Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I've come further than than I ever even dreamed possible. At one point in this journey I thought that I would be happy and call it quits at 220 pounds. I surpassed that mark and broke the two-hundred pound barrier. I made it into the one hundreds and I was tickled. As the numbers on the scale creeped lower and lower, and consequentially further away from the dreaded two-ohh ohh I made a vow. I boldly and openly vowed and declared that, "I will NEVER again see a two as the first number of my weight. I will never again be 200 pounds or above." The weight loss started to slow down....I made it into the upper 170's (for a few days) but stalled at right around 180 pounds. I stayed there...stuck between 180 and 185. But after months of that, the weight started to rise. 188, 189, ohhhh no, back into the 190's . 192 and 195 came and went. It progressed. Inside I was panicked. I was getting closer to that big bad number. Ohhh I celebrated when I saw it the first time....but to see it again would NOT be a celebration. About a week ago it happened. 201.8 glared up at me from the display on those scales.
I was not happy! I wanted to cry! How in the world could this happen. I had vowed to never see that number again, yet there it was! I promised myself and I broke that promise!
And that is the point of my whole post today. It's sooo easy to stand up and make vows and declarations about how well I'm doing. How easy it is. And how I will NEVER return to what I was. But I needed to learn a lesson. The lesson? As easy as it is to make all those remarks. It's ohhh so ever much easier to lose control and spiral out of control. In the blink of an eye, you are at a Y in the path. If you are not paying attention, you chose the wrong path and once on that wrong path.....it's hard to find your way back to the correct path! Luckily, I have realized that I chose the wrong path and have gotten helplessly lost after only 20 pounds. But what if I hadn't hit that big bad number which made me sit back and yes, freak out? Would it have been 40 pounds? 60? Would I have put back on the whole 120 pounds instead of just 20?
I'm addicted to food. Just because I'm in a thiner me doesn't take away the issue. I got a little of my drug of choice, food; and I couldn't stop. I think I needed to see how quickly it can, does and will spiral out of control. I hope by writing this post that it will help me remember in months and years to come, but also those of you who read it. Even if you are going strong now...please please please remember and learn from my mistakes!!!!
This morning....exercised 45 minutes and more importantly.....199.8
Monday, December 29, 2008
I really don't have too much to say. I am coming to a conclusion to a test that I have been conducting. Right around the beginning/middle of November I was talking to a weight watcher buddy. And we were talking about how I had never been really able to eat my flex points. It seems as if anytime I eat them, I gain...or maintain on a few rare occaisions. Well, we were talking and I was lamenting this fact. We concocted a scheme in which I try to eat my flex points each week. And not just judge it on a single week or two. Try it for at least a month. I did. I do not like the results. Yeah, I've indulged here and there......but for the most part, I've been withing my points allowance (if I include those flex points). SOOOOO with a sad heart, I'm going to try to knuckle back down to the daily points and ignore those wonderful flex points. I will miss those 35 flex points!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Ok ok ok ok. Let me talk about weight. As we know, I started my 6 week challenge earlier this week. I was so good. And then I weighed myself (either Christmas Eve or Christmas morning) and yikes, my weight was 200.4! I ate healthy. I exercised but my weight was up. No excuses though. I looked at my journal. Could see really nothing out of whack, so just chalked it up to this bumpy ride and vowed to continue on. Well, of course Christmas day while much better than previous years was not the greatest eating wise.....I ignored the scales yesterday and vowed that today I would own up to the 'badness'. 201.8. YIKES! But that is my figure. It's going DOWN from here!
Friday, December 26, 2008
I am doing ok with eating thus far today. I am working a long day, so I was up early and ate some cereal before packing my lunch for work. Yesterday when I was preparing Christmas dinner I purposefully fixed tons extra vegetables than we needed. Why? So I would have leftovers! So into my lunchbox for today....green beans, corn, sauerkraut, fruit salad and a wasa cracker. I'm so on track! Oh wait, I did throw in a treat. I grabbed a jello rice pudding / tapioca (can't remember which) thing....so a little sweetness, but not a lot of calories! I'm doing ok. No, I didn't exercise today. But I plan on starting SOON!
So this morning I logged on and started reading the new blog entries. I got to this one and I was so moved. It is about the christmas binge. Seashore writes that she indulged in the holiday food. BUT, she was honest with herself and actually tracked everything that she ate. NOW, I have to be honest. I track my food. My food journal is on the bar in the kitchen (in it's own little handy dandy tin to keep it from getting lost on those days when the bar gets piled high with junk...yeah those days/weeks). I enter everything. BUt I have to be honest...yesterday I started tracking. I got as far as cereal----3 points and then at the end of the day I simply wrote on the page Christmas with a smiley face beside it. I read this post and stopped dead. I wanted...no I needed to see where I stood....so here it is. (thank goodness for that christmas pass for the challenge!)
