Sunday, August 30, 2009
Yesterday started early with me picking tomatoes in the garden. About a bushel ful of tomatoes were picked. I then came in and started working. I put them through the food mill and got about a third of that bubbling away in a stock pot, a third bubbling away in a crock pot and a third in a container waiting for an open burner on the stove. I got my water bath canner rolling and started in on my 3 bushels of apples (probably closer to 3.5 bushels when I added in the apples I bought last week.). As I was working I noticed that the house was becoming more and more humid and hotter and hotter. By 12:30 it was about 90 degrees in here but the worst of it, the air conditioning system kept powering totally down. It would restart, reset and run for about a minute and then power down. I was freakin' out! Not good when you have stuff bubbling away and spewing more hot air into your house. In the midst of this I sliced open my finger pretty badly. After the finger slicing I had a bit of a meltdown, crying and sobbing...oh yeah, the whole nine yards. BUT when I gathered myself together I was able to think clearly. I switched from canning my applesauce to freezing it. That removed the canner and all that hot steam from the kitchen. I then focused on getting everything done as fast as possible. Todd and I worked and worked and did it. I was in prayer the whole time about our heat pump! I knew that the guy that we would have come look at it was busy during the day so there was no use to call him at that point. My prayers were answered......Todd all of a sudden thought about the condensation drain. Sure enough, it was clogged! He unclogged it and it started to work. We still had a bunch of stuff on the stove, so the temps didn't drop quite as quickly as we would have liked, but we were tickled!
For lunch we had hot dogs (turkey dogs for me..and yes, I had two), mac and cheese and applesauce. For dinner we ran up to town and ate at chipotle where I had a vegetarian burrito (with sour cream, cheese and gaucamole!) and todd and I split and order of chips and salsa. So my eating was not totally up to par yesterday, BUT I was on my feet all day (after dinner we slipped into Best Buy..we were there for about 2-3 hours buying some new toys). Then of course we came home and had to tear down our old toys and start putting the new toys in place! So other than sitting to eat and sitting to drive up to town (and a little sitting/kneeling while working late in the evening) I was up, on my feet and active from about 8Am on Saturday until about 1AM on Sunday morning. Which leads us to my weight this morning....
I was a little nervous about my weight this morning. Afterall, I had a HUGE point meal on Friday night (delicious) and yesterdays foods weren't the best in points I can imagine. Sour cream???? Guacamole??? (I'll figure my points in a few minutes here...for the reckoning). But my weight was 209.6. So I dropped! Whew!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
The problem. Longhorn Steakhouse....parmesan crusted chicken. Looked up the calories today. 1080 calories! JUST for the chicken! YIKES! It was soooo good though! I also had a sweet pototo (with butter and cinnamon), a salad with honey mustard dressing (they forgot the cheese on my salad...thank goodness, I don't think I needed it...wanted it, but didn't need it and ironically enough, I didn't realize it was missing until this morning) and one piece of bread! Uhhh yeah, I blew yesterday! NO, I blew one meal! I actually walked into that meal with having 21 points alloted. (I ate really healthy for breakfast and lunch...lots of zero pointers...stuff like green beans!) No worries. I'm back on it today. And today is a high level activity day with the apples!!!
Friday, August 28, 2009
I'm hoping to pick up some apples today and do my applesauce tomorrow. I just want this canning to be over. I've canned a TON of stuff this year. I'm ready to put the canning stuff away, clean up my kitchen for good and go back to normality. :-) But a huge huge huge day of canning means a lot of activity and movement on my part. Big canning days are usually a boost to my weight loss efforts....because it's 12-14 hours or straight up movement. I usually even eat on the run. :-)
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Sooo I'll start this new realm off with some confessions.
1. My bike ride this morning that I mentioned in passing....I didn't even make it 30 minutes. I only did 20 minutes. No wait...total honesty.....I rode 19 minutes and 23 seconds before giving up and going back to laze mode!
