Thursday, April 29, 2010
Eating yesterday....well, we went to Hard Times Cafe. We had 10.40 cents off of a purchase of $25. I ordered the Alamo Chicken pasta thingy and a side salad. I ate a half piece of cornbread. They gave free wings with any purchase...so I had 6 wings. I ate the wings as they came first, then the salad. The entree came and I nibbled.....I ate maybe half of it....and then I boxed it up. That is soooo rare for me! I will usually eat until I'm literally sick to my stomach. But not yesterday. And it felt good! It also saved money too...because we only spent $17 on the food...and it was two meals! (Todd had leftovers also!) I did eat my leftovers last night....so I was able to enjoy it a second time also! But seriously, only eating half....literally stopping in the middle of the dish and boxing up the rest...that is HUGE HUGE HUGE for me!
Sooo today I'm back at work for an 8 hour day. I've already been to the gym this morning.....so I'm on track! My eating is also under control. All is right with my world.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Here is my full Synopsis of Zumba.
I got to the building early and stood out on the porch while the earlier class finshed. They were doing their cool down. My first impression was positive as I watched the cool down....it was thourough. That class ended and I went in and talked to the leader. I told her that I have some problems with arthritis in my knees and of course signed my waiver and paid my fee. She talked some about some of the certifications that we would soon be receiving. Zumba sticks????? (apparently it's sticks that you hold and 'shake' while you do your zumba......to work out the upper body more during the class....she stated that she was going to invest in the sticks and if we liked them, we could invest....so who knows) And turbo something or other. (to incorporate more turbo steps into her Zumba classes). So I picked a spot near the back as 'my spot'. And thus it began. What I know to be the warm up song (even though of course she didn't label it as thus) had the sweat glands primed and ready. And it went from there. It was a good workout. Sweat! Breathing deeply! Good stuff!
I liked that it incorporated so much...full body. Kicks, squats, punches, jumps, etc etc etc all within the movements of the'dance'.
Will I go back. I will talk to my husband to make sure that he is ok with me not being around every Tuesday evening...but since I'm sure he won't care...I would have to say YES.
How do I feel this morning? I'm not so much sore.......but my body just feels heavy and tired. :-)
Have I been converted to a Zumba queen? Well, zumba queen....maybe not that far. But if given the opportunity to go to a class today...I would again. Will I be excited to go next week...yes. SO it that's a zumba convert (zumba queen) then I guess I'm there. :-)
My only problem.....yesterday morning while I was at the gym I had some pain in my right ankle. I kept moving and when I got home wore a brace for a while.......took it off for a while and then wore it on my ankle during Zumba. My ankle was SORE SORE SORE during Zumba. By the end of the class I was still doing the hops (on movements that incorporated a hop or bounce) on my left foot, but had to modify the right foot. Being off the ankle all night seems to have helped. :-)
I told Todd yesterday that no matter what I felt like....I WAS going to do something active today. A bike ride, a trip to the gym, a walk....SOMETHING! So I hope he cooperates with me.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
This morning I went to the gym again and attacked that darn treadmill. Same cycle 2-3. I got to talking to my mom though and lost track of time on my second to last jog and ended up not jogging it. Did I let that deter me? NO. I figured it out when I had 7 minutes left.....I simply picked up the pace and jogged for 6 minutes straight. SIX MINUTES STRAIGHT! WOOOO doggie. Admittedly, I had to step off and catch my breath at the end of the six minutes but I did it!
Been thinking a lot lately....is it possible to lose weight without exercise.....Yes, I think it is. I think it's just so much slower and I think the exercsie really does make us lose it more proportionatly (keeps us looking human and not some weird shaped person....huge butt but narrow shoulders....or whatever)
Yesterday evening after my treadmill time, I moved up to the bikes and rode. A sadness overtook me. I became sad with myself. I sit back and say how frustrated I am because I'm not losing weight at the rate that I wish to lose. I get depressed when I have setbacks and gain some weight. But that wasn't why I was sad. I was sad because last night I just sat there and realized that I've done it to myself. ME MYSELF AND I have caused me to not lose weight at a good pace. MY MYSELF AND I have caused me to show gains on various weeks. It is MY actions that have caused it. Yes, I showed a gain last week...and I can blame it on my not being able to exercise...but ultimately, I ate the food that caused the gain. (I had my plan to negate that food and it fell through, yes...but ULTIMATELY I ATE THE FOOD). I can use every excuse in the book, and they may be valid ones....But, excuses or not, no one is forcing me to shovel food into my mouth. If I keep my eating under control, I would still be halfway there....still losing, if only slowly.
