Friday, October 31, 2008

WHY?????

Why am I so lacking the will power to carry on this journey of losing weight. I went to my meeting yetserday morning hoping that would pump me up and bolster my will power. I did good when I got home. I did good all day. Dinner rolled around and I did good. I cleaned up the kitchen and then it started. I was totally craving something salty. I had pretzels (luckily only one serving as if you remember I put the pretzels into sandwhich bags after counting out portions), I had baked tortilla chips (looking at it...probably only one serving), I had a weight watchers dessert sundae thingy. I had a WW sweet and salty bar. Ohhh and I had a 1 point piece of candy. WHYYYYYYY?????

This morning I woke up and exercised. I finished up my grocery list for the upcoming trip to the grocery store. AND I wrote my intake of food down for the day. Come hell or high water I'm sticking to it today! I actually have 2 points to spare to account for a snack sometime after dinner. Maybe I'll make popcorn...who knows. I'm hoping that maybe if my food intake is pre-written down that I'll stick to it!!!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Repetition

I really don't have much to say. I did make it to a meeting this morning. I was up 7 pounds. I'm not happy with that figure, but I'm ok with it. Meanwhile, I've eaten pretty good thus far today. :-)


Planned out my menu for next week, grocery list is in the works. I'm gonna make it this week...AND post a loss!!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Trudging along!


cat mosaic, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I am trudging along wiht my eating....still struggling to get it under control. However I made it to the gym again today...so that is three days in a row for exercise! WOO HOOOOO!!!

I am going to hit up a WW meeting tomorrow morning...and face the music!!!!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Monday Madness

Ok, I was going to post some handy dandy picture today..but decided to hold off on that....at least for now....maybe later. :-)



This morning I did the baking that I needed to do. Todd has a meeting that he is going to tomorrow night and volunteered to bring desserts. Uhhh yeah....that means MF bakes. No, I can't even imagine buying something.....not when I love to bake. So I did end up eating a bit of stuff this morning. But all in all, I didn't nibble or taste test too many things! I packaged up everything for Todd and brought the leftovers to work today. :-)



I also got on the exercise bike! WOO HOOO! Rode an hour! Todd mentioned that he'd like to go for a walk tonight. I sure hope so. One because I love the crisp coolness and colors of fall. Secondly because that would give me an hour or so of extra activity. And thirdly, because I haven't taken a picture yet today for my 365 project!

Slowly but surely, I'll get back on track!!!!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

half eaten


half eaten, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I wish I had the willpower of whatever animal ate half of this corn cob. I start something and I just can't stop myself from continuing. I know if it were me eating that corn cob it would have been picked dry!!!

Ok....enough with the goofiness!

Not much to talk about today. Todd and I headed over to the studio apartment. Let me say, it was really nice when we moved from there to know that we didn't have to move all of our stuff immediately and that it would be used as storage. But, we moved over 7 months ago and I had still not completely finished packing everything. My word there are still pictures on the wall!!! I went over today and worked some on organizing some stuff. I have a HUGE HUGE HUGE pile to go to Goodwill. While I was over there I spent some time organizing my freezer (I left my old freezer over there and taht is where I have the stockpiled stuff.....all the home made/grown stuff that was frozen......I just give todd my 'grocery' list every once in a while...for example I'll say, bring me 2 quarts of applesauce, 1 of corn and a bag of raspberries....or whatever I need) I also cut the last of the flowers off the plants in the flower garden...well the stuff that we are getting ready to pull. I put those flower heads in my drying racks for seed stock for next year. (I had to empty the drying racks first because I already had heads in there). Lets see, I cleaned my house, cut up two watermelon (sugar babies) that we found in the garden...what a nice surprise. And then of course the never ending laundry. (worse today because I brought over two loads of stuff from the other apartment...crazy stuff that got left....) It's just been a really busy day. So i've been on the go all day. With the friendship bread, I've eaten just a few points over my daily allotement. That's what flex points are supposed to be there for!!!

Still no exercise...ok...formal exercise!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Could this be the reason?


How I sleep, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Imagine that this picture is my bed. I have long known that my husband is a bed hog....but add in the cats. Could this be the reason that I have a pulled muscle near my shoulder blade? (I can't remember specifically hurting it). I have three cats that like to sleep right up against me....not to mention my husband too. I truly am an acrobat whilst asleep! hmmmm I worry that Desi willl decide to join the fray of cats!

Well, I'm no where closer to stopping the screaming voices in my head. I talked to Todd quite a bit last night about what I am feeling. It made me actually put to words some of what I'm feeling
1. I'm tired of being somewhat obsessed with what I eat.
2. I'm really just honestly bummed out that I had one week of not watching closely to what I was eating ...not even pigging out. And I gained so much weight.
3. Stark realization of exactly how close I'm going to have to watch for the rest of my life if I continue to 'care'.
4. Would it be better to give up and be happy with not having to constantly worry.

Todd actually said the same words that JC said in a comment. He said yeah, you'll be happy for a bit. But when you have diabetes or a heart attack, then you will be more worried about those things. He said, "In essence you have a choice to make you constantly stay on your toes to keep the weight off....or down the line you constantly stay on your toes to keep your body artificially regulated with medications to control cholesteral, diabetes, heart disease, blood pressure, etc.

I know that his comments (and JC's comments) are correct. And I honestly don't want to go back to the 315 pound MaryFran. But I guess I want the 'easy' way out. Maintain my weight at a decent level but not have to work for it. But lets be honest....God didn't give me a body that would do that.

That said, even in the midst of all of this inner turmoil, I've been eating as healthy as possible. When I planned out our meals for next week, they are healthy meals. So at least something has stuck with me!