2. Yesterday, while I still ate ok and managed my food and showed a loss this morning...the boredom got me at work in the afternoon. I ate a handful of pretzels, a handful of tortilla chips and 5 pieces of salt water taffy. I counted my points and monitored my eating the rest of the day, but I caved to the temptation of my addiction. (see, I glossed over that fact....yeah, I still came out on top...but I lost control of my addiction...and the only reason i stopped was because I ate a piece of taffy and didn't like the flavor)
3. My weight. I've admitted that I've gained some. I've shared that I'm losing again. But I've never talked about how much I've gained. I've glossed over the down and dirty figures. Last fall, just about a year ago, I was terribly proud because I was showing a huge weight loss. Well over a hundred pounds. I had reached the weight that my doctor thought was a good one for me, 180 pounds. I had made lifetime at weight watchers (based on my doctors recommendation...he said I could go lower, but 180 was the high end of where he thought I should be.) I felt good with my body, yeah, I would like to go lower but i was happy. And then I went on vacation. I splurged and ate. I ate some more. And then even more. I came back and i weighed close to 189 pounds. Instead of jumping right back on the plan, I continued my unhealthy habits. Sometimes. I never went totally off the plan, but I was never hard core with eating healthy. I splurged more often than I should have and worked out less often. Soon I saw 190 pounds. Then 195. Before I knew it I was back at 199 pounds facing that huge dividing line. 200. Yes, I hit 200 and kept going. Still vowing to get it under control...I was trying ya know. My attempt was just half hearted. 205 came and then 208. I started a competition with a friend when I weighed 208.8...a few short months ago. I was still only half heartedly working on this...yet trying to convince myself and the world that I had my food addiction under control. The scales said something different. Last Saturday I stepped on the scales and saw 217. Yes, that is still just about 100 pounds from where I first started...but that is also almost 40 stinkin' pounds from where I was a year ago. That is not cool but what is totally not acceptable is the fact that I've been lying to myself and skirting the truth. I messed up. I'm happy to say that in the last week I've dropped and my weight was exactly 210.0 this morning! Yes, I've done really well this week!
That is all the half truths that I can think of from my most recent entries that I can think that need to be set straight. And as hard as it has been to admit...I feel better for it.
So here I am at work....I've already had 1/3 of the total amount of transactions that I had yesterday and I'm only 1 hour in. Still boring..because 7 transactions in an hour are not all that much...but I'll take what I can get. I'm reeling though...they seem to have blocked facebook!!! That was my daily entertainment! Oh well. I've still got blogger! LOL
My weight was down even further today. Four Tenths of a pound today, so it is slowing down...but still moving in the right direction at least!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The only thing that saves me is the fact that I pack my lunch. When the food in my lunch box is gone, I'm done eating. The bad thing? I know taht there are chips in the cabinet just over yonder. I will freely admit that there have been times in the not so distant past where after the lobby is closed that I have snuck over to that cabinet (the drive through person is facing the other direction) and tried to ever so quietly open up a bag of chips and get a light snack. (not only do I eat from boredom, but I'm also a closet eater). Sad, I know.
I deal with roughly 40 hours each week of this intense boredom. My will is being constantly tested. Food is in my thoughts for a good portion of that. Why? Because old habits die hard. I'm a food addict plan and simple. It (food) fills my thoughts much of my time. Is this something that I will ever change? I'm actually thinking no. I think that food will occupy most of my thoughts for the rest of my life. I'm ok with that though...because I'm constantly learning and evolving and learning how to deal with this addiction.
Soooo did anyone read the article on brain function and obesity? Yes, apparently obese people have diminished brain capabilities. Just one more thing to scare us!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I woke up this morning and pondered riding my bike to work again. I ended up chosing to not. HOWEVER, I did ride my exercise bike this morningi for 30 minutes. Yeah yeah yeah, I used to do an hour and a half. But you know....for my recent activity level, 30 minutes is spectacular! And I can't look at wwht used to be...I need to look at now and look to the future! So I'm proud of myself...formal exercise two days in a row! (watch out...it may snow).
