Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Thoughts

Struggling struggling struggling....how differently can I say it? I guess most of my problem is just my self disgust that I feel over my weight gain. I know that I'm not alone. I have friends online, in person, friends that I made when I attended weight watchers that are in the same boat. They have gained and the self disgust is tearing us up. I hate myself for letting this happen. I hate the fact that my clothes no longer fit. I'm still trying to hold out and not buy clothes because I so desperately want to lose the weight. So I'm miserable in my tight clothes...clothes that actually do not fit me any longer. And it just hit me while I was typing that this self disgust is actually part of my problems right now. This animosity that I hold toward myself is holding me back in my efforts to lose weight. Somehow, I need to acccept the fact that I'm human and that i've gained weight and I need to move on. The clothes thing...well, with the economy being so iffy, I still don't want to spend the money on clothes....but maybe I will have to buy just a few more things (i've bought just a few already) to make life bearable. I could actually still wear most of my button down shirts....if I left them open as a 'jacket' and used bought some camisols for underneath. Or even partially open in some cases. hmmmmm Pants, I bought one pair which I wear twice a week. If I buy one more pair again in a neutral color, I may be able to pull it off. (friday and saturday is khaki day...and I actually still have some that fit). So there is a possibility.

Sooooo something that I'm going to institute is that I am going to begin to post, online for the world to see my food for the day and my exercise. I think this is a grand idea because if I know that others are going to be looking, I may think twice. SOOO if my food intake starts disappearing off of my posts, please call me out on it! And for those of you who preach protein...yeah, I know...I need more of it on most days)

I'll start with yesterday Septembre 22, 2009.....and it's not a very pretty first start....which is why I'm doing it.

Toast
Green Giant individual corn
Green beans
Jello pudding cup
Wasa cracker
mandarin oranges
grapes
Southwestern Chicken ...this is actually a pretty healthy dish....but I had two servings.
cornbread
pears
betty crocker mini bowl thingy-the 100 cal things
1/2 cup reduced fat peanut butter ice cream (yes, measured out)

3 comments:

Miz said...

**holds out her hand in a gesture of support**

let me know if I can help.

Vanessa Miller said...

Wanna know my clothes secret? Skirts. They are more forgiving than pants. The last few times I've hung out with my women friends I wore a skirt and received the comments that I was 'dressed up'. I admitted that my skirts were elasticized and that I was vain. It had nothing to do with 'dressing up.'

I get perturbed sometimes that I cannot just waltz into a store and have everything fit and look good. It takes hunting, patience, and trying on in size ranges.

Boopsy said...

I gained 20 lbs in the past six months. I've always detested buying clothes, especially when now I'll have to go a size up. With the economy how its, as you said, I'm really hesitant to buy new clothes. So I know how you feel!