Oh, Todd had a theory about why I've packed on so much weight (about 10 pounds) in such a short period of time (2 weeks) without eating all that terribly (yeah, not as good as I normally eat, but not 100% off target, for the first week and really not bad at all during the second week). His theory. My body has been stuck in a rut for the last year at this 180 mark. It doesn't want to drop any further...it's fighting it for all it's worth. So during those two weeks, even though I wasn't eating terrible (just not the greatest) my body saw the extras as a way to get itself further away from that 180 mark....and it stored every bit of fat that it could. Interesting theory!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Feelings


wheel, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

No real reason for the picture, other than that fact that I took it yesterday and I really like it, and I'm grasping at straws to feel more 'up" today.

I'm struggling with that inner voice that says to throw in the towel, eat what you want, and be happy...no matter what you weigh!

Even as that little inner voice says that and I subsequently think, "wow, that would be nice" I then mentally scream..."NO NO NO! I will not give up and thereby fail!" Of course am I failing now anyway?

Not a good day....lots of thoughts bickering with one another in my head!

Not a good morning

What more to say than that I am fighting the urge to emotional eat! This has been a rough morning. Got up at 3 to feed the baby kitten. It was playful and eating and all was right with the world. At 7am when I went to feed it....it was dead. Yesterday was such a good day...a clean bill of health from the vet, found it a home. Just good. This morning a burial. (yes, we have a new grave in our yard. Came inside and lysol'ed down the bathroom that the kitten had resided in. And ran some laundry (old rags and stuff that we had used in kittens cage). I started to fold a big load of laundry that I did last night. A pen must have been in a pair of my husbands khakis.....soooooo I lost three dress shirts/sweaters, a pair of khakis and a skirt! Ohh my husbands clothes that were in the same load....FINE! This was all before breakfast! I finally made some toast. I won't lie to you, I want to go back and have more!

And for Donnalouise...I live in Sharpsburg, MD. That is about 20 miles west of Frederick. We are about 45 -60 minutes from DC and or Baltimore.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Kitten eating


Kitten eating, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

There you go...a picture of me. Ok, at least a picture of my hands and a bit of my upper torso! But yes, I'm still feeding this kitty. I think I have a home for it. However stupid me (I'm a sucker) offered this person to continue to foster the kitten until it is weened. Since the person taht is taking the cat works 10 hour shifts, they were very grateful as this little baby really needs to be fed a bit more often then that. It is cute, but i'll admit that I'll be happy to hand the reigns over to someone else. She is currently being very quiet (rare rare thing). But ONLY because Todd is laying on the sofa watching tv with this little kitten laying on a towel on his chest. I think he has two of our cats curled up next to him.

It is Todd's birthday today. I resisted the urge to bake him a cake or any goodies. But I do have to say that I ate more than I should have. we went to eat at a place in Frederick, MD called Brewers Alley. They have VERY good food. I didn't partake of any of the beer that is brewed there. (Todd did...and then brought some home!). I honestly did try to order healthy...but it turns out they had a misprint on the menu and it wasn't what I thought it was.....it was more 'fattening'. BUT, it was super tasty! And of course being a food addict (my husband also) when the gave him a free dessert, well...who are we to say no. I will say that we did split that dessert!

I'm getting ready to get off of the computer and actually lay out my menu for next week. No more sitting on the fence!!!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

How could anyone 'dump' something so cute!

Shhhhhhh!!!! The baby is finally asleep!!! Yesterday someone dumped this adorable kitten at our business. It it totally tame and craves human attention, but not totally weened. It is currently residing in our guest bathroom. We need to find this little sucker a home! In the meantime, we'll continue bottle feedings and constantly changing the hot water bottle that we have given it for added warmth, should only need the extra attention for another day or so! Any suggestions for finding a home for this little gal would be much appreciated!

My weight. I"m really embarrassed and ashamed to write about this. I am currently experiences the BIGGEST setback I have had this whole journey. I weighed myself this morning at 194 pounds! YIKES! How did this happen. This past week I neverwent over my points by more than 3-5 points! That'smy flexpoints (which I do know I can't eat too often...but come on 5 pounds???)

I'm not giving up. I am going to restart my exercise regime. I've done fairly well with food thus far today. If I can manage tonight and stay within my 9 alloted points all will be good! :-)

I hope I'm the lucky gal!

I entered the Gracie Gear Giveaway!
Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

Monday, October 20, 2008

piping hot bread


piping hot bread, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

My downfall! I had planned on having this for breakfast (naturally since the bread was ready to bake and subsequentially eat at 7:30 this morning). I've got my plan for eating the rest of the day to compensate for a bigger breakfast!

I'm not doing terribly with eating. But I'm not totally on track! I'm sitting on the fence so to speak! Exercise???? What's that????

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The party


October18, 2008 (48 of 365), originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Well, it's over. I worked like a demon yesterday to clean and get ready for a group of people to come over. Yes, it was a bit of last minute preparations....but remember, I just got back fromvacation and since then I'veworked about 25 hours, unpacked everything, did a butt load of laundry, oh yeah...and processedabout 2-3 bushels of apples into applesauce.

I can't say that I came through this eating event as well as I did the pot luck the other day. I didn't eat really bad though. I had a hot dog (yes, I broke my 3 month without beef last night!...and they were all beef dogs), a small scoop of potato salad, one of baked beans and a few chips. I did have a very small piece of chocolate cake (one and a half inch square!) I did drink some hot spiced apple cider! YUMMO!

We are planning on hiking today. Hopefully the weather holds for us!

Ohhhh yes......we had the first frost last night!!!!!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Reflections on this eating stuff

You know. After a week of eating , well not the greatest. I was ready to come home and get back to eating better. Better portions and better choices. Now for the really odd thing. It's almost if my body is going through a detox or something. I'm not going to go into sickening details here...but suffice it to say, that things are 'moving'. Almost as if my body wants to purge that all from my system. How interesting that while my mind wants all that yummy food, my body is actually telling me via how I felt after eating it and by it's current actions that it really doesn't like those foods. Looking at it objectively, why would it. Those foods hold little or no nutritional value. It goes back to the thought of actually looking at food as fuel instead of something that you eat solely for taste!