I've brought in my recipe book. I have a friend coming to visit in a week and a half. She and I have been struggling and we both talked about the fact that we don't want to gain while she is here. It would be sooo darn easy too. But I'm planning on cooking at home some, which will help. We have also decided to set aside one splurge day. Not as an excuse to go hog wild...but to monitor our splurge. I'm thinking it may be the day we go to the ocean....that would probably be the wisest course since we will be leaving the house EARLY and getting back LATE (it's about three to three and a half hours one way to the beach). So most likely we will be eating all meals that day on the go...less control. PLUS, we'll be walking on the boardwalk and such while we are there...for activity. So anyway, I'm planning as many low points meals as possible so that it can counteract any higher points meals that we may eat out. I know Taco Soup is one of the things. I'm also thinking burritos. For a snack maybe some Sorbet Oh yum, thinking about pizza casserole, only 7 points for a big serving! Sooo that's my plan for the day!
Monday, August 24, 2009
My weight has dropped in the last two days. So I'm feeling remotely better about that. It's still high high high. But it's dropping and I'm not stopping until it does. Yesterday I calculated my points carefully and planned out my eating. I stayed within my points and all was good. I was also really active. I woke up at about 6 AM and went out and picked tomatoes, green peppers and zucchinis. The green peppers and zucchinis were for mom, the tomatoes...well joy joy, they were for me to preserve. So I worked on tomatoes all morning. After they were done, I cleaned the house and had just enough time to grab lunch, shower and then head up to Hagerstown. Mom and I went to the movies to see Julie and Julia. I really liked the movie. It was inspiring. Inspiring me to be more creative and try more recipes. No, I'm not the french cuisine type girl, so I have no desire to do the exact same thing. But it reminds me of my goal to try more recipes...which I have done. I go through spurts and try a lot and then go through weeks on end where I just cook the good old stand-by meals. But anyway, I digress....I liked the movie. Just a little feel good movie.
After the movie mom and I swung up through Smithsburg and I stopped at the orchard and picked up my pears. (and some other fruit to eat fresh). I skeddaddled on home and started the long process of canning my pears for the upcoming year. Todd came home midway through so I stopped, made dinner and then picked back up and finished those pears. (todd helped....what a great husband!) So I was on my feet all day working!
This morning I woke up early and went to the kitchen and put away the now dried dishes from my last washing last night. I also wiped down the jars from last night and put them away. I took out the last bowl of compost from last night and turned the compost pile. There is something about the steam rising from the compost pile that just excites me. (yeah, I'm weird I know). I picked the blossoms off the first year of our everbearing strawberries (about 75 plants) and I made breakfast for todd and I. The kitchen was cleaned up once again. I showered and packed my stuff and hopped onto my bike to ride into work. Yes, you read that right. I rode my bike to work. First time on the road since June 6th! I've been on my bike a handful of times, but it has been on the canal...flat flat flat. I will say that I'm feeling it. 2.5 miles and I'm feeling it. AND I of course have to ride home tonight. Oh well...I've got to get used to it. I'm pretty much to the do or die.....sink or swim time. I've got 3 weeks until my next organized ride. I don't want to be miserably sore. So I know that i need to be out on my bike a few times a week until then!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
I love my Trek. It has been with me through thick and thin...through the loss of 100 plus pounds. And I do not plan on getting rid o my Trek. I'll be keeping that for riding on the canal. My trek is what is known as a comfort bike, so not really a mountain bike not really a....well not really anything else. I love it. But you sit more upright and it just isn't that efficient. So I do believe it's time to buy a road bike. I'm looking at the jamis Ventura Comp. I was looking at the sport, but I do believe I'm going to upgrade to the comp. We'll have to see.