Breakfast- cereal - 3 points
Lunch- Mom's stuffing-15 points (estimate...probably low)
corn- 2 points
green beans- 0 points
baked beans- 3 points
jello cake- 5 points (thank heavens a healthy version)
sauerkraut- 0 points
Dinner roll- 4 points
Small amount of promise butter- 0 points
Sweet potatoes- 5 points
Fruit salad- 2 points
Small slice of pumpkin bread- 4 points
Ginger bread cookie- 3 points
Dinner- Turkey salad - 4 points (made as healthy as possible)
Natures Own bread- 1 point
Jello cake - 5 points
We are talking 53 points. Yes, my points are estimates while I sit here at work. But At least I faced up to it! Next thing to face up to...the scales! :-)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Ok, I totally used my 'free day' pass today. I went REALLY heavy on veggies thought at our big meal! The bad stuff.....stuffing. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my mom's stuffing/dressing (I asked her to bring it to the meal). I really only get it twice a year. Once at Thanksgiving and once at Christmas. I indulged today. Lets see I had one dinner roll. I had a piece of pumpkin bread and a piece of jello cake. Really the stuffing is the bad stuff. Some of the veggies were more starchy 'bad' ones....corn and sweet potatoes. (because I had the sweet potatoes, I didn't touch the mashed potatoes).
I'm feeling stuffed though.
After we ate, I cleaned everything up. It was easier to put everything into the fridge. But after everyone left and it was just my husband and myself, I did something that was VERY difficult for me. I threw out the leftover dressing/stuffing. Dumped it! Why???? Well, as I stated earlier, I love my mom's stuffing and I would have LOVED to have eaten the leftovers. But would that have been the wisest thing for me to eat? NO! Unequivicably no! So I got rid of it! While I was doing that I also looked at what was left of the jello cake. There was quite a bit left. I cut out one more piece for me and put it on a plate. I asked my husband if he wanted some (he said no..that he wanted the rum cake that was left here....I'm not as tempted by that). SOOOOOOOO I dumped that cake into the garbage also! Got a cake server and served that yummy delicious cake right into the garbage can! Yes, that cake is low fat, light, whatever you want to call it. BUT it is a huge temptation for me. And if I would eat piece after piece of the cake, then it no longer is a wise choice.
So, I got rid of the temptation items. Straight into the garbage can they went! I'm ready to move on and get this weight loss show back on the right track!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Ohh yes, and in other news. I actually exercised this morning. 55 minutes on the exercise bike. Let me tell you...this is I think only the second time I've exercised since thanksgiving! (family visiting, crappy sickness, vacation eiii yii yiii.....only the sickness would have been a valid reason not to exercise). Onward and upward!
Monday, December 22, 2008
"I'm recommitting myself to strictness for the next 6 weeks while I'm off work. I think it builds character and I'm very curious to see how that kind of dedication pays off in weight loss results. Would you like to do this challenge with me? TOTAL commitment with NO EXCUSES accepted!!! The Boy is able to do this when he's in training mode. I so admire this strength of mind and would like to develop it in myself." It's informal ~ you're accountable only to yourself. If you're interested in pushing past your present limits you've set for yourself, I'd love to have you along for the ride.Ok, since it's the season, I'm giving a pass for Christmas Day and New Year's Eve but THAT'S IT!!! Even on those 2 days though, try and restrain yourself :)"
Sounds like a good plan to me....and since I'm trying to turn my 'trend' around.....perfect!
I have been doing much better the last few days. I will not lie and say that I am 100% on plan. I am eating within my points, but I feel as if I'm not getting all my veggies. That is my goal for this week!!! Oh yeah, and another goal for this week......start again with my multi-vitamin. I have fallen off the band wagon with that too!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
SOOOO, how can I pin point the 2007 work Christmas party. Well, I had been doing really well. But my co-workers were insistent that I join them in eating that day. I can't lay the blame on them...but they did egg me on to eat. And then eat some more. And then eat more still. One of my co-workers talked to me a few days later and apologized for her action, Even though she didn't egg me on like some of the others, she was sorry that she didn't tell them to shush. In fairness, the one gal that was so excited to see me actually eating was a gal that eats junk food CONSTANTLY and wears a size 2....I think she plain and simple did not understand. That said....I'm still to blame! BUt from that point, I struggled. For about 9 months I maintained...and then I started to gain. I think some of the last few months of gaining has been basically eating in frustration because I was not losing. During the months of maintaining, I was never really off the plan...but I was skirting on the edge. The good thing.....I know how to maintain. But I was frustrated and it was easy to say, "well if I'm not going to lose, I may as well eat what I want." And I started to gain.
Yesterday brought the 2008 work christmas party. Yes, I ate. I'll admit that I ate way too much. And last night (actually while I was still at work yesterday evening) it hit me....full circle. I'm determined that yesterday's party marks the end of the last wishy washy year of weight loss efforts. Where one year's party marked the beginning...I want this years party to mark the end.