OK, I can't lie though....if I were near an O'Charley's......I'd be really tempted to go get some of their heavenly cinnamon donut dessert thing!

Haven't weighed myself. I'm giving myself a few days to let the water retention and other vacation gluttony effects wear off!

Meanwhile, normal life is keeping me busy. I'm at work, but I'll be rushing home to get my house cleaned and food ready for our get together tonight. My house is a WRECK! I haven't had time to vacuum since coming home..(those cats.....cause me to have to vacuum a heck of a lot!). Not to mention that the kitchen floor is atrocious (apple sauce making the last two nights!) Todd has his list of things to do this morning and he's promised to help this afternoon. :-) Of course this morning got blown away. Yesterday morning he went out and found that his car lights had been left on and his battery was dead. We gave him a jump and all seemed to be well. He used the car throughout the day and all was well. This morning he went out and it wouldn't start again....the lights were off. So something more is happening. We wonder if the battery is just about gone. The alternator in the car is relatively new (OK, a couple years old...but still...). I just left work and went home....he's in my car and he'll pick me up from work. (OK, at least he'd better....he has been known to forget to pick me up in the past!)

Friday, October 17, 2008

Back in the saddle again!


Table Decoration, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

First of all, there is no particular reason for the picture, other than the fact that I like it. I snapped the picture at the reception for my friend last Saturday night.

Yesterday I had a major victory. I had made the vow that when I got home I would pick up the reigns and get back to eating healthy. Well when I made that statement, in the back of my mind I knew that it would be difficult for a few reasons. Number one, we are having a party at our house on Saturday night. Number two, my first day back at work would be a work day WITH a potluck! Well, I'm happy to say that the potluck came and went with NO FOOD passing my lips! I'm pretty darn tickled about that! I worked from noon until 6. The potluck was literally set up 5 feet from my desk. I had to see the food ALL day. I didn't cave! I ate lunch before I came to work. I brought in my food, laid it on the table (ok, chips and dip...easy stuff since I was on vacation) and didn't give it another thought. Ok, I gave it another thought, but I didn't partake!

I didn't weigh myself today. I drank a TON of water yesterday and it hasn't started 'leaving my system' so to speak. I'm going to give it a bit of time. In the meantime, I'm still drinkin' up! :-)

Other news....just in the last 2 hours or so, my ear has started to hurt. Sharp pains. Hopefully that eases up!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

OCTOBER 16, 2008 (46 OF 365)


OCTOBER 16, 2008 (46 OF 365), originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

My weight this morning. The last time I weighed myself (right before we left) I was at 184.8. So not good. I had hoped to never see a weight that high. I'm not happy about it. But I'm ready to fix the problem. I also realize that some of that is water retention.....ohhh my water consumption was poor to say the least. (non-existent would be closer to the truth)

I was writing an email to a friend telling her about my vacation and I decided to copy it here for my own records! :-) (Sorry Vanessa ...just skip the rest of this entry!) So you can just skip it...in fact, I go into detail about what i ate...maybe I should skip it too......it may make me hungry for food I shouldn't be eating!

Ahhhhhhhh vacation always leaves such mixed feelings when it is over. It is always soooooo good to get home. I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed! Just being at home was sounding really good! HOWEVER, coming back to work.....I could have done without. But at least work will give me the opportunity to catch up on all sorts of things online! :-)

Vacation....lets talk about food first! Hey, it's nearest and dearest to my heart. I ate. Food. Lots and lots of yummy tasting food (I'll go more into detail later!) Toward the end of the vacation I just felt miserable and icky from the food I was eating. Not just the amounts (that I'm not used to) but the choices! I was actually looking forward to coming home and eating healthy! In answer to your next question. Nope, I didn't let the way I felt change the way I ate. That is so sad isn't it????

OK, vacation overview by day!

Wednesday
We had planned on getting up and leaving for Indiana by 4AM. Things were going well. We went to bed and the car was totally packed. The alarm went off at 3:45. I was sooo tired that I decided to sleep for 1/2 hour more. I reset the alarm and went back to sleep. Uhhhhh...I forgot to turn the alarm back on! I woke up at 5:40! We were on the road by six. The trip out was uneventful. It did however start to rain at about the Ohio state line and it poured the whole trip out....until about 30 miles from my brothers house! That slowed us down so it actually took about 2 hours longer to get there! Pretty much once we got there, we unloaded the car and talked a bit (and played with the kids in my case) and we then headed out for dinner. Food on Wednesday. Todd and I stopped and ate at Panera Bread for breakfast. I had a cinnamon crunch bagel and a fruit cup. (I love that bagel...so yummy) For lunch we just stopped at Bob evans. I had a veggie plate. :-) For dinner we went to this local brewery. I ordered a brewhouse club. It was a warm club on a hoagie roll. I chose to get a side of pasta salad. I had asked the waitress if it was an oil based pasta salad or a mayonnaise based salad. She answered oil. It wasn't. It was totally a cream based salad. Ohhh well....it was still tasty. My brother and Cindy ordered a basket of "scooby snacks". They were potato wedges, liberally sprinkled with old bay with a dip. The dip was a ranch dip with finely chopped cucumbers in it. REALLY good combo. I had about 3 wedges. I can't remember what Todd ate....but he did have a pumpkin ale and a bloody mary. I managed to drink all my normal water today...over 64 ounces.