Food thus far today is rolling. . I haven't eaten taht many points, but they were foods that really filled me up and satisfied me (taco soup...yummy! and only 1 point per 1 cup!). That helps the points along when you eat 2 cups of very fillling soup for 2 points!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
My weight...stayed exactly the same from yesterday morning to this morning. But that's ok...it's going to go down!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
1. Euphoria over the lingering memories of the delicious tasting food.
2. Physical illness from eating foods that my body is not accustomed to (or should I say in the quantity that my body is not accustomed to).
3. Mentally kicking myself for binging. Self disgust if you will.
Yeah, it's kinda confusing to have all of these emotions and feelings coursing through my body. But after I typed it and I'm sitting here at work, I realized that I need to make the choice. I can feel any or all of those emotions OR I can feel some other emotions and feelings......
4. Empowerment-received when I'm on top of my eating and beating my food addiction.
5. Physically strong-the food that my body is receiving gives me energy and a vivaciousness because it is what my body needs and in the quantity that my body needs.
6. Happiness and a growing respect for healthy foods. The more I eat them, the better some things taste.
7. A slight feeling of missing out from not eating the foods that I'm addicted to.
Soooo i have an option of 6 feelings. Some will go hand in hand. But my food choices will affect how I feel. Is that euphoric feeling really worth having the effects of numbers 2 and 3? On the flip side, are the wonderful feelings and emotions of numbers 4-6 enough to outweigh and overpower the negative of 7???
Sooo that is my deep thoughts for the day.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
I will freely admit. The extra weight that I've put on this winter and early summer is not helping. I used to have lots of knee issues...but they almost totally disappeared with the weight loss. Ironic that I've gained a bit of weight and the knee pain is back eh?
SOooo, last night I was thinking about this whole mess. A few months ago I put away the weight watchers stuff and switched back to counting my calories. I had started originally with calorie counting and lost my first 25 (or so) pounds via calorie counting. But then I joined weight watchers and I lost the rest of it through counting points. POints became ingrained in my head. Everything I ate was no longer simply food....it was a point. (or two or three...). I needed something to spark me to lose again so I switched back to calories. I think the break was good...but the calorie counting isn't working for me. Yeah, food has calories, but I don't look at the food in the same way that I did with points. Probably because calories are sooo subjective. Yeah, points are to..but it's easier to keep track of 20 some points versus 1500 calories! So as of this morning I dug out my weight watcher books and I'm going back to counting the weight watcher way. It's kinda weird....I was thinking about breakfast and I was like, "I think that has such and such amount of points"...but I don't know the exact. Which is good...it will make me double check everything! :-)
Friday, August 14, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Yes, it's my fault...but that doesn't stop the problem or take away the self disgust.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Didn't ride this morning...but we did go for a walk! That counts for something doesn't it????
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Productive this morning. Woke up and got all of the laundry done. (well, the last load is in the dryer and needs folded). Washed the dishes (how do they pile up so quickly...I had cleaned them all after dinner last night). I played with lil' mertz. Checked my email. AND I hopped on that darn bike and rode this morning!
Now to just get my eating under control today. We are going out to eat with friends tonight to a place I've never been...so I'm not sure how I'll do. I'll try my best though.
