Friday, August 07, 2009

lucy


lucy, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Yes, this is my doll baby Lucy. She's having some issues as she is not really happy that we have brought a kitten into the house. BUT, Lucy hates to have her picture taken so to get a picture of her so calm and still is somewhat rare. How did we do it? Last night we had lil' mertz out in the living room and we were playing with her. Desi and Ethel of course joined in on the fun. Lucy sat and kept her eye on the imposter kitty. You can see the intenseness in her eyes can't you?

My weight.....gonna go down. I did drop a bit this morning on the scale, so I'm tickled with that.

I think for me, I'm actually living my worst fear. My biggest nightmare. That utterly terrible thing. Losing a lot of weight and then slowly gaining the weight back. Yes, I've still lost over 100 pounds....but barely. If I gain back 5 more pounds, I'll lose tha 100 pound goal status. Yes, 100 pounds is still an incredible feat. But I KNOW that I'm not at a healthy weight for me right now. I do think my 180 weight was a nice weight for me. Yeah, I could have stood to lose a bit more...but it was a good weight. But that said, I no longer weight 180 pounds and I have done what I said I would never do...and that is gain weight. Well, not specifically gain weight. I knew that I woudl gain some and lose some....just not in the amount that I have done. AND not to push myself back over that 200 line. I think that I need to get past that feeling of being an utter failure and stop worrying about my worst fears. I'm already living my worst fears and I'm still alive to talk about it.

Yes, yes yes, I know..I can turn this around and stop living my worst fear....and I'm trying!

I was reading a blog entry (sorry, I can't remember which) and the person talked about how they had been eating poorly and they were feeling sluggardly and just icky. Well hello! I have the same problem when I eat poorly. And I think about it and realize that it is my food choices and I'm like "wow, that's somewhat cool that my body is telling me that it doesn't like that junk food". But time and time again i give it the junk food. Go figure. Wonder how long it takes to learn a lesson. (in my case a long time apparently).

Interestingly enough, Todd and I have been eating a heck of a lot of produce from the garden. So mostly a vegetarian diet. Oh yeah and of course organic...no bad icky stuff added to our soil or sprayed on our plants and produce. And voila...his IBS has disappeared almost totally this week.