Thursday
Thursday was a relaxing day. I started out by jogging for 55 minutes. I was totally amazed at my endurance. Yes that was 55 minutes of straight jogging. I can't say that I was pushing myself...because I was. HOWEVER, I did it! And ohhh boy, did I ever do it! I am used to exercising...but not jogging. The muscles in my legs just screamed! I was so stiff and sore for the next few days that it was ridiculous.....it also put an end to my exercise during my vacation! I could barely walk up the steps or get in and out of my car without groaning. Oh wait...I did groan! Todd and I walked through the Village at Winona. It is a cool little 'village' This village is all cool little buildings that house shops for local artisans. All sorts of things! Todd and I saw that they actually had just put in a building (since our last visit) that housed a spa. Hmmmm...that got the wheels a turnin'. But we continued on. Most of the day was spent at my brothers relaxing with them. I did ride over to the YMCA with my brother to drop Alison off at gymnastics. She was given clearance to go back to gymnastics. She can't do much, since she has her broken wrist (she slipped off the balance beam while doing a handstand), but she wanted to go back...and she works on her floor and leg stuff. While she was there, Alan and I went over and walked through an orchard that he has permission to utilize. We picked about 3/4 of a bushel of apples. We did go back and watch Alison for about a half hour (she wanted me to see her at gymnastics) Eating this day was very healthy. For breakfast I had toast, lunch was fruit and veggies and for dinner Cindy grilled chicken breasts, cooked carrots and zucchini. We also had a side salad. So Thursday we ate at home the whole time. We did run to the coffee shop and get drinks. I got an Italian Ice! I also once again managed to drink my water for the day!

FRIDAY
This is the day that the eating went downhill! Todd and I had talked about it and decided to get massages while we were on vacation. So after eating breakfast at home, we headed out. We stopped at the coffee shop again I got another Italian Ice. Then it was off to Winona Lake. We walked on the new walking path and then headed to the village at Winona and made our appointment for our massages. We went into one other shop that we had skipped previously. By that time it was time for lunch. We chose to eat at Cerelean (spelling?). It is a Japanese influenced restaurant located in the Village at Winona. Cindy and Alan basically said that we should try to eat there because it was a neat place. My brother told me what stuff he had made in the restaurant (hostess stand, display, tabletops and benches). Todd LOVED it! Of course he would love any place where he can get really good sushi! Yes, he got sushi. I got a bento box lunch. I chose the Panko Crusted Chicken over a bed of sticky rice. It came with a dipping sauce (raspberry and something else). For my sides (you get three). I chose Asian noodles, Mandarin Orange salad with a vinaigrette dressing and the broccolini (tis a broccoli salad to DIE for!) YUMMY! We left there and walked back through the village to the ice cream shop. I got the banana fudge pontoon. It is vanilla ice cream, banana slices and hot fudge served in a waffle cone bowl. Topped with whipped cream and cherries (I nixed the nuts). Todd got some peanut butter fudge sundae. (I told you the food went downhill, didn't I.....well or uphill depending on how you look at it). I played with the kids all afternoon and then for dinner we all went to the little mexican restaurant in downtown Warsaw. I had a vegetarian combo. It had refried beans, a bean burrito, a cheese enchilada and a chalupa. YES, I had the chips and salsa AND I even splurged and had some of the cheese dip that Alan and Cindy ordered! I dind't even fill up my water mug today....and stopped getting water in restaurants....I switched to straight up diet soda! And I didn't drink much water for the rest of the vacation!

Saturday
We woke up and headed out almost immediately. Sullivan, where Julies wedding was being held is about 4-5 hours from Warsaw. I had also researched and found the Clabber Girl Museum in Terre Haute.....I just had to go. We showered and headed out. I grabbed the last of the biscotti that I had packed to take along. We stopped at the coffee shop that we love (courthouse coffee) out there and Todd got a coffee drink. I got an Apple Pie Chai. We enjoyed our drinks and biscotti during the drive down. The drive was uneventful and we made it to Terre Haute (30 miles outside of Sullivan) in good time. It was lunchtime by that point. BUT no fear. I had read that there was a little cafe in the museum. Of course we ate there! I was still doing pretty good...trying to make healthier choices in the midst of grand disaster foodwise! I got a turkey sandwich served on a flatbread. It came with either chips or pasta salad. I got the salad (oil based...which I prefer anyway). So I felt like I did decent for lunch. Todd and I walked through the museum. It was a quaint little place. And when we were done, we decided that we just had to partake of some dessert in the bakery/cafe. I got a double chocolate scone. It was ok...but looking back I wonder why in the world I ordered it. I mean, I like ooey gooey desserts and scones are typically dry! No matter, I ate every bite! Todd and I then travelled onward to Sullivan. We found our hotel and the church. we went out exploring a bit and found an antique fleamarket place. I bought a few bottles to add to my collection. Then it was back to the hotel to relax, shower and get ready for the wedding. The wedding was at 6:30. I had to be there early of course. It was good, I got to see Julie for a few minutes before the wedding (she called me down to talk to her). The wedding was very nice. Formal yet not stuck up and stiff. The reception was nice and relaxed and a lot of fun. Food at the reception. Julie had lots of different sandwiches. I think Todd got Roast Beef. I chose a turkey croissant. I picked up some veggies from the veggie platter that she had with a little bit of a veggie dip. She had Cole slaw (I think), potato salad and macaroni salad. I had a little spoon of the macaroni salad. She had chips and stuff like that also. Drinks ...there was a whole assortment of sodas. They had iced tea and bottled water. Yep, I skipped the bottled water and went right to the sodas. At least I stuck with diet! tee hee hee. I did have a piece of wedding cake! Her wedding cake was a mixture of chocolate and vanilla cake. (different tiers were different types). I went up to get Todd and I cake. I got one of each. Todd chose the chocolate...so i had the vanilla. I did have some of the green punch...but ignored the mints and nuts! We got back to the hotel room at around 11.