Monday, August 10, 2009
The knee this morning is ok. Still not quite right but not painful. So that's all that matters.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Todd and I woke up early this morning and we were determined to get out on the canal early and beat the heat. So off we headed. Ok, ok ok, by the time we actually got ourselves and the bikes loaded into the car it wasn't all that early...but you get the point. Sooo we headed to Edwards Ferry. There is no ferry there anymore, but there is parking and it just happened to be the beggining point for a section of the canal that we had never been on. Mapquest (yeah yeah yeah...my bad for using and relying on mapquest) told me it was about an hour and fifteen minutes from the house. Uhhh no. Ohhh yeah, and the directions were wrong. But no problem.....we just went on down to Rockville and hopped onto the canal at Great Falls. And thusly we decided to bike into DC....Georgetown to be exact. Right at about 29 miles total. Did I say it was stinkin' hot? Oh yeah and it was probably about 10:30 or 11 by the time we actually got on the bike. Oh yeah, and did I mention that since the original plan was to bike early we planned on lunch after the ride. Uhhh yeah...you see the problem. Well first of all, it was a delightful ride. It only felt hot when we stopped (on the way back that was frequently for pictures). We also stopped at Fletchers and I got an extra drink (gatorade) and Todd got a dr. Pepper. (thank heavens). We didn't get back to the car until what was it...2??? Maybe even 2:30 (no, we don't bike at any great speed....we cruise and lets not forget we stop for pictures!) We were hungry campers! HUNGRY! Hungry is actually not even a strong enough word. I had had toast for breakfast at 7AM. NOT enough to fuel me for a bunch of hours on a bike in 95 plus degree weather! Oh yeah, and my pesky arthritis started to kick at about mile 15 and by the time I got back to the car, I was literally in tears with the pain. As we drove out of the parking lot I was literally sobbing in pain. By the time we got to the restaurant (Bertucci's) the pain had subsided but my knee still has twitches of pain and just feels 'not quite right'.
But anyway.....it was a GREAT ride. LOVED the day!
Friday, August 07, 2009
Yes, this is my doll baby Lucy. She's having some issues as she is not really happy that we have brought a kitten into the house. BUT, Lucy hates to have her picture taken so to get a picture of her so calm and still is somewhat rare. How did we do it? Last night we had lil' mertz out in the living room and we were playing with her. Desi and Ethel of course joined in on the fun. Lucy sat and kept her eye on the imposter kitty. You can see the intenseness in her eyes can't you?
My weight.....gonna go down. I did drop a bit this morning on the scale, so I'm tickled with that.
I think for me, I'm actually living my worst fear. My biggest nightmare. That utterly terrible thing. Losing a lot of weight and then slowly gaining the weight back. Yes, I've still lost over 100 pounds....but barely. If I gain back 5 more pounds, I'll lose tha 100 pound goal status. Yes, 100 pounds is still an incredible feat. But I KNOW that I'm not at a healthy weight for me right now. I do think my 180 weight was a nice weight for me. Yeah, I could have stood to lose a bit more...but it was a good weight. But that said, I no longer weight 180 pounds and I have done what I said I would never do...and that is gain weight. Well, not specifically gain weight. I knew that I woudl gain some and lose some....just not in the amount that I have done. AND not to push myself back over that 200 line. I think that I need to get past that feeling of being an utter failure and stop worrying about my worst fears. I'm already living my worst fears and I'm still alive to talk about it.
Yes, yes yes, I know..I can turn this around and stop living my worst fear....and I'm trying!
I was reading a blog entry (sorry, I can't remember which) and the person talked about how they had been eating poorly and they were feeling sluggardly and just icky. Well hello! I have the same problem when I eat poorly. And I think about it and realize that it is my food choices and I'm like "wow, that's somewhat cool that my body is telling me that it doesn't like that junk food". But time and time again i give it the junk food. Go figure. Wonder how long it takes to learn a lesson. (in my case a long time apparently).
Interestingly enough, Todd and I have been eating a heck of a lot of produce from the garden. So mostly a vegetarian diet. Oh yeah and of course organic...no bad icky stuff added to our soil or sprayed on our plants and produce. And voila...his IBS has disappeared almost totally this week.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Well......once again I'm disgusted to say that my weight is up. I don't know what is wrong with me. I want this so badly...but i just can't seem to get control of myself. I literally will be saying, "I'm not going to eat that piece of cake" WHILE I'm picking it up and shovelling it into my mouth! Maybe I have mental issues. LOL
Turning a new leaf....gonna change and just simply 'do it'. Somehow get my mind and my actions on the same page! (are you feeling a sense of de ja vu?)
