Thursday, June 11, 2009

Ran into a post today that just really struck home and it made my problems with losing weight startingly clear. I've been struggling for the last year and a half first with the fact that I had stopped losing and then in the last few months with the fact taht I've started to gain. I've pondered why and while I know I sabotage myself I can't figure out why. And then I read that post. It just made it all clear. I recommend reading it in it's entirety here but the gist of what I got out of it and what I realized about myself is that I started losing weight and had this belief in my head that when I lost the weight that my life would just automatically change. I would have lots of friends, I would be this active person that wasn't afraid to do all sorts of things, I would be free and my life would be grand. However, I got to my doctor approved weight and nothing changed. I was still shy and quiet and afraid to do things becasue of my weight (I was afraid to ride a ride at Hershey park last summer because I thought I was too big...at 180 pounds...I did end up riding it and was shocked that I fit). Nothing changed. So I think in the back of my mind I gave up a bit, afterall, nothing changed. So I maintained and eventually gained. On that same note, have I been scared to face this real me that I've hidden behind all this weight and as it emerged (as a more quiet person) as something I didn't like I decided to backtrack and sequester myself behind some weight again. I think so.

What also became clear is that if I can change my weight, my eating habits and lifestyle, that I can force myself to make those first few steps toward the freedom that I would really like to have. The freedom to not be afraid to try new things. I'm smart enough to realize that the more things I face, the easier it will become in the furture to face other things!

So that is my deep thoughts for the day!

Now onto my weight......Yesterday morning I woke up REALLY eary and rode the exercise bike for 70 minutes. After work Todd and I went for a walk for about 45 minutes and then we walked again later for another 45 minutes. I had hoped it was enough to negate our evening plans......I just wasn't sure.....

The concert....fabulous. Everytime I see these two bands, I grow to like them just a little more...which is amazing because Chicago and Earth Wind & Fire are already two of my all time favorites. They are first and foremost amazing musicians but they also put on one heck of a show. We left last night from our house at about 3, hooked up with another couple and drove down to the metro area. We ended up getting to Columbia at around 4:15. Our dinner reservations were at 5. While the bar was open and we had briefly discussed going in and chit chatting at the bar while we waited for the third couple that was joining us for dinner. Instead we decided to walk the path by the lake. I wasn't going to turn down that opportunity to get a little bit more activity in for the day! Dinner was very good. I got baked ziti and a diet coke. Todd ordered a seafood pizza and a martini. The portions were HUGE but very tasty. I honestly had been planning on getting a dessert, but the meal was HUGE and I literally had no room for dessert. Yay for me for listening to my body's signals. After dinner we headed over to the post (merriweather post pavillion). Right as we were walking through the parking lot, the rain started. Luckily most of it held off until we got under the pavillion. And then it let loose and poured. I felt badly for the people that had lawn seats and were out in the rain. But oh well...that's why we paid for our seats...no worries about weather. It was still pouring when we left...so we were wet when we got back to the car. Oh well....I'd rather get wet on the way out versus on the way in. Now I'm tired...because I was up yesterday morning ag 5AM, but didn't get to sleep until 2AM this morning...that's a 21 hour day...and today I'm operating on about 5 hours of sleep. Oh well, I can make it. :-)

Soooo, the weight this morning?? I was down 4/10ths of a pound! WOO HOOO

I will admit that today will probably be a day off from exercise. Not because I'm sore or anything, only because I'm just really tired!

1 comment:

Tena said...

Hi, MaryFran! Thanks for mentioning my post here! I'm glad my words helped you to realize somethings. And now, your words have helped me see even clearer. To change old habits is going to be tough. But we are the only ones that can make it happen and we will. One day at a time!