Sunday, August 31, 2008
Today, I've gone over my points. I've eaten mostly fruits and veggies though. :-) Not to mention that I worked outside, hard manual labor for 6 hours today. So I'm sure I"ll be OK today. The worst that today may bring me is some water weight. Although I did drink and drink and drink all throughout the day. :-)
Not much new to report. I FINALLY for the first time since March was able to say that I was caught up with all the chipping and shredding (using the wood chipper, making mulch). But, as soon as I turned it off, Todd asked me to help him....and we took down about 3 more trees....I organized the limbs and cut wood into two piles. Firewood pile and a pile to be chipped. (We don't have a fireplace so it's not like we need tons of firewood). I won't be able to start chipping that pile for at least 2-4 weeks. IT chips better if it's dry. I got a bit of sunburn on my shoulders today as I as wearing a tank top. Lets see...I got pretty much caught up on laundry. Tomorrow I"ll do towels and sheets...but for the most part I'm caught up. :-)
Tonight I'm just hanging out, Todd and I just finished watching a movie that we had started last night (that I fell asleep on). I"m just playing on photo shop, messin' with some pictures. Just playin'!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
My weight dropped again this morning.....down to 183.6. That's 1.4 pounds down from yesterday and 3.8 from two days ago. Who knows what's happening. But hey, it's going down! Tha's all that matters!
Friday, August 29, 2008
I've been at this weight for just about a year now. It's really frustrating. For most of that time, I've exercised religiously, 6 days a week. (there have weeks here and there that have seen me fall off the exercise band-wagon, but never for long...and few and far between). I've made healthy choices with my food. (yeah, this is a lifestyle, I've splurged here and there also). But lets look at this in a healthy light. I've kept a whole lot of weight off for a YEAR. I didn't balloon back up 30 pounds and then lose it to get back to where I am now. I've kept each and every pound off. Well, within my preset 5 pound allotment. (I decided a while ago that I would be ok with my weight flucuating up 5 pounds from my lowest). I've only gone over that 5 pound flex allotment 2 or three times. Once was last year at christmas...it was a week of christmas parties coupled with a a surprise birthday party for me...oh and a mini vacation the same week. And then this week I'm over my 5 pound allotment. How far over......maybe 2 pounds. Nothing major. Just enough to freak me out! If I look at this realistically, I've managed something that many people can not do. I've not only lost 130 pounds...I've kept it off for a year! (135 if you take the low end of my five pound radius). The longer I can keep it off, the better my odds for doing it for a lifetime. How can I not be totally excited about this!
Not much new in normal 'life' stuff. Things are still backwards crazy for me. Life will just not let up. But all I can do is keep going full steam ahead and hope that someday (soon preferably) that things right themselves!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
I went out to the living room and started messing around on my computer. I just switched my adobe photo shop program (from one adobe photo shop to another) so that I can utilize the organize/catalogue feature. I'm pretty excited about this as organizing my pics has been something that I've wanted to do for quite some time. But I digress. I sat out there trying to talk myself into getting up and getting on the exercise bike. It just wasn't happening. Todd came out and he mentioned going to the gym. I think he picked up on my lack of motivation, it would have been hard to miss. When he suggested moving the canning shelf into the house (he painted it out on the screened in porch yesterday) I jumped at that! ANYTHING to avoid the gym. Well, whatdya know...the paint was still wet. SHUCKS. SOOOO off we went to the gym. I exercised for 60 minutes at a pretty high intensity. Yeah yeah yeah....felt good.
My weight...up 2/10ths of a pound. Now there is absolutely NO reason on earth why I would be up today! This is just absolutely crazy! Meanwhile, I sit here just feeling bloated and miserable. Yeah, I feel bloated and icky. There is no easy reason why I would be retaining water. I've been drinking my water. It's not that time of the month, I haven't eaten super high sodium foods. It just makes absolutely no sense. *Edit* I just had a new thought in the past I've eaten and I feel no effects of being 'bigger'.......but oh my word, I feel so 'fat' and bloated. Is my body finally willing to tell me when I've gained a little??? Is my body finally willing to say "stop"?????
Other than that, not much new happening here. Oh yeah, I joined in on a project....to take one picture a day of anything I want (something that defines my life, my day, my emotions...) for a year. Should be an interesting montage when it's done.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
***I didn't get any exercise in today. Well, I did work in the kitchen for hours on end. I canned a bushel of pears and a half bushel of peaches. Does that count?
***My weight. I am really stumped. My weight has gone up again. There is absolutely no logic behind my weight! I''m way way way up! Devastatingly up! As in 187 pounds. I"m up like 5 pounds in the last few days! WHAT in the world??????????
