Saturday, October 31, 2009
Meanwhile, last night as I was watching tv some thoughts went through my head. And all of a sudden I realized that losing weight was more important than eating what I want, when I want it. I have a couple reasons why this came to me...and why it became ultra important to me.....nope...not sharing. But they are there and these reasons will push me I'm sure.
Nothing profound today...just a reaffirmation that I'm on the right track.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Meanwhile, lots of stuff going through my head.....maybe I'll get it down in writing one day soon.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I do believe that I'm going to sit back and not weigh every day for a bit. I stepped onto the scales this morning and low and behold I was up. WHAT??? I've been religious about my food intake. I added exercise yesterday. There is no reason. I'm working to not let it get me stressed.....and for that reason, I'm going to attempt to only weigh once a week. Sometimes the stress of not knowing gets to me...but I think right now it would be better to not be seeing any negatives on the scales for a while.
Planning on going to the gym this afternoon....we'll see!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
That said, I'm still going forward. I'm going to take the risk.
To never try, is to fail.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Soooo, looking at it...I actually maintained pretty decently through the stress days of the broken studio equipment and the deaths and all that. But when it was all worked out and we had some time to sit back, relax and let loose after our stress I cut loose and whew. Look out. So I managed the stress time....but I just lost it when things got back to normal and the stress was alleviated! I can't win for trying!
So, I'm back at work today. I really really really struggled with getting here to work. I did not want to come. Enough that in the middle of the night I woke up and this coat of depression came over me when I remembered that I had to work. The only thing....while I'm dreading going to a meeting tonight and fessing up to my weight gain (accountability really works), I'm looking foward to getting back on track with eating. As much as I enjoyed the food, I know that my body feels better with a healthier diet. I feel better. I don't like feeling bloated and icky. But I continue to do it!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
I haven't forgotten my journey to lose weight and be healthy. I've just been sidetracked in the last weeks. We had two uncles pass away in two unrelated incidents. THe one was a car accident that put an aunt in the hospital. We had some equipment malfunction in the studio and well, some time off from work to just relax and unwind. Ohh and the time off...we celebrated a birthday and well, the eating got out of hand. I know what I need to do though and I'm actually looking foward to doing it!!!!! As much as I have enjoyed the food that I've eaten, I'm willing to give it up to feel better!!! Overeating and eating super rich foods is appealing, but after a few days...woah, it's too much. Yup, never thought I would say something like there.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Today is the last day of work before a long weekend for me!! Wooo hooo. Can't wait to have a few days off! Yeah, I don't actually do much at my job...but being bored really gets......boring. haa ha ahaa. No seriously, being bored and doing nothing really gets old! What's planned for the weekend? Not sure, the weather will be holding us back somewhat. We had originally wanted to hike up in Catoctin on day. We also talked about hiking Maryland Heights. But the weather is to be really crappy half of the time. BOO HOOOO
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Do I? I'll be honest, the thought of giving up those foods I love really makes me sad. But on the flip side, being overweight really makes me sad also. More sad than giving up the food. So, I'm going to press on. Work on managing so that I don't have to totally give up the foods I love and monitoring my intake of those foods.
Monday, October 19, 2009
This last week I actually ate withing my points and I felt that I did reasonably good. I didn't overeat, however I will admit to having eaten more carbs then I probably should have. But still, I managed portions and I ate correctly. SOOOOOO my weight this morning.....up a pound. What's up with that????? I'm disgusted with the result...but I'm actually ok with my week. I don't feel like my week was a waste. I feel good about the week that I had eating wise. I didn't succumb to emotional eating and just gorge myself on food. That is a huge first step.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
I'm not downplaying any other addiction, because I would NEVER want to have to deal with the addiction to alcohol or any of the various drugs out there. But I can't help but feel that in terms of beating an addiction that food has to top the list. Why? Becuase if you are an alcoholic, for the most part you can remove yourself from temptation. The same with drugs. (generally speaking for those two addictions). But how in the world do you remove yourself from food. I need food to sustain my life. I am constantly forced to confront this addiction. It's a matter of survival...I need to eat to live. Yet how ironic that my habits of eating (the addiction that I suffer with)were causing me to die. I can't get away from eating. I need to do it. Which means that every day I will have to confront my personal demon of food addiction. It just doesn't seem fair.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Stats for October7, 2009
water- 60 ounce
3 slices turkey bacon
100 cal pack
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
I was able to keep my eating somewhat under control last night. My Pasta Bean Stew was very flavorful last night. :-) I did have a few spare points so I had some popcorn while watching the biggest loser.
Soooo my revelations from the show. I loved what Julio said about how he felt that he was good at food. I've had a few situations in my life (teaching) that have left me feeling like a failure. I can totally understand where he was coming from. In fact in some ways he was speaking about me.
