Saturday, August 09, 2008

Saturday morning Deep thoughts

First let me put in the positive stuff......because aren't we supposed to always say a positive and a negative thing together! The positive. I got up and rode 45 minutes this morning. :-) The negative. My weight. The other morning I was 179.0. Today I was 180.2. So I've posted a bit of a gain. Admittedly, I ate a little more than I should have last night. I kept snacking after dinner. NOT cool. I do however think that some of my gain is truly from water. I had my engagement ring re-sized last winter (I went down from I think it was an 8.5 to a 5.75) and I did it so that it fit perfectly.....even a bit tight (giving me room to lose a little more without having to re-size the ring again). It's fine under normal circumstances...but when I'm a bit dehydrated/retaining water, the ring is really tight. Yes, my ring is tighter than normal today. I also know that while I drank my water yesterday, I didn't experience the 'flush' (running to the bathroom constantly to eliminate that excess water) which lasts for a half a day or so. Am I grasping at straws??? ABSOLUTELY! Either way, the weight is coming off!

I was talking/emailing with a friend the other day and I got to thinking about weight loss and this journey that I'm on. People ask me constantly, "what do you miss the most about your new lifestyle". They expect me to rattle off some ooey gooey, tasty, scrumptious food. And while I do love those foods...I guess I realize that I CAN eat them if I chose to ante up the points for it.....and exercise my butt off for it. What I miss is the utter innocence of eating what I want with no thought about calories, or points, or how long/much I'd have to exercise in order to work off that food. I miss walking into a restaurant and not calculating exactly what I'm eating in order to manage my intake for that meal and in relation for that complete day. I was having a difficult time wording it the other day in this email...but I think I just nailed it on the head. I miss the innocence and carefree existence that I had toward my intake of food (and toward my virtual non-existent exercise). When I'm standing next to the doughnut case and I am drooling because they smell so good, yeah, I want the doughnut...but I'm mourning the lost era of food innocence.

Is it worth it?????? This is a question that I actually ask myself. The answer....unequivocally yes. It is so worth it! The same friend that sparked the last paragraph and I were shooting emails back and forth just in the last 12-24 hours saying things that we are grateful for . Some of those things included :
*not being short of breath after walking just a little bit
*fitting into seats anywhere (plane, theater) and not having to worry about narrow aisles
*not worrying about breaking a chair
*not thinking that everyone is looking at me and judging me on my choices of food
*shopping in 'normal stores' (nothing against Lane Bryant...but I never want to step foot
in that store again!)
*soreness from chafing and rubbing
*constantly being sick and not realizing that it's my food choices and weight that is
causing me to be sick!
*having energy to make it through the day with a bounce in my step. I never realized
how much energy it really took to just plod along carrying all that extra weight, draining!
I could go on endlessly...but I think that's enough to confidently say that losing that innocence is worth it. However I'm sure I will continue to mourn...but the benefits greatly outweigh the negative!

Can I continue this for ever? My mom frequently asks me this. And I have another friend that recently asked me about my future plans now that I have officially made lifetime with weight watchers Yes, I will continue this way of life. Honestly, it's not that bad. I make my choices and I manage my eating around my choices. If i want the doughnut, I eat it. Pizza is not a taboo food. In fact, there is no food that is totally taboo. There are however foods that I don't eat very often. And honestly, there are foods that I used to eat with great regularity that I no longer eat.....I've found that they just aren't worth it. I just don't eat these things as frequently as I once did. AND if I want to be honest with myself.....I enjoy these things so much more because it is a total treat when I do eat them!


Deborah said...

Wow, I could have written this post! This is EXACTLY the way I feel! I would not have been able to put a name to it but you found just the right one, innocence. Perfect!

Michelle said...

Thank you for this post. I always relate so much to your posts. I think it's not only worth it for the now but for our future health. We don't know the nightmares we're avoiding by getting in shape now, ya know?

Donna B said...

Great Post! I am sure in a day or so your engagement ring will be loose again! I'm not sure how old you are, but I know you are younger than me. Be glad you chose to change your liefestyle NOW and not wait like I did, in my 50's. I spent the last year on meds for type 2 diabetes, blood pressure and high cholesterol. I was MAD when I was disgonosed with these diseases, mad enough to make the changes in my lifestyle forever, and this year having lost 50#'s so far, am off quite a few of the meds. Keep up the good work!

JC said...

I just came over from Deborah site and I am so glad to meet you. You are a beautiful young woman. I always get excite to see and read about someone who is suceeding in this journey. I smiled as I read the things to be thankful for. I've lost 60 lbs with another 100 to go. My motivation was knowing I was going on vacation and would be flying. I had been in the position of asking for a seat belt extender before and didnt want to do that again. I'll come to visit again soon.