***Life continues to scream obscenities at me. Just getting tired of it all......but I see no end in sight to the issues.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I'm just having a really rough couple days. Something came up, a personal issue that will remain un-talked about in this blog/journal. But this issue just hit me super hard. I feel as if the rug has been yanked out from under me. I just want to curl up in a ball and let the world pass me by for a bit while I recover. Unfortunately, that isn't the way that life works. I forced myself to be super productive this morning. I did two huge loads of laundry and have them out of the line, I prepared banana slices for dehydrating (they are dehydrating as we speak), I made banana muffins (no fear, I put pecans in them....I don't like nuts so no temptation there). I made a full breakfast for my honey. We went for a walk. I cleaned and vacuumed the house. I also made it to work on time at noon. And here I sit. Work is VERY slow today....I'm trying to stay busy so that I do not dwell on this issue. That's easier said than done.
Meanwhile, I'm really debating....do I try another weight watcher meeting tonight? Is it even worth my time with the way that I'm feeling? After the fiasco of a meeting that I went to last week I'm actually sorta dreading going to another meeting. (nope, not going back to the one from last week). I know that I sooo need to go to a meeting. I need to find a meeting that I can call my own and feel a part of. I need to get myself back under control. But to go when I just feel like crying??????
Monday, August 25, 2008
My weight...still holding steady. I am however at the top of my 5 pound range that I seem to stay within. So I have to be really careful! I am actually somewhat amazed that I'm holding steady. My eating of late has not been all that great. Ohhh it hasn't been terrible, but I've not been eating as healthy and as on point as I could be eating. I've been exercising, and I use that as my 'excuse' as to why I'm eating more. I say things like, "well, I'm eating this extra such and such, but I exercised today so it is a wash when it comes down to it." Well, my eyes were just opened by a somewhat innocent remark from a friend. If I want to lose the weight, I need to stop doing that. Exercise is NOT an excuse to eat more. Not while I'm trying to continue to lose weight. Yeah, I know that some days when I have a killer workout, that I may actually end up eating a bit more, my body will need it. BUT not on a consistent basis. For a while I would eat something and automatically calculate exactly how much exercise I would have to do in order to work off what I was eating. I did this especially with some of those 'special foods' or anytime I went above and beyond the planned intake of food. I need to get back to that. Because let me tell you, when I would realize that I'd have to ride my bike for such and such time, or walk for umpteen hours, or whatever.....the food just didn't seem worth it anymore!
Yesterday, I was very active. We got up and did the whole gym thing. However when that was over we went to Williamsport. This past weekend was the annual Canal Days there. Now Williamsport isn't a huge thriving metropolis or anything...but we parked in the middle of Williamsport and walked down to the basin (on the canal). We walked around down there a bit before getting ready to head up to the park at the other end of the town. We actually were going to pay the $1 a piece and ride on the trolley up to the park (they had a trolley running back and forth all day). We waited for the trolley, but when it came, it was full of people and there was no room. SOOOO we decided to use shoe leather express. We talked about it...and how we should have opted to walk in the first place. So we got to the park and did the whole circuit around the park. We stopped to talk to some people that we knew but we were on our feet the whole time. :-) Not to mention some shopping.....and the grocery store(and putting it all away, cleaning and preparing the fruits and veggies....and dishing out the ice cream into individual containers and all the prep work I did on the food when I got it home!)
While we were out in our travels yesterday, I saw a sale on bathing suits. Now I have a bathing suit.....but uhhhh it's a size 24. Teee hee hee. I used that one last year. I don't have a place to swim regularly...so this is pretty much really only at a hotel when Todd and I are travelling or something, and it's more a relaxing swim and sit in the hot tub, so I've just held onto the suit with one hand and gone with the flow. BUT, this sale.......they didn't have many options for me....but $8 bucks for a suit that normally cost $40 or $50 (these are suits that I've looked at all summer because $40-50 is still a good deal in it's own right). I couldn't pass it up. The problem you may be asking???? Well, they didn't have my size...yeah yeah yeah, like I even know what size I would wear. OK seriously, I'm wearing most size 12 stuff. They only had the suit in size 8. I bought it. I told Todd..."if I never wear it, then someone at goodwill will have a brand new suit...and we will have just made someone very happy" Well, I brought it home and just for a laugh I tried it on. I know that bathing suits have a little leeway for sizes. Yeah, the suit is tight...but if I had to wear it tomorrow..I could. Crazy crazy crazy....does this mean that I may actually get down to a size 8??????? Even if it is just a bathing suit???????
We have a family member that has a drug and alcohol problem (on my husbands side of the family). He's been totally sober for the last few years....living in a 'safe' setting. He moved away from that setting on TUESDAY into a place of his own. But just on Saturday night he went off on a binge...called us all drunk (and yesterday also). In the past I had no sympathy for him when I heard about it. But you know what.....having come to grips with my own addiction and how much of a pull it has on me.....I actually really feel bad for him. Yes, he is in control of his own destiny and I do not condone it at all...but how many times to I fail with my own addiction to food? Over and over and over. Yeah, I have to confront my addiction numerous times each day and an alcoholic can take steps to avoid the temptation totally....but when I fail, it's not life threatening (generally speaking) ..it means I gain a few pounds. I just actually could really empathize with his situation, even while we were telling him on the phone that if he doesn't get himself straightened out, our support that we give him will end immediately. But it was just really interesting to view it from the perspective of having now freely admitting that I have an addiction also.