I also reread the sign on the gym wall about failure...the only failure is not even trying. Is that what I'm doing now? Not really trying. Is not giving it my 100% not trying? Probably. And that made my mind flash back to a show a few years ago when some contestants gave up and didn't even finish a physical challenge. Bob was dumbfounded and kept saying things like, "why did you even begin if you didn't intend to finish?" And last night it clicked. I started this journey. To give up is just plain stupid and THAT is what would make me a failure. Gaining weight did not make me a failure. I wouldn't be considered a failure if I NEVER make my weight goal. I'm only a failure if I don't try! If I don't keep pushing onward in an attempt.
Stats for October 6, 2009
water- 50 ounces
pasta & Bean stew
1/2 cup fat free frozen ice cream
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
GIMMEE!!! Will chocolate make the world a better place for me????? Probably not. Especially after I learned my lesson about using food as an 'upper' last night. But I will admit that I did have a 1/2 cup ice cream cup and I did add the chocolate from the bottle that you see in the picture (no, not the whole bottle). And I consider that a REAL coup! I'm wanting more food....comfort!!!
As if yesterday wasn't bad enough....today...on top of the issues from yesterday that are still there today, we got the call from that my husband's uncle was found dead in in his apartment. This is the last living relative from my husbands immediate family....he's lost everyone in the last 3 years. So just one more thing to add to the mix of emotions broiling around in this house.
I will not eat over my points....I will not eat over my points. I will control my eating. That is the only thing I can have complete control over. I will control my eating...that is the only thing that I can conquer! Cookies bad.....fruit good!
I do have to say, the other weekend when I was so determined to not let my emotions rule my eating. And I was determined to control my eating.....to control ONE part of my life. I controlled it and it really did give me a sense of empowerment. Even if it was only over that one small part of my life. Last night I caved....I had no control. I will admit.....I felt great for about 5 minutes (if that). That 5 minutes was coincidentally the 5 (if that) minutes that I was eating the cookies. But after that, my emotions just came back....and in a bigger way because I was then upset about eating.
Sooo my weight this morning 213.8. ARRGGHHHH
Stats for October 5, 2009
2 low fat homemade pecan sticky buns
Spinach Stuffed Shells
2 slices garlic toast
4 (or maybe 5) cinnamon cookies
Monday, October 05, 2009
Why was yesterday all screwed up. We worked and did a few yard thinsg in the morning. We had lunch. I planned a big lunch as I knew we would be working and may not get to dinner until closer to 8PM. Why? We were running sound at Evensong Farm all afternoon and early evening. Julie (owner of Evensong) had soup for us for a mid afternoon snack. And when we got home at 8 or so....I was just plain hungry. (lugging around sound equipment works up an appetite!)
This morning I started off by making caramel sticky buns. Ha! Found a recipe where I can have one for 4 points. And it was GOOD! I've got my fruit and veggies for lunch...and I've got a low points dinner planned. SO we'll see how it goes!
Stats for Sunday October 4, 2009
I'm actually not proud to write this...
pizza burger (using turkey...and on an arnolds sandwich thin bun thingy)
cup of split pea soup
individual bag of pretzels
ice cream (2 scoops...two large scoops)
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Stats for October 2, 2009
No formal exercise
Water: less than 20 ounces
homemade egg sandwich
two slices pizza
1 serving wheat pretzels
1/4 cup baked beans
1/4 cup potato salad
Burning Bridge Sub (Gandolfo's)
Cinnamon cookies....3 Yeah, I shouldn't have had these
So yes, you can see where I didn't drink. I was sorely lacking in fruits and veggies. And itw as a bit (just slightly...haa haa haa) carb laden!
Friday, October 02, 2009
Stats for Octover 1
Gym-50 minutes cardio
jello pudding cup
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Yesterday I got home from work at noon and made lunch. We had Zucchini and Corn casserole. I know a few weeks ago I said that the garden was done. I meant that I was done with the canning. We have been pulling out some fresh things here and there. Yesterday may have been the last of the zucchini (time will tell). So we had that for lunch....VERY low cal/points! While I was making the zucchini dish, I took the time and threw together a casserole for dinner tonight. Pizza Casserole is on the menu for tonight. Yup, it's a casserole week. But it's perfect for nights like tonight when I get home at 6:10 and Todd has to leave at 6:45. This way we can still have a nice dinner!
After making and eating lunch, we headed up to town. I got a nice cardio workout in AND a great strength training workout in! I also mowed at my parents house for a while until Todd took over. We did a few other things in town and then went to dinner. We went to Durangos...a Spanish restaurant in downtown Hagerstown. I ordered Pollo Asado. (chicken, steamed veggies, fried onions, and a bit of rice). Todd and I split a papusa and we did ok UNTIL I remember that we also ate not one...but TWO baskets of chips and dip. Todd ordered off the tex-mex menu last night and as he ordered something beef, I wasn't tempted. (thank goodness for small miracles).
I didn't feel sick after my eating, I did however feel bloated!
Stats for September 30, 2009
zucchini and corn casserole
weight watcher candy
chips and salsa
All fruit frozen bar
Gym visit.....30 minutes cardio 30 minutes weights AND 20 minutes mowing.