So last night I was thinking some more about all of this and I've come to the conclusion. For the time being, I can't even nibble on certain things. If I start...even if it's a tiny piece of cake....I will keep going back for more. (yesterday I had a small piece of rum cake.....small piece. Ok, so that's not so bad...but that put the taste in my mouth...and I kept going back for just one more tiny piece......over and over!....ok, three pieces of cake). Ironically enough, I don't crave cake or sweets. It's only after I have 'indulged' and had a piece...THEN I want another piece! Chocolate...don't want it...but if I eat a piece...I want another piece. So why do I even start???? And that's my point. Why should I? I also know that there are situations where I can have a piece of cake or a treat. But in closely monitored instances where there is only the option for me to have that one piece.
I'm addicted to food...if I start, I can't stop. (well I can.....but it's difficult.). I would like to say that someday I'll be able to conquer this and be able to look a cake in the eye....eat one piece...or one bite and say 'that's enough'. But right now....no. So for that reason, I can't have any!
Didn't weigh myself today. Guess I'm kinda scared to. Not to fear...I will! And just because I didn't weigh in doesn't mean that I'm ready to work my tail end off (literally)!
Friday, December 19, 2008
What my topic of conversation today is going to be about is New Years Resolutions. I am part of a group of women that are committed to taking one picture a day for a year and submitting it to a central group. (see the side bar for the link to my individual pictures mf's 365 and also the link to our groups pictures envisage). Via email one of our members brought up the idea to follow a 101 things in 1001 days. Basically before you begin you think of 101 things that you would like to do in the next 1001 days. Make your list and on day one you begin working on that list. At first I thought that this was a grand idea. But then I started thinking about my obligations. I know that I need to immerse myself in the process of losing weight. It really does need to be what I live and breath (oh and eat too...haa haa haa). I am doing this one picture a day for a year. That takes some time also. I write in this blog. I have a recipe blog (at which I've been woefully missing lately). I was just afraid to really get into some other huge project that will take my time. I don't want to stretch myself too thin. AND 1001 days is a long commitment. But I just couldn't stop thinking about the premise of the plan. And that is to give yourself concrete goals for the upcoming set period. It can be used to really help push a person out of their comfort zone into a 'space' that is good. Help one grow and learn new things. I really wanted to do it. But that long committment, I KNEW that I would struggle. But then I started thinking about my New Years Resolutions. I've never really set one. I think about starting new things in the new year and I refer to my new start as a resolution. But this year, I've decided to set some concrete goals for the new year. I think a year is more managable! So I'll begin laying out my ideas here...some will be weight related....some will not. :-)
1. I will get myself back to my doctors approved weight watcher weight. That is roughly 20 pounds (yeah, stop gasping...I've gained 20 pounds since mid august!)
2. Continue to keep the business books up to date and not procrastinate (I've done pretty good this year...but in years past...eii yiii yiii)
3. Exercise at least 4 hours each week. That is 4 hours a week or 16 hours a month or 208 hours a year. Wow...when I think of that it really isn't that bad sounding. :-)
4. Try one new recipe a week. Yes, some weeks may not have one...some will have two or three. But at the end of the year, I'd like to have at least 52 new recipes. I get really good about trying new recipes and cooking ideas...but after a month or two, I stop and go back to the tried and true recipes/meals.
I'll work on laying out individual plans for each one in the upcoming days!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Well, yesterday I ate sooo badly. We stopped at McDonalds and got an Eggnog Milkshake. Now let me say that I haven't purchased anything at McDonalds in over 2 years (probably longer)...so this was huge. But I really do like their Eggnog Milkshakes...I got a small (could have had a gigantor huge one it tasted sooo good...but I did small). I made cookies for work (we have our christmas party tomorrow and we decided to have a cookie tray and punch for our customers....so I volunteered to do some cookies). Well, I ate cookie dough.....a lot of cookie dough. (ohhh yeah, I ate my allotement of calories/points just in my normal meals that I ate...so these extra things are truely extra calories that I took in). Ohh yeah, and then in the evening I made popcorn and had a diet soda. The popcorn and diet soda have so much sodium (that I'm not used to) that it affects my weight...water retention. So I KNEW that this morning was going to be BAD. (as in I'm teetering on the edge of going over 200 pounds...and I thought I would after yesterdays eating.). HOWEVER, in the middle of the night I woke up with stomach pains. Now I won't give you all the icky details but suffice to say that every hour or so I got out of bed an well, elminated some of the bad food that I ate. It happens almost everytime I eat horribly! And everytime, I realize that before I started eating healthy and was eating like that all the time, that the middle of the night stomach aches were commonplace. So this morning, still feeling a bit nauseated, I stepped onto the scale. ANd I was down almost a full pound. Oh my word. I was shocked. Nope, no exercise yesterday either.