Woke up early this morning and rode the bike for 45 minutes. My calves are sore now. I guess it's a combination of yesterday and today's exercise. Who knows!
I'm determined to stay 100% on this plan today!!!! No ifs ands or buts!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
I woke up this morning at around 3 or 4. I really struggled with getting back to sleep. I don't know why. Finally at 5:30 or so I gave up and got ready for work (nope, didn't have to be here until 8). The question of the hour....why in the heck didn't I exericise this morning? I really should have. Yeah, I'll be in the kitchen most of the afternoon and evening working on canning green beans, so I'll at least be moving...but really, I should have exercised! Mental lapse or something.
Nope, didn't weigh myself either! I can at least say that I did NOT binge or overeat this morning! I had toast for breakfast....yeah yeah yeah...maybe not totally the low carb, bread/pasta limiting plan I set out to do this week...but hey, what's a girl to do?
Friday, August 22, 2008
My weight, down a hair this morning....still up...but going back down...and I'm at the top end of that 5 pound range that my body seems to like......so I'm glad to be going back down!
Nothing much else to say. I think I have to do more green beans this weekend. Who knows what else!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Ok, does it help to know that the 100 cal packs that I dove into last night are GONE GONE GONE! No temptation left there! I guess that's a good thing! (and in case you want to know...it was the chocolate covered pretzel 100 cal packs.....bad bad bad thing to have in the house!)
Yes, I exercised this morning. At least there is something positive!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I get frustrated about my weight loss...or lack thereof. But in reality, I guess I should be tickled pink...because my body is holding steady at this weight...pretty much within the same 5 pound range since last November. I've been holding this weight for almost a year. That is actually a positive...and a HUGE victory in itself....how many people can lose 130 pounds and maintain for a year? Yeah, I've been trying to lose (I'll admit that some weeks it's been a half hearted attempt)...but maybe for the long term benefit, this will be best. They say slow and steady is the best and will give the best long term results! Who knows!
I was talking to a friend just recently.....one that had lost a good deal of weight...but quickly. Started looking through some pictures of her (on her website). Oh my word, she's gaining it back AND fast! BUT good news on the friend front. My friend that lost a lot of weight...ordered her wedding dress and then gained weight and couldn't fit into the dress........she can now wear the dress again. (with less than 1.5 months before the wedding, she fits back into her dress!) Congrats to her! But you know what...these stories and discoveries.....my my my...just a reminder to me about how quickly it can all be gained right back AND how thankful I am that I've been able to maintain my current loss for so long!
I tried a new weight watcher meeting last night. They closed the meeting that I was attending, and to be honest, I wasn't at all pleased with the leader there anyway. I was excited about this new meeting. It was the perfect timing for me...and the perfect place...only about 6 miles from my house!
The meeting...oh my word. TERRIBLE! The people didn't talk amongst each other. Which is something that is really a big motivational tool for me. I like the interaction of the members. That is where some of the best motivation and ideas and support comes from. I sat down and the room was QUIET as we waited for the meeting to start. THEN, the leader started. And somehow she was talking about the healthy guidelines. Now as you know, these guidelines are not just pulled out of the sky by weight watchers. They are actually the basic guidelines of eating that is recommended by nutritionists. Well..this leader started talking and to paraphrase told us that to lose weight we really need to only focus on getting in the healthy oils and the water consumption. She went on to say that yeah, they say to eat 5 fruits and veggies a day, but that's pretty much ridiculous and near impossible! WHAT???? Come on now...on an average I eat about 7 a day! By the time I'm done with lunch today I'll already have 5 down the hatch...and I'll add more with dinner! So she thinks she can just throw out the healthy guidelines that she has problems with? I would have been OK if she would have said, "I struggle with my fruits and veggies...but I'm anal about getting in my water and my oil' or something like that. She also conducted the meeting and herself in that her way was the ONLY way to do this. Rubbed me wrong. I've been doing this long enough to know that there are tons of different ways to complete this journey...and not only that..but as I journey down this path, I have to change the way I do it periodically as my body changes and adjusts! Ohhh yeah, and she didn't even do a celebration period. Not that I had anything to celebrate (I didn't weigh in)...but I get motivated when I hear of other people succeeding!!!!
So next week (Tuesday night meeting also) I'm going to swing to another place for a 7PM meeting. I was actually so disappointed with the meeting that I would have gone to the this other meeting last night if the meeting that I attended would have ended 15 minutes early, giving me the time to drive to that meeting! I'm really really really hoping that this next weeks meeting is a good one. Because if not, I'll be forced to jump from meeting to meeting depending on my schedule for the week. (My schedule changes weekly). And I really do not want to do that as I thrive on the interaction that I have received from my co-meeting attendees.