Sunday
We woke up and went down for the free breakfast at the hotel. I knew it would be something like donuts and bagels (Days Inn.....apparently brand new...and I think the only hotel for like 30 miles). I got a cinnamon cake donut and a banana (yep, I was still half heartily trying to cling to some semblance of healthiness...tee hee hee). We then drove back to Indianapolis (about 2 hours away.) The plan was to visit the Indianapolis Art Museum. Being as it was Sunday, it didn't open until noon. We got to Indy at about 10:30. So we drove around and explored for a while. For lunch we decided to go to O'Charleys. I got pretzel crusted chicken and mashed potatoes. It came with a side salad (honey mustard was my choice). The problem for me came when Todd decided to get an after dinner/lunch drink. I decided to peruse the dessert menu. HOT mini cinnamon donuts, served with a cream cheese dip! Ohhhh I HAD HAD HAD to have them! Todd said he would help me by taking a few bites. His drink came (coffee and Irish cream~~~ reminds me, I want to make some of my own Irish Cream again) and then my donuts came. She came out with a plate and a little bowl of the dip. The donuts were in a white bag. She shook the bag to coat the donuts and then dumped them onto the plate. (she left the bag for leftovers). HEAVEN! That is exactly where I was after the first bite! And the second bite! I could have happily skipped the whole meal and went straight to the hot donuts! Donuts done, I was feeling sooooo stuffed. We hopped into the car and drove to the art museum. What a great museum...and FREE! We were able to visit every section of the museum EXCEPT for the Asian section. I bought some Christmas gifts in the gift shop, so I was happy to get my Christmas shopping started! At the Art museum...on the campus, they have what they call the Lilly House. It is a huge estate and house. The gardens are spectacular and the house is a wonderful architectural treasure. We left the museum grounds just before 5PM (when they close) and started out for Warsaw. It should have been only 2 hours. But somehow it stretched into 3.5 hours! The traffic was horrendous! We hit EVERY red light and they were the shortest lights I had ever seen. We had to sit through some of them two or three times until we got through the intersection! We stopped at a convenience store to get drinks. I had a chocolate milk! YUMMY! :-) We FINALLY got back to my brothers and we were just so happy to get there that we stayed there and ate some stuff there. I had fruit and veggies. :-)

Monday
Monday morning dawned. We showered and headed out to Big Apple Bagels, a bagel shop (obviously). I had an apple pie bagel and a diet coke. (yep, still drinking the diet drinks, no water). And then we headed over for our massages. I had chosen to do the hot rocks massage. I've read about it and the thought of hot rocks on my always cold body just sounded really neat. I was informed that this would be a unique hot rocks as she still focused heavily on massage. It did feel good. I will admit that I'm not used to being massaged so every once in a while I would tense up....she would wait until I relaxed and then continue. I'll probably do another someday. I wasn't like Todd though. HE loves massages (he's had them before). When he came out he was raving about it. Me, it was nice but nothing that I just went gaga over. :-)
*After the massages, we headed back to my brothers place. They have a locally owned fast food place. I think they have 8 locations. It's called Penguin Point. Todd had decided that he would break his no fast food vow to go to Penguin Point. So we walked down there with Cindy and the kids. I got a grilled chicken breast sandwich and a side of baked beans with my diet coke. Todd on the other hand got a Wally Burger (double cheeseburger) and french fries! We walked back to my brothers house and Todd and I hopped in the car. We went back to the apple orchard and picked apples for a while. I filled up my trunk. We picked about 4 or 5 bushels to bring home. Yes, I'm done with my applesauce...but FREE apples! So I'm doing more! Oh and a bushel or so is for mom. We stopped at the coffee shop again after picking. I got an Italian ice AND a cinnamon roll :-)
*Dinner was at my brothers house...pasta and homemade bread. Interestingly enough, this was the day that Alex decided that he really really really liked Uncle Todd. He wanted Uncle Todd to push his stroller. He wanted Uncle Todd to sit with him at the drums. He wanted Uncle Todd, Uncle Todd, Uncle Todd. I was chopped liver. :-)

Tuesday
I woke up early. I got dressed and read for a while until the house really stirred. I ran to the coffee shop while Todd was in the shower. I got a chai and another cinnamon roll! Then we headed out in a caravan with my brother and his family for Peru, In. We went to The Grissom Air Museum. Twas really cool. We got to sit in the cockpit of an F4 and in a helicopter. They had tons of cool stuff and pictures. Then we went outside and they had a bunch of military jets that you could see. We went up into the observation tower which was neat because you could look over and see the runway of the Grissom AFB.
*We ate lunch at a restaurant that I think was called The Siding. It was an old train station with two train cars attached to it. We ate in the train cars (they were dining rooms). I had a turkey club and french fries. Wait! I had water!!!!! Riley sat next to me. He had gotten the potato chips (fresh...fried there) I had a few off of his plate....YUMMO!
*On the way back from Peru we ran into a bulk food store. Oh my word...the prices were HALF of what we pay around here! I bought a few things that I knew that I needed or would need soon!
*For dinner, Alan and Cindy got a babysitter and the four of us went to NoaNoa. Todd got a bunch of Sushi. I got the pesto chicken pasta. Oh my word is that stuff good! I got the house raspberry vinaigrette dressing. It is to die for! After we ate, even though I was stuffed full, we got one piece of rum brownie and split it four ways.

Wednesday
This was really a ho hum day. Todd and I pulled out of Warsaw at 4:30. I drove the first 5-6 hours and then we stopped for breakfast (boring Bob Evans again...but I love the cinnamon pancakes...and heck the bacon was tasty also) and then Todd drove the rest of the way home. We swung through H-Town and picked up the few groceries that I needed for the upcoming week. (basically perishables). We ate at Gandolfos (I got a Burning bridge....a turkey sub, and a diet coke).
*Finally at home, we petted the cats and unloaded the car. I immediately started on laundry and processing the apples! I finally stopped making applesauce at about 8 last night. I have a few more hours to do tonight. :-)

So that brings me up to date! Today I'm back at work. Wishing I wasn't here. I would be happy just to be at home for a day to get my 'bearings'. But oh well. :-)

I'm back in the saddle again. My food consumption today has been on target...and I'm working on the water!

Riley in F4 cockpit


Riley in F4 cockpit, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Alison


Alison, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

alex playing drums with todd


alex playing drums with todd, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Lilly House at Indianpolis Museum of Art


LillyHouse, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

OK, here is a post that I wrote a few days ago...andwell I guess it never got posted to this blog for some reason! Oh well......