Ok, how was that for TMI????
Now here is the question of the hour. Because we don't get these yummy treats all that often anymore, does it make us want to attack a plate of cookies with more vengenance than we would have in the past...before the altered lifestyle. Does it taste so good and do we lose control more easily because it's something that we don't get that often, or did we always fall upon a plate of cookies (fudge, cake...whatever) with a frenzy reminicent of some 'half starved, on therdeathbead
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
CHRISTMAS EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
My weight stayed the same this morning. I was hoping I would get a bit further away from the big two ohh ohhh but that was not to be. Oh well...tomorrow! :-)
The weather is foul right now......so the rest of my day will probably be really slow and boring here at work. Ahhh more time for surfing the internet and reading my book!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Todd mentioned getting back to the gym...as in going tomorrow morning. I know that I need to get my butt into gear and back to daily workouts. However, I dread doing it! But I know that I need to!
In other news I'm back at work after my week off. On one hand it's nice to be back....the week off was so immensly busy, but of course it's always nice to be at home and off work. The good thing...being back at work will put me back into a routine where I can manage my eating a bit better. Not that being off is any excuse to gain...but for me, days that I work are so much more easy to navigate!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
This past week was incredibly busy. Todd and I spent a day in DC, a day in Lancaster County PA, and a day roaming north of us that ended at a friends house for the afternoon and evening of fun. We worked in the local soup kitchen one day. One day we worked to help put on a christmas party for underprivledged kids. And then we also spent a day working and volunteering for some other various organizations. Yesterday was spent on errends that got pushed aside all week.....so it was just a plumb crazy week!!!
My weight was at one point this past week up to 199.8. I totally flipped out. That is so close to that mark that I don't even want to say out loud! I was good and dropped the number to 196 (195.8 according to ww scales). The problem....I then kinda lost a bit of control that day after the weigh in...so this morning (two days later) I was back up to 198 and some loose change. I'm not too worried as last night I had some diet soda..and that usually causes my weight to be up! We'll see. Meanwhile I'm working to bring my eating totally under control!
The plan for the rest of the holiday season is pretty straight forward. I've got to navigate my work christmas party. I feel pretty confident that I can do ok with this. We also have to take my husbands uncle out for dinner sometime right before Christmas. He wants to go to Longhorn Steakhouse. I do pretty well there. And Christmas dinner. I'm having mom and dad here and I'm doing a basic dinner..lots of veggies! No trays laden with desserts! So I think I'm good for the rest of the year!
Now to get back to exercising! Because I do know that is where that's where it's at!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
I will say that my weight has held somewhat steady over the week...up and then down...but averaged about the same.
Friday, December 05, 2008
I'm aiming for the Tuesday morning meeting now! Tuesdays are one of my more shorter days....so that's good!
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Hopefully soon I can get back into the exercise routine. Thus far I've been able to maintain some semblance of proper eating. My weight this mornign was right at 192.6...which is down from thanksgiving morning of 197 (and loose change). So I'm pretty tickled with that. Plus, I've maintained taht 192.6 the last few days while I haven't really been careful about what i eat...other than making sure I was eating something soft that would not hurt going down the throat. (tee hee hee).
Weight Watchers is coming out with a new program next week. Should be interesting. Maybe that's what I need...somethign a little different in which to help me stay focused on my goals. We'll see.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Still sick. As this was day 7 of this crude, I had to suck it up and call the doctor. Hopefully the meds kick in soon! Then I can get myself back into gear with exercise too!!!!!
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
I'm actually tickled with that as I am still sick and kinda fell off the bandwagon of healthy eating last night. Not really badly...but i should have had more veggies...oh well.
Exercise...non-existant. Well, we did make it to the gym on Sunday!
Well, I think I may have gotten a step further in my dryer saga. I had called the warranty company a week ago this past sunday. The repair place was going to call me on Monday. No call. I called them and left messages. No return calls. So yesterday i called Lowes. They said that they would contact the repair service and I would get a call by the end of the day. Nothing. meanwhile, I have clothes hanging in the library and in the guest bathroom. Sheets need washed but come on now...where to hang sheets in the house???? SO anyway, I called again this morning. They contacted a second repair place, gave me the information and said their goodbyes. Before I could even hang up the phone, the call waiting was beeping. It was the repair place that lowes had just hung up with! I talked to him extensively and told him waht the dryer did AND what Todd had checked (breakers, he had a tester and the outlet is getting power, he tested the chords on the back, etc). The guy was like....'normally I come out and check that stuff...but I'll go ahead and order the part we'll need. He said normally the part comes within a week...but sometimes can be backordered (that's normal)...so hopefully next week sometime I'll have my dryer repaired!! WOOO HOOOO!