I hope you are doing GREAT!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Why didn't I have the time this morning to upload a few measly pictures? Well, I actually didn't wake up until just before 8AM. Last night we stayed up late watching the Olympics. Upon getting up we got our breakfasts ready and eaten and then we headed to the gym. I worked myself out pretty hard. I only did cardiovascular today. I really need to get myself back into the strength training stuff. It's been over a week since I did any strength training. NOT good. I can usually stay pretty motivated with the cardio stuff...but for some reason strength training seems to fall by the wayside way too often! What's up with that? But anyway, I got a good hour of high intensity exercise in!
My weight. Well, I knew yesterday that I wasn't drinking enough water. I knew when I went to bed. I knew when I woke up. (my ring was tight....retaining water). So when I stepped onto the scale and saw 1 pound up from where I was yesterday I was not shocked!
I enjoyed my 'free' day of not counting yesterday. I can look back and see that other than the dessert, I was probably not too far over my points. But you know what...I'm not going to officially go back and count. Tis not worth it! (and even the dessert was split in half with my husband!) I'm remembering back to when I first really started to lose weight. I gave myself 'free days'. And upon looking back I realized that when I say free, I didn't give myself permission to eat like a starving pig or to only eat junk food. I gave myself a day of freedom from being really strict with what I was eating. I gave myself the freedom of actually trying to make sure that what i was eating was doable within the budget. I still chose wisely..I just didn't worry about it as much. And you know what...it worked for me. I stopped doing it for whatever now unknown reason....so I've decided to pick it back up! Just to see if it works for me. Who knows if it will..but I think it's worth a try!
Other than that, I'm tired. I just feel sluggish. What's wrong with this picture???
Monday, August 18, 2008
We spend the morning at Old Bedford Village. This is a place that I had visited as a young girl and I know that it had a profound impact upon me and my eventual love of history. SO I was excited to go. We walked around and enjoyed all the aspects of history that was displayed throughout the village. (ok, I'm royally bothered, blogger.com will not let me load my pictures due to an 'internal error' blah blah blah! I'll post the pics tomorrow)
After the morning at the village, we ate lunch at a really cool old Tavern. Jean Bonnet Tavern, which is right on Route 30. The food was excellent and the building was really neat. From there we went to Helixville Winery, where we were able to sample some wines that were made on the premises (and bought some to boot). We left there and headed to the highly touted Gravity Hill. Uhhhhh what a bust! It gave me no illusion of being gravity defying....but to each his own!
The last thing we did before heading home was to go visit the Flight 93 memorial (temporary) in Shanksville, PA. It was sobering to visit this memorial and to remember the terror that we felt during those awful hours on 9-11. The picture on the left is the wall of things that people have recently brought and left. They leave them up temporarily and then they take them down, clean them up and catalogue them. The guide told us that they have more than 30,000 items that have been left in memory. They hope to use some in the permanent memorial that they are currently planning and raising money to build. The picture on the left shows the field in which the plane came down. (the only pictures it would let me post today were these. I guess that is actually a good thing...because these pictures are much more serious than any of my other silly pictures!)
Sunday, August 17, 2008
*I push mowed my parents properties today. SO there was about an hour of walking and pushing the mower. I uhhh, had some problems. I mowed over a flower bed and took down a tree that dad planted this summer (hey, next time weed it so I can see that it's a flower bed!) And well.....the front garden hose....I uhhh...kinda ran over it with the mower.
*Mom and I went to the mall. I bought some shoes to match my vintage dress (yeah yeah yeah, the one I can't fit into yet) and I got some free panties from Victoria's Secret. Oh yeah, and a new bra. W e went back to mom and dad's place and I fell asleep and slept for about 3 hours. (Yep, great visit with my mom...lol...but as mom said, it's what I must have needed...don't you love mommies!)
*My weight dropped again today. What??? I have no clue why! IN fact, the monthly ick hit today.....my weight normally is up on a day like this. SO I have no clue. I've binged a bit tonight though, so I don't know. I just couldn't stop eating! I have stopped now...but only because my stomach is like STUFFED!
*I"m off tomorrow. Todd and I are thinking about going up to Old Beford Village in PA. I went there when I was a kid.....and I fell in love with history..and I can credit some of that falling in love to Old Bedford Village. SO I"m excited to go tomorrow. I told dad though....I'll probably be so disappointed...and my childhood memory will be a bust! LOL Todd wants to go to Shanksville since we will be in that general area (about 30-40 miles away). Who knows what else we'll find to get into!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
I rode the bike this morning.....about 45 minutes of a ride. My legs are finally recovering from my marathon canning and harvesting session on Wednesday. Just in time to do it all again! Yep, there are about 2 more beds that need picked and preserved! Meanwhile, I'm seriously contemplating doing some more dehydrating/drying of produce. I LOVE dried apples. SO I'm thinking I may pick up some at the orchard very soon and dry some! 1 apple slice (no sugar added) can NOT be many calaries or points!