Randomness
Driving down a stretch of road on the outskirts of a major city this morning. We drove about 10 miles. In that ten miles I saw at least 8 McDonalds, 3 Burgerkings, 1 Long John Silver. 2 White castle, 1 Rally, 2 dairy Queens, a steak n-shake just to name a few things. Lets see.......regular restaurants.......I saw ONE locally owned place (ONE!!!! and it looked to be a TOTAL dive), a Hooters, an O'Charley's, and a Red Lobster. Uhhhh what's wrong with this picture? Do people not eat anything other than fast food anymore????? And what happened to locally owned places of business?Yep, I attribute the obesity rates to things like this. However we can't totally blame these places.....we (as Americans...NOT I) chose to eat that slop! They just make it REALLY really simple by making that food so darn cheap!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Last official day

Today is the last 'official' day that we will be in Indiana. Tomorrow we drive back (and tomorrow is officially our last day of vacation.) I'm actually looking forward to getting back into a routine and getting back to eating healthy. I've made many healthy choices, so I'm very glad.

I've decided to not weigh myself until next week (tuesday, my weigh in day). I know that my weight will be up...I have not been drinking my water. I'd be lucky to say that I've had 24 ounces of water a day....and that is pushing it! But anyway, my plan is to really focus on eating healthy and getting everything back in line....and then after all is returned to 'normal' than face the scales. I don't want to get depressed if I see a huge gain. I want to get back to it first and make it a habit again before I do that. Otherwise it may be too tempting to continue the 'bad vacation habits'.

I stepped way out of my comfort zone. Yes, I'm still trying to do that. I have always wanted to get a massage...but I've never done it. Why? Because I have to bare my body. Yeah yeah yeah, it's all very PC, and I knew that my breasts and such would be covered...but still. My jiggly belly and flappy skin! Well, I pushed myself from my comfort zone and did it. It was quite nice. I did a massage/hot rocks combo. The hot rocks........really nice for someone that's always cold!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Wedding Cake


Wedding Cake, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Ok, I just got back from the wedding....this is my post wedding update. Julie actually had realatively healthy foods. I had a turkey sandwhich, a small scoop of macaroni salad and some veggies off the veggie platter. I ignored the meatballs (beef.....so that wasn't difficult). I did not touch the potato chips! I drank diet soda and did not partake of the bar offerings. I did however have a piece of cake. It was not the little sliver of cake that the cake places actually say is a serving. But it was not a honkin' big piece that I would have cut for myself. :-) I didn't put any mints on my plate! Ohhh yes, I did have some green punch with my cake!

I will say. My water consumption thus far on vacation has been atrocious! I am probably not even getting 24 ounces of water. I haven't sunk so low as to drink 'regular' soda. Instead I'm doing diet drinks...but still! No worries though...I'll get back to it! Meanwhile, I"m enjoying myself and just trying to make healthier decisions for myself and not worry about it. Because to sit back and worry about every bite I put into my mouth makes this whole thing not worth it! This is life and there will be times when you have to temporarily throw in the towel, live on the edge so to speak. But the important thing is to not let one day or week or howoever long that temporary time is for to not slip into an extended time period. For me, it's vacation. My vacation is over on Thursday. Thus on THursday I'm back hot and heavy! :-) In the meantime, I'm going to live life and take it as such.

Two things about 'living' though.

1. It is so much more special to go and get these treats and yummy things! When I ate like this all the time, it was just ho-hum. I feel as if I"ve received the biggest treat from my little indulgances the last few days!

2. My body really does let me know that it would rather be eating the fruits and veggies and getting it's water. No I"m not sick...but it's let me know (I had a terrible case of indigestion this morning....yeah yeah yeah....way too much TMI!)

Wedding


Wedding, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Just wanted to show a picture of my beautiful friend and her new husband! This is the girl that has helped keep me motivated to lose weight.

clabber girl museum


clabber girl museum, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Ok, we drove through Terre Haute, Indiana today on the way to my friends wedding. I had found that the Clabber Girl company (baking powder) had a museum. That was right up this baker/cookers alley! Of course we went! And of course we ate at the Clabber Girl bakery/cafe. Very yummy!

My eating is somewhat out of control....and I've got wedding cake in my near future!!!!! Well who cares as long as I still fit into my dress for this wedding tonight! :-) Speaking of that...I'd better go dry my hair!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Heaven

Well, I didn't do as well today. I held it together for breakfast. Lunch we ate a Japenese influenced place. My food was realatively healthy, but we splurged and went to an ice cream shop afterwards. HEAVEN! I had a Fudge Banana Pontoon. (their name) It was vanilla ice cream, bananas, whipped cream and doused in hot fudge sauce. All in a waffle cone bowl. HEAVEN! It actually wasn't that big....but I'm sure it knocked my points out of whack. Oh well...it's vacation, I don't eat those things often! But, who knows what dinner will bring tonight!I thought I was sore yesterday. I can barely move today without pain! OUCHERS! We still went for a walk! About an hours worth! So I didn't just stop and do nothing!!!!!

Thursday, October 09, 2008

So I have no clue where my weight is. I know that Tuesday I didn't do to great, i had some pumpkin bread at work....not just one piece either. Yesterday I held my own and didn't do all that badly. We spent the day in the car so there was absolutely no exercise. Today i was on fire with my eating and exercise. I actually jogged for about 55 minutes this morning early. I've eaten really good today. Life is grand! The problem...I'm not used to jogging....I'm sore sore sore!

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

The last day dawns!

