep but maybe that's the reason!   Who knows!  I'm not going to let it bother me.  I'm tough I'll power through!

On Wednesday I did get out on my lunch break and walked.   It was gorgeous....but a bit windy....my skirt wanted to fly!!!!    I usually walk a circuit around this little town....but on Wednesday I headed up the hill toward the cemeteries!  
Here is the old Lutheren Cemetery....
And the entrance to the Antietam National Cemetery...


 I had a purpose for going toward the cemeteries....A geocache of course! 


A nice mile and a half on my legs!

After work, Jason and I went to a local park and walked 3 more miles.   Being in the woods is just refreshing and rejuvenating!  (When I was married I hit the canal a lot for that same reason!)

Yesterday I ended up taking a sick day from work in order to drive my dad to Baltimore for a test at a hospital down there.   Since I had the morning off too...I ran 4.22 miles, mowed all the properties, trimmed some trees, Went to sam's club and did some laundry....all before leaving for the hospital in Baltimore at around lunchtime.    All in all I put 8 miles on my legs.   Not a bad day.

My weight is up a bit today.   Could be water retention or any number of things! Who knows.  I'm not going to worry about it...my eating wasn't that far off yesterday!!!  (I ate 1634 calories but still had leftover 'earned calories left at the end of the day!)

Hoping to get some good walking and hiking in this weekend.   We don't know where yet....but if we have much say it will be some place pretty!!!