Today is grocery day in our household. I spent some time in the early part of the week updating and re-organizing my coupon book. Then yesterday morning I created the menu of meals for this week. Last night I created a grocery list for those meals. Todd gave me his list of wants. And today while here at work I'll just scan through the coupons to see what I have that matches the list. I'll also look through the grocery sale flyer to match up any great deals with great coupons. :-) So after work, I'll go home, grab lunch and then head off to town to the grocery shopping.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Meanwhile, I'm kicking into high gear my carb down plan. I admit that I'm a carb-a-holic. I love bread and pasta! And I have known for some time that I have to limit my intake. Well...I can honestly say that I've allowed extra to creep back into my diet. SO I'm trying to focus on allowing myself a carb (bread or pasta....I'm not counting the natural carbs from fruits and veggies) once a day. So tonight is pasta....so I didn't have oatmeal or toast for breakfast. I did not include a sandwich in the lunch I packed. For breakfast I had scrambled eggs and a sliced apple. Lunch was a salad, green beans (surprise eh), and applesauce. Tonight is pasta. YUMMY! We'll see how that works. Hopefully the combination of dropping some un-needed carbs AND switching up what I'm eating will knock me out of the ballpark with weight loss!
Sometimes, I kick myself for weighing everyday. I wonder why I do it. I mean, do I really need to know each day? Well yeah. because what happens if I have a stellar week...but then boom, i start to retain water the day of my weekly weigh in! Too bad..... AND, I know me...if I don't weigh myself, I tend to worry about what my weight is endlessly!! But I only weigh Once a day. I am not one of these scale addicted people. Once a day for me!
Still bummed about the going on's in my world. But moving and poking along this course of life.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
This is a picture that was snapped of Todd and I at Idlewild park last week. (ok, ok ok...so that was a week ago today. I've been meaning to put it on her since then...but I just kept getting sidetracked). Why am I putting this on here? Well, because I saw it and was shocked at my face! It's like soooo thin!
On Tuesday night I was at the city park with my brothers family and his kids. I was at the jungle gym with my niece. My dad decided to join us and he told my mom later ...crying...that he totally didn't recognize me. Hmmmmm.....
After the weight watcher meeting I rushed back to the business...where we have scads of green beans planted. It was a green bean harvest day. I (ok...Todd and I) picked green beans for about 3-4 hours. We picked about 3 bushels of green beans (below is pictured about 2.5 bushels of green beans....I gave a 1/2 bushel to my mom).
So you can imagine how I spent my Wednesday. CANNING GREEN BEANS! 127 jars later and I was finished. From start to finish (including picking time) I spent well over 19 hours working..and on my feet the whole time. I sat down twice...once to eat lunch and once to eat dinner...probably 5-10 minutes each time) Nope, I didn't get exercise in yesterday. Does it matter though? My body is more sore than it would be had I made it to the gym. (picking is a matter of squatting and lunging and bending....for hours on end; canning is moving heavy canners full of jars and water....pressure canners....lugging around bushels of beans, etc etc etc). Today I'm just plain exhausted. I got VERY little sleep last night. Lets just say I went to bed just a little before sunrise. And here I am at work....bright eyed and bushy tailed!
Eating yesterday. Well, I rushed out of the house so quickly to get my official weigh in completed that I didn't eat breakfast. I grabbed a fiber Wasa bar that I ate on the way to the garden. Zero points. Todd picked us up subs for lunch. So I had a half of Italian sub with a bag of sun chips and a Diet Pepsi. And then for dinner Todd ran out and got a pizza. SO I had half of a large pizza. (thin crust). And then at about midnight I nibbled on a weight watcher cookie. With the amount of movement and activity that I did yesterday, I'm thinking that the poor food choices will not derail me too far. BUT, the sodium will get me. Oh yeah.....When Todd came back with dinner he brought me a 2 liter of diet Sunkist. YEP, by the time I finally went to bed, I had downed 2 liters of diet soda. That on top of the 32 ounce diet Pepsi I had earlier. (Diet soda has sodium!) YIKES! This from a girl that very rarely even drinks one can!!!
Today I'm all set to be totally on target with my eating. It's all planned out! Exercise will be the problem today. I'm exhausted....from not getting sleep AND muscle wise. No worries though...it's all good.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I guess I'm even more frustrated because I need to get to a meeting in order to get processed as a lifetime member. Today I'm right on the cusp of my weight range...AGAIN. So quite honestly, I'm not going. I'm hoping that my weight drops some later this week and I can get that processed sometime this week. I'm just so frustrated that I can scream!
Looking back....I've been within 5 pounds of my current weight since last NOVEMBER! I am fast approaching one year of this stupid plateau! Come on now! I will readily admit that there was a few weeks here and there where I just put away the journal and didn't keep track of what I'd eaten. But for 99.9% of the time I've kept meticulous records. I've had people look at my journal........I'm eating correctly. I've had people suggest to eat more or less points....Nope...that has no effect. Kick up the exercise????? No budging! I'm not eating horribly. This last week...last Thursday I did have a Jr cheeseburger at the amusement park...with apple slices. That was my splurge! We did go out to eat that night and i had a bite of dessert. But my points were not terribly out of whack...and the rest of the week I've been totally on point! I've had people recommend me go to the doctor because maybe my thyroid or some other internal organ/system has gotten out of whack with all this weight loss. I went...I've had the blood tests....everything is fine. What more can I do? I mean, I know to continue doing what I'm doing. I've been told enough that if I continue it will just 'pop loose' and the weight will drop off! But a year of 'just continue doing what you are doing,"????