Yes, it is the last day before my vacation begins. It's not shaping up to be a good one! Lets see. I woke up early and got my picture for my one picture per day project. It's not a fantastic one, but it will suffice. I actually also saw a big buck in our back yard but he ran off before I could get out there. I did a few things around the house and then I beat it on up to H-town for my weigh in. I knew that I would not be able to make it to the meeting because I had to be at work shortly thereafter. The leader weighed me in. While we were chit chatting, I told her that I liked the meeting and I was going to call this meeting my home meeting because the time worked best for me, but that this was one of the weeks that my schedule just didn't coincide with a meeting. She looked at me and said, "would a half hour or hour later work better for you?" I was like No, absolutely not! Then she told me that they just got word that they may be changing the meeting time to later in the day. GREAT! It took me two months to settle on and into a new meeting...and I gained 10 pounds in the process! (OK, OK OK...the poundage is totally 100% my fault, I know, I know, I know...I'll stop laying blame elsewhere). So it sounds like I may be back to the drawing board with finding a new meeting. This really really really sucks! (Same WW center that cancelled my last meeting pulling this stunt......man, I wish we lived in a big city that had lots of options!)

SOooooooo even though it looked as if I had lost a lot of weight during the latter part of last week, And then I showed myself gaining again. I at least pulled out a .6 loss. Wooo hoooo!! Over a half of pound lower than last week!! I'll take it! Especially since the monthly ick should be here within a few days..so I know I'm probably retaining like crazy due to that. (sorry...way too much information for some readers probably....)

Vacation. I'm ready. Yeah, after reading the last posts it's obvious that I'm physically and emotionally ready to go. BUT...I'm talking about being ready to conquer vacation and being able to say, "I lost weight on my vacation!" I'm gonna do it! Whew....I'll admit, I cringed when I wrote that. I feel like biting my nails in nervousness. Because I know that in a week or so I could be sitting her crying (figuratively speaking) because I've gained weight. I've made bold statements about losing before and failed. (gathering my courage here...give me a few) But you know what. As long as I do my best and try, then I'll be OK!

Monday, October 06, 2008

Freakish, Fluctuating Fun!

Yes, my weight is just fluctuating, fluctuating and fluctuating some more! At the end of last week i was where.....181.8. And then today I'm back to 185! This is just absolutely nuts! Oh well....at least I'm down a bit from where I was last Monday! However small it may be! It will come off....in it's own time!

Not much to talk about. I've been busy getting ready for vacation. Almost there...I'll sleep in my own bed two more times and then I'll be VACATIONING! I can't wait to get away. And it's not that we are doing anything spectacular. It's that we are getting away from the rat race! That is what I am looking forward to!

Meanwhile, I'm pretty much packed and ready to go. I'm going to load some of the stuff into the car tonight. Tomorrow will be a busy day for me. I'm working a long shift. I'm going to a ww center to be weighed in (I won't have time to stay at the meeting due to my long day at work). I'll get home after work and make dinner, do the last laundry, straighten the house, pack the last few things and watch TBL! So it will be a busy day. :-)

Sunday, October 05, 2008

changing tree for a changing girl


changing tree, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Well, I didn't weigh myself today. Don't know why, well I guess I do. I just forgot! Actually I haven't weighed myself for a couple days. So I have no clue where I'm at. I THINK I'm up. The monthly ick is on it's way!

Well, we were planning on going to the gym this morning. SO I didn't get up and exercise immediately. My bad. We ended up not going to the gym and running errands instead. I 'swore' I was going to come home and exercise. Yeah right! We did at least walk for about 45 minutes on the canal while we were out and about.

Nothing else much to post. I've been busy. I've had some plans for vacation and trying to ensure that we don't stray to far from our set course. On Friday I made granola bars to take along. Last night I made chocolate chip biscotti. While I love the biscotti that I make (crispy on the outside softer on the inside...to die for...and this recipe is only 1 point per piece) it is more for Todd. He loves it with coffee (I"m not a coffee drinker). I also packed a package of WASA crackers to take with us! :-) Nice zero point crispy snack if you need a bite of something. So I'm pretty much ready with that stuff. My clothes are pretty much all washed and ready, in fact some are even packed! Todd installed my new stereo in my car today! WOOO HOOO! I'm so ready to leave. Two more days of work, long days...but only two of them!

Well, I"m sure I could ramble on further, but I have a book in the bedroom that is calling my name. It's by Iris Johansen, Quicksand. Her stuff is usually a pretty good read.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Progress


Progress, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.
Well...I'm working through the mental stuff.......I think this is a huge step!

After a particularly horrid teaching experience (4th grade, outside of DC), I vowed to never set foot in a public school. I made it from 2001 until just recently. When I was hired at my current job, they informed me that we were 'Partners in Education' with the local Elementary School. I was up front and told them of my desire to stay as far away from a school as possible. They were ok with it. However, over the past year they have managed to get me into the school on three occaisions. I've lived! AND somehow they have talked me into mentoring a student at the said school, which will begin soon. But the biggest thing. I VOLUNTEERED to create and take care of a box tops for education collection box. After 7 years, am I starting to heal???"

My day. Not too bad. I've been busy ALL day. I just sat down! I exercised early this morning and then this afternoon I push mowed my parents properties...so there was some more activity!

Friday, October 03, 2008

pumpkin cookies


pumpkin cookies, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Why oh why did I make pumpkin cookies today. I woke up and hopped onto the scales. I was a few ounces up but I wasn't concerned....(I woke up thirsty, a sign that I was somewhat dehydrated). I decided to make the cookies. After all, I would have leftover pumpkin after making the pumpkin pancakes for breakfast. I was going to remain strong though. I thought about how proud I would be when I was able to stand back and say, "I managed that well!" I didn't try any of the cookie dough, which is a HUGE victory in itself. I didn't eat any of the cookies when they were warm and hot from the oven. HOWEVER, when I iced the cookies the trouble began. I hadn't made these cookies in about 3 year...maybe 4. So I just wanted to try one. That was actually my plan. I was going to have one cookie this evening. I caved and had my 'one' cookie this morning. BAD BAD BAD. Because I had seven and a half other cookies staring me flat in the eye! I don't know how many I ate. I know it wasn't pretty. I know my stomach hurts. I know physically I'm miserable! I'm also mad at myself.

Self sabotaging.......my weight just started to drop and here I do this to myself. Is this self sabotaging? Or is it simply the fact that once I start with something bad I just lose control.....trying to keep the euphoric feeling that I get when I eat something . I do believe that it wasn't a self sabotage (I had to throw that into the thought process though). I really think it was the food addiction. I caved, I had my first taste and just like someone who has that first hit of a drug or that first swig of alcohol I just couldn't stop!