Tonight Todd and I are going grocery shopping. He has something scheduled for Saturday morning (I work...no biggie) but the rest of the weekend is free. So I want to get the groceries out of the way. :-) So last night I got everything that was possible prepared for tonight's meal (it's a vegetable stir fry type of meal that I found in this book that I have...that I love...nothing has tasted bad that i've made out of it. Anyway, this recipe uses....are you ready? zuchinin!!!!) So dinner tonight is vegetable skillet thingy, minted green beans (sounds interesting doesn't it?) applesauce and I saved two small pieces of a cake I made last night for dessert.
Yes, I baked last night. I made a low fat double chocolate zucchini cake. Zucchini muffins. Dill Yeast Bread. And of course the next steps to the pickles that I'm working on. :-) Wait wait wait....before you panic and think that my leaf will not be turned. The zucchini muffins are for Todd's breakfasts. (I don't like nuts...so if I put nuts in them I won't eat them). The double chocolate zucchini cake has been cut into servings and brought to work. I did save out two small pieces for our dessert tonight. Other than that..the cake is already out of my house. And the dill bread....I'm not a big fan of dill....but Todd loves it! Crisis averted!
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Yesterday....I ordered so carefully at lunch yesterday while I was out with my friend. I ordered a turkey sandwich and got a salad. BUT then we split a dessert. And when it came it was HUGE. 4 people could have had it and the serving size for each would have STILL been bigger than we should have had. YIKES! Todd and I did work outside some yesterday afternoon. As I was working outside I walked through the garden. I swear, on Sunday I picked that garden clean! And I pulled a ton of stuff out of there yesterday! Soooo after working outside, I ended up working inside and made a batch of tomato sauce, put the cukes into a brine of lime to make some more pickles. Breaded the zucchini and froze that (flat on a cookie sheet, I'll bag them tonight). I chopped and foze the green peppers. And the jalapeno and banana peppers I prepared and froze. Then I made dinner. Fried zucchini, plums and baked corn. YUMMY!
This morning I woke up and made us breakfast...chipped beef gravy. This is the only beef product that I still like. Go figure. And then we headed outside. We worked outside for about an hour and then I went in and cleaned the house. Joy joy. So here I am at work. A 6 hour day today. Home this evening and I need to rinse the lime cukes and put them on to soak for the next step in the cinnamon pickles (then at 9 I'll have to put them on the stove to simmer for a few hours). And I also need to rince the salt from the other cukes that have been soaking in salt water for the last week and pour boiling water over those so that they can soak in that for the next 24 hours...they will be sweet icicle pickles. I'm hoping to get some kind of exercise in between pickle steps tonight! Well, between pickle steps and between giving lovin' to lil' mertz. I feel so bad for her because she's cooped up in the master bathroom by herself!
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Somehow, someway...I have to balance everything that's going on in my life. It seems as if I run run run and get stuff done...but no where near enough of what I need/want to get done. Yeah, the canning is caught up (as of SUnday night) and the weeding in the garden is done. The laundry is halfway done, the house is relatively clean and I did work yesterday. But did I get any formal exercise in the last two days? No! I bought some antique bottles for my collection on Saturday. I haven't had the chance to even look at them until this morning...and all I did was unwrap them so that the bags were not sitting around. How does one chose what is important? I'd say that exercise should be right up there. But yet we eat the produce from our garden year round...so I'd say canning is right up there also. Work? Well, yeah...that's pretty darn important. Clean clothes? Saturday was a day for me.....mental health...I had to take a break from it all. I guess I'm balancing it all except for exercise and I just don't know how to effectively get that in. ARRGGGHHH
Monday, August 03, 2009
I haven't put my food into a planner, but I plan on doing that soon. Actually I haven't entered my food for the last few days. Just too busy!!! I will fix that here soon!
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Lunch today was egg salad sandwiches and a vegetable pasta salad that I found a recipe for. REALLY good recipe. Dinner was a Pesto pizza. YUMMY! That was a new one.....and it was really good!
Who knows what my weight is.....and tomorrow...eii yiii yiii, because I'm working on my SECOND can of diet soda (sodium)