Can I go have a cry now????
Monday, August 11, 2008
So after my really good day what did he scales say????? .2 pounds UP. Yesterday I was at 180.2...today 180.4. Lovely! (note the sarcasm)
Todd's picking me up though and we are heading to the gym this morning. So I'll be working out here shortly! Will I ever get a lucky break during this weight loss journey or will I be stuck here at 180 forever??????
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I got up and went to the gym. We were there just shy of two hours. I did over an hour of cardio and the rest of the time I did my strength training routine. Felt good! I've kept my eating under control today also....so that's a good thing!
Not much else happening. I'm feeling a bit of a pity party for myself. I had packed my dinner to eat at my parents house tonight....they went out to one of my favorite restaurants. However, it is a place that I struggle with. My packed dinner had some things that needed heated...so it would have not been easy to take it along....NOR would I have had the will power to resist the food there. SOOOOO I came home. Yeah, I cried the whole way home. I so wanted to eat with my family. And yeah, my brother doesn't get in often..but I have to stop the spiral of eating horribly!I had already eating my big meal of the day.... I had to make a choice.......I chose health...and it hurt! I just know that I couldn't afford to do it...and I would have hated myself when I was done.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
I was talking/emailing with a friend the other day and I got to thinking about weight loss and this journey that I'm on. People ask me constantly, "what do you miss the most about your new lifestyle". They expect me to rattle off some ooey gooey, tasty, scrumptious food. And while I do love those foods...I guess I realize that I CAN eat them if I chose to ante up the points for it.....and exercise my butt off for it. What I miss is the utter innocence of eating what I want with no thought about calories, or points, or how long/much I'd have to exercise in order to work off that food. I miss walking into a restaurant and not calculating exactly what I'm eating in order to manage my intake for that meal and in relation for that complete day. I was having a difficult time wording it the other day in this email...but I think I just nailed it on the head. I miss the innocence and carefree existence that I had toward my intake of food (and toward my virtual non-existent exercise). When I'm standing next to the doughnut case and I am drooling because they smell so good, yeah, I want the doughnut...but I'm mourning the lost era of food innocence.
Is it worth it?????? This is a question that I actually ask myself. The answer....unequivocally yes. It is so worth it! The same friend that sparked the last paragraph and I were shooting emails back and forth just in the last 12-24 hours saying things that we are grateful for . Some of those things included :
*not being short of breath after walking just a little bit
*fitting into seats anywhere (plane, theater) and not having to worry about narrow aisles
*not worrying about breaking a chair
*not thinking that everyone is looking at me and judging me on my choices of food
*shopping in 'normal stores' (nothing against Lane Bryant...but I never want to step foot
in that store again!)
*soreness from chafing and rubbing
*constantly being sick and not realizing that it's my food choices and weight that is
causing me to be sick!
*having energy to make it through the day with a bounce in my step. I never realized
how much energy it really took to just plod along carrying all that extra weight, draining!
I could go on endlessly...but I think that's enough to confidently say that losing that innocence is worth it. However I'm sure I will continue to mourn...but the benefits greatly outweigh the negative!
Can I continue this for ever? My mom frequently asks me this. And I have another friend that recently asked me about my future plans now that I have officially made lifetime with weight watchers Yes, I will continue this way of life. Honestly, it's not that bad. I make my choices and I manage my eating around my choices. If i want the doughnut, I eat it. Pizza is not a taboo food. In fact, there is no food that is totally taboo. There are however foods that I don't eat very often. And honestly, there are foods that I used to eat with great regularity that I no longer eat.....I've found that they just aren't worth it. I just don't eat these things as frequently as I once did. AND if I want to be honest with myself.....I enjoy these things so much more because it is a total treat when I do eat them!
Friday, August 08, 2008
I did not weigh myself today. I wanted to have a 'good' day before I faced the scales. Mainly because I did not drink my water yesterday. Heck, I didn't even drink 1/4 of my normal water in take. So I'm sure I was probably retaining water....and then food...eii yii yiii
I got a lot of walking in yesterday...and I rode the exercise bike yesterday morning before we left...so that's a good thing. The food choices at that park though. Eii yii yiii. They had hamburgers, hot dogs and pizza. That was about the extent of the choices. Oh yeah, the one place sold apple slices that I could substitute instead of fries. I opted for a cheeseburger.....’twas a small one, but my body is obviously not used to the greasy low quality, highly fatty stuff like that …so while I didn't feel sick after eating, I didn't feel exactly well. ARRGGHHHH. For that reason, at about 6 Todd and I left the park (we were done anyway…and the park started closing down at 6…different sections…ie storybook forest closed at 6….I think raccoon lagoon closed at 7…etc etc etc) and went out to eat away from the park. The only problem...by that time I was so hungry that I overdid it.