I've said over and over and over again, that if I can just STAY AWAY from the bad stuff I'm OK. It's when I start.....arrgghhh I just can't stop!

Now I'm not trying to downplay the terribleness of a drug or alcohol addiction. It is terrible. No ifs ands or buts about it. However, sometimes I think that to be addicted to something like that and to kick that kind of habit would be so much easier. You see; in those cases,you can remove yourself from situations where you are confronted by your vice. Me, I'm addicted to food. I have to learn to confront my addiction day in and day out. I can not remove myself from my vice. I need food to live. I need food to sustain my body and my mind. There is NO WAY that I can live without it. I have to confront and conquer this addiction literally hundreds of times in the course of a day, a week, a month. And not only do I have to confront it...I have to partake of the very thing that I'm addicted to.

Meanwhile, I'm hoping to squeeze in another workout tonight, to try to compensate for those umpteen cookies that I ate. I really just didn't feel like lunch.....but I did bring along a Clementine and apple for a HEALTHY snack (so I'm not tempted to break into more of those cookies......I brought some to my co-workers). I am on my own for dinner tonight (Todd will be in town doing stuff for this benefit...he's actually eating dinner with mom and dad) so I'll be able to have zero or low points foods for dinner...veggie city here I come!

Tomorrow should be pretty easy for me to stay focused and on plan. I'll be eating my meals on my own...so mostly fruits and veggies for me. Plus, I'll exercise first thing in the morning......and I'm planning on mowing mom and dad's properties (that is 45 minutes with a push mower). So all is not lost. And if I gained a pound or so....it will come off!

Thursday, October 02, 2008

thepathway near Sharpsburg


thepathway near Sharpsburg, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

This morning I woke up and there was no doubt in my mind. I was riding the exercise bike come hell or high water. I hit up the bathroom first, as is my normal routine. I weighed myself. HOLY MOLY! 181.0 pounds. That is a loss of 5.6 pounds since TUESDAY? I thought I was shocked yesterday......woah doggie. Today I'm just plain and simple blown away! I refust to psychoanalyze the situation. I don't care at this point. Yep, it could have been water, yep, it could hav been the kick ass last few days I've had. I don't care. What I care about is that it was 181. 0 That puts me back into my 'happy 5 pound' area! (within 5 pounds from my lowest weight ever....I have always said I would be ok, happy if my weight stayed within 5 pounds of my lowest ever weight.....and if it went above it was panic time!). SO I'm a happy girl. It is also redoubling my motivation to go on vacation and really nail the vacation. I want to lose weight! (I'll be happy with a maintain though).

Anyway, so this morning I weighed myself and hopped onto the exercise bike. I was about 15 minutes into my ride when Todd woke up and mentioned the gym. Well heck, i was ready to hop of the bike and hit up the gym instead. But he then quickly remembered and obligation he had that would make the gym not quite as feasible. I suggested a walk on the canal. His eyes lit up. We had a winner. I rode the exercise bike for 30 minutes, ate lunch and got dressed and then walked on the canal for an hour! Not too shabby!

Vacation plans.....here they are.
1. I'm taking homemade granola bars and 1 point candy (WW) so that we have something realativly healthy to snack on.
2. When we get there, I"m going to hit up the grocery store and have a few items on hand at my brothers house so that I can eat a decently healthy breakfast AND lunch at their house. (this will save us money also!)
3. Eat sensibly when we go out for dinner!
4. I'm planning on jogging or riding my brothers exercise bike in the mornings.
5. walking walking walking. I've told Todd that I want to walk walk walk as much as we can! Why drive that 1/2 mile to the Mexican restaurant that we want to visit when we can walk there!

I'm determined to make this vacation a successful weight week!

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Wednesday


Desi, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Thought I'd share a picture of Desi.....this is technically my husbands cat. The cat...well...the cat tolerates me. But he's getting better! Oh well, the other three cats adore me!

Well, my weight dropped. This morning it was down to 183.6. That is a three pound drop from yesterday. I think I'm about ready to give up trying to make sense of it!

I feel as if I've done REALLY good with my food today. I ate oatmeal for breakfast and then on the first Wednesday of the month when Todd has a board meeting, I usually go out to eat with mom. Today, I ate with mom, but we ate at her house. We had a meal of mostly veggies and fruit. I was satisfied. Mom struggled a bit with being satisfied. BUT, she was tickled because her blood sugar levels remained really good and didn't spike like they normally do (hello, she's eating JUNK!)

Todd and I stayed in town for dinner. Mom and I each combined our forces and made dinner together. It's always like old times cooking in the same kitchen with my mom...good memories. We actually ended up making Glazed chicken with apples, roasted potatoes, carrots and peas. For dessert we had jello with pears in it. Pretty good meal! :-)

Woke up this morning and we hit up the gym. I set the elliptical at 60 minutes, level 12 with a random hill program. In my mind I set a personal goal to reach at least 500 calories burned and 4 miles. I was plugging along...I was JUST going to make my goal when my friend Sherry walked into the gym. Nope, I didn't stop. She climbed onto the elliptical beside mine and we talked for the last 5 minutes of my 60 minute program and then I just put it on a level and I did backwards for 15 more minutes. So 75 minutes of exercise. Made it to well over 600 calories burned (if you can believe those machines...but hey, I use those figures as goals) and over 5 miles!

Lets see...in other news. Oh wait, Ethel is having a health problem. (she's had diarrhea for the last few days). I got medicine from the vet today. Hopefully that clears it up. (hopefully before vacation).

Todd and I are watching the gas shortage problem closely. That is the last thing that we want. To be in the middle of our travels and end up stranded or stuck somewhere without gas....and we heard that the problem is spreading to the Midwest....where we will be. LOVELY!

Other than that...nothing much else to report!