THEN, on the way home we stopped at one of those big gas station/fast food/convenience store places. They had a Starbucks in there. Well Todd wanted a coffee. They were giving out samples...a Strawberries and cream frappucino. Since it was pink and strawberry flavored so I tried it. YUMMY. I know...crazy because I don’t like coffee flavored drinks. The sample was so good that I bought a normal sized one. I sucked that thing down so fast! Eii yii yii
I woke up this morning and started ripping through the house cleaning it. It's been next to forever since I cleaned the house. It isn’t bad…but I just know that it isn’t up to par. I feel like the last few weeks I have only been home to sleep. Occasionally cook and wash some dishes, but just running running running. The floor desperately needs mopped and the carpets are in dire need of vacuuming. It's terrible! My brother wants to come by to see our new place. I know he wouldn’t care if it were a mess...but I would care. But, halfway through cleaning I realized that we had no milk....and only once slice of bread. So I had to halt the cleaning and figure out my grocery list and run up to Hagerstown to the grocery store. If I was going to run to the store, I figured I may as well do the whole shebang. Why waste the gas to get just the few necessary things and then have to run up again in a day or so to get the rest of the stuff. So I did my weekly trip this morning. Blah...that ruined my morning! AND, I barely had time to get home and put everything away before I had to come to work. I did however squeak in a 30 minute ride this morning. (gotta love twisting my wet hair into a knot on my head...saves the time of blow drying my hair).
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
I woke up at about 5 and just wanted to groan. I did not want to wake up. I've been exhausted lately. I wanted to sleep in until at least 6:30. I forced myself to lay there quietly, trying to force myself back to sleep. And whadya know? I did it. It took me a half hour or so...but I slept until 8AM. WEEEEEE! Of course I woke up at 8 and then panicked because I had told my family that we would be to my mom's house by about 10. Well, figure out the math. Get breakfast, drive to town (thirty minutes), visit to the gym (cardio and strength training day), and showers after the gym. Figure up the map...it just wasn't gonna happen. I quickly threw on my gym clothes and while Todd's coffee was brewing I ran through as many of my strength training exercises that I could do (which is actually a good many as I have multiple sets of dumbells, a stability ball, etc etc etc). After I did that, I had my breakfast (toast and a banana today). So when we got to the gym, I actually only had about 15 minutes of my strength stuff to still do. I cut down my cardio to 45 minutes from my planned 60 minutes....and took my shower at my parents house. We got to mom and dad's at about 11:15....a little late. I showered and ate lunch. I'm very proud of myself. Once again, I packed my own food and ate my packed lunch at my moms. (green beans, sauerkraut, carrots, pineapple and a butter and jelly sandwich on low cal/high fiber bread) Yeah, I would have DIED to have some chips and dip (they also had chips and salsa...which I would have loved), ham, turkey, ho-ho's , tasty cake cupcakes, just plain and simple yummy stuff. But I resisted. Not even a bite! I had taken along some of my zero point cookies...so I had two of those (still zero points) for a dessert while everyone else was eating the tasty cake stuff. After lunch we hopped in the cars and off we went. we drove up to Paw Paw and walked on the canal for a couple miles. We went through the tunnel with the kids and just had some fun. And then drove on home. I was in the car with my brother and two of the kids. We stopped in Berkeley Springs because he wanted to see the springs. And then homeward. We had dinner at moms. Spaghetti. I did partake of that. I had the points for it, even for the yummy bread. So I'm not tooo concerned. We stayed a bit after dinner...but then we came home to get some stuff done around the house.
Todd and I are both off work tomorrow. We are all going to go to a small amusement part that's about an hour and a half away. SO I've packed my old camera (not taking the new one to an amusement park) and my bag. Along with extra clothes in case we get rained upon. SO I'm ready for tomorrow.
Sooo there is my day in a nutshell. I got a nice amount of activity in today! That's great. Tomorrow I'm planning on getting up early and riding the exercise bike for a half hour. Nothing strenuous...but to get something in. Then I'll be walking all day at the park. The problem...I'll be eating at the park also. So I want to get as much activity as possible!
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
This is a snap of me signing my name to the lifetime board.
And of course my handy dandy 10% key chain with my charms on it. WOO HOOO!!!!
Well, I thought that the mower saga was over. Not hardly. This morning I went out to mow. The grass was dry, but the ground is just plain and simple saturated. (I had the same problem last week) SO I was being careful. At one point I was swinging around in the mower on a very slight grade. The mower started to slide and I kinda slide into the front deck/porch. Uhhh yeah, I dented up the mower something fierce. I'm OK, the porch is OK (only a mark on the support post) and the mower (other than being dented on the front end) is OK. I actually finished mowing after the 'wreck'. What's next though?? I told Todd he didn't believe me at first. He took it well....could it be because it was only 5 or 6 months ago that he backed up and hit my car (the car that had just come back from the auto body shop after getting the side fixed where the deer had run into me). So he dinged and dented up TWO cars!
Sad..my weight watcher meeting is closing. They are taking away the meeting that I attend. Tis no wonder...the leader was...uhhh...lackluster. The only problem..that was the only meeting that I could/can consistently get to each week at my center. To attend a meeting regularly, I'll have to switch centers (I think this other place has one that I can get to each week). Other than that, I'll simply float from meeting to meeting. Who knows! SO a bit of a downer at my lifetime meeting.
Amount Per Serving
Total Fat-0.1 g
Total Carbohydrate-2.4 g
Dietary Fiber-0.2 g
Monday, August 04, 2008
My weight this morning was down just a tad bit more. I was at 179.6. Down is down, even if it is just 2/10ths of a pound! I'll take it! Being just about 2.5 pounds away from the high mark for me to be under to get lifetime tomorrow is much less stressful than being only .5 ounces away (like last week). Especially since Todd is planning on going to the meeting to celebrate with me. And Sherry said she is planning on being there for the same reason. That would totally bite the big one to have them there to celebrate...camera's poised and then not make it! I had been toying around (for like well over a year now) about taking in some low point treat to celebrate my lifetime. I'm still toying with it. I could make something tonight...or tomorrow morning. I'm actually leaning toward the meringue cookie things. I'm just not sure though. :-) I think they are zero points..so it would work...and be a nice little treat for my meeting. I had at one point thought about making homemade fortune cookies......they would be 1 point. I'll search around online to see what I can find about those meringue cookies. That will give me something to do.
I'll probably come home tonight early from my parents house to make them if I do it.....because tomorrow morning I NEED to mow our yard! The grass is high high high...and I'm embarrassed about the chop job I did last week. (I missed complete sections and strips!)
Well, the muscle soreness in my legs has subsided for the most part. There is still a bit of a small twinge here and there...but nothing major. This morning though, it's my shoulders and upper arms. Eii yiii yiii! Oh well...tis all good. Lets build those muscles up...the more i build them, the more they will burn!!!!! OK, I'm off to look for cookie recipes!
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Weighed myself this morning. I almost didn't want to look at the scales when it beeped to tell me that my weight was posted. But I did. 179.8. WOOO HOOO I sooo hope that my weight holds for my Tuesday official weigh in at the meeting! Incidentally, if I can hold my weight down for that official meeting, I will make lifetime! I'm scared that I'll be back up tomorrow......I just seem to yo yo so much.
We went to the gym early this morning. I did 35 minutes of strength training and an hour on the elliptical. Felt good. :-) I came home and made lunch for Todd and I and then I packed a dinner for myself. After that I headed up to town to my parents house. Mom and I hung out for about an hour or so until my brother and his family arrived. The kids have grown SOOOOOO much! Alex was so shy at first that if I looked at him he would hide. Ali and Riley who are older and remember us were fine of course! When they had their fattening dinner, I ate my packed lunch. Yes, it was weird to actually pack a meal to eat at my mom's...and to ignore the yummy foods that she prepared. But I did.
I'm planning on getting up early in the morning and riding. And then I work at 7:45. At 2 I get off and I'll head up to my parents to be with my family. I'm taking old clothes so that I can mow while I'm up there. And then I'll play with the kids and visit with my brother and his wife. Todd is going to come up to town to join us for dinner. So it will be a full day. I'll have to focus on getting my water consumption in and all that.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
* I didn't weigh myself today...so I have no clue how I'm doing.
*I did get 50 minutes in on the exercise bike. It's been raining off and on all day today, with intermitent thunderstorms, so my grand plans for an outside jog had to be scratched.
*Got the weekly grocery shopping done. AND all the prep work (cleaning and cutting up the produce so there is no excuse not to eat it!)
*Worked this morning. Was assigned to work in the lobby at the bank...I prefer working drive through...but oh well, we all can't have what we want all the time.
And that's my day in a nutshell. Hell, what am I saying...that's my day period! Wasn't that an exciting day?????
Friday, August 01, 2008
Yes, I'll fess up to the PB&J sandwich last night. It was about 3 hours after dinner. It was ALL I could think of. I waited and I just couldn't get it out of my head. I was DREAMING of how it would taste! My mouth was salivating. I just HAD to have that sandwich. SO I did. I'll also fess up to the little Hershey's chocolate stick (2 points) that I ate before the PB& J in an attempt to not eat the higher point sandwich. Yeah, I know that really doesn't work. But hey, the dark chocolate tasted mighty mighty good also!
Woke up early this morning. I had to be at work here at 10AM. I was up at 6AM....made Todd coffee, put last nights dishes away, ate breakfast, packed my lunch for work, etc etc etc. And Todd and I were out the door shortly after 7 to hit the gym. I did about 40 minutes of strength training. While I'm not sore yet, I can feel tiny tendrils of muscle soreness creeping upon me. And then I did about 30 minutes on the elliptical. At that point I was out of time. We had to leave so I could get home and be at work on time. But, I did it! And I feel good. In fact, I welcome the pain if it means I'll fit into that dress!