Monday, April 26, 2010
So you may be wondering how I did this past weekend. Not overly bad. I didn't go hog wild on my points. I didn't eat so much that I'm in the hole. I actually did utilize about 20 weekly points. What did I eat? Saturday: A breakfast egg sandwich and some hash brown potatoes, lunch was a side salad and a turkey sandwich. Dinner was southwestern chicken and one piece of cornbread with applesauce for dessert. So nothing really 'bad'. Yes, lacking in the fruits and veggies department. Sunday: Breakfast was toast (light bread, light butter and a smidge of pumpkin butter) Lunch was turkey sloppy joes and a small serving of homemade potato salad and grapes. Dinner was a turkey cheese sandwich (flatbread) and yikes....potato chips. Oh yes, I did have one....ONE....golden oreo cookie on Sunday.
So not toooo bad (we ate out too much)...but enough to fly through my points and cause my weight to jump today. Darn carbs.....I was heavy on the sandwiches....bread!!!
It's amazing how quickly those points add up! Tooo dang quickly if you ask me. :-)
Ok, no crying over lost points........back on track today.
Breakfast: raspberry, banana smoothie (4 points)
Lunch: Corn, green beans, strawberries, banana (5 points)
Dinner: Pb&J, banana, grapes (8 points)
Snack in the evening: TBD (but I'll have points left for popcorn or something after my workout)
Why is my diner so lunch boxish? Because that is exactly what it is. I packed my lunch and dinner and brought both to work. I also packed my workout clothes. Even though my house is right on the way to the gym...I will not stop, because if I do I will end up skipping the gym!!!!
Hold me to it.......GYM GYM GYM!
Friday, April 23, 2010
1. Desire- There has to be a deep rooted desire. This is not an easy road. It is a long arduous journey that needs to withstand pressure and pitfalls along with the sucesses. This desire must carry you through.
2. Realization- One needs to recognize and realize what habits (food and exercise) are poor choices and what are good choices. For example, realizing that drinking water may be a better choice than soda pop.
3. Will power- After recognizing the choices that we are about to make as good or bad we need to pull out every ounce of strength that we have. For me it's strength to resist the voices in my head. I have the fat mini me screaming in my ear. Rationalizing why I should eat it. "eat that piece of cake....it's your mom's birthday....celebrate." Or, "You've already blown your points allowance for today.....go ahead...live big." or for me this past week, "Your laying on the couch recovering.......snack while you do so". The fat mini me has lots of good arguments. Will power is resisting those arguments and saying, "NO...I'm chosing health!" That's a lot easier said than done!
4. Motivation- Desire is a good motivator. But it falls short. Motivation is actually putting thoughts and mental pictures to the reasons for your desire to lose weight. For me, it's a vintage dress that hangs on my wall It's a mental picture of myself at a thinner weight. It's memories of how good I felt physically and emotionally when i was at my goal weight. I have to keep those thoughts in the forefront of my mind! It's that drive that pushes you out of your comfort zone to exercise. Exercise doesn't come naturally for most of us, it is motivation to succeed at my goals that makes me want to exercise!
4. You have to feel as if you are worth it! If you feel unworthy, you are NOT going to make the effort. And it is an effort. It's well worth it, but it's still an effort. IF you have to repeat it over and over to yourself...do so. Say it, "I AM WORTH IT!" Say that over and over again! Sooner or later you will start to believe it!
5. BELIEVE in yourself. Self doubt is only going to sabatage your weight loss efforts! BELIEVE!!!
I have to get BACK to the middle picture...but that was a success I have...now it's motivation...becasue as you see, the all go hand in hand. Without desire, you have no motivation. Without realization you can have no will power. With no will power, you can have no success. Or I should say you will only have limited success.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Stress is mounting again.....I just want to scream, WHY ME??? It's stuff I have no control over....I'm just on a roller coaster waiting to figure out when it's going to stop and where I can get off. I'm trying to get my eating and exercise under control and honestly stress does NOT help!
Focus on what I can control.....focus on what I can control....focus on what I can control!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I'm just facing the music that my weigh in will probably be not all that great!
Drama at my work also....which is sooo not going to help in my weight loss attempts! ARRGGHHH
Monday, April 19, 2010
Soooo, food for today. Breakfast....a fruit smoothie. Lunch, is my normal fruit and vegetable meal.....that leaves dinner and I may actually make another smoothie. Honestly, after eating those higher fatty foods all weekend, my body IS literally craving the fruits and veggies.
The step challenge....my pedometer steps for last week:
April 12: 8666
April 13: 5039
April 14: 10582
April 15: 2109
April 16: 5406
The average steps 6360.40
I don't know what's wrong with me. I am exhausted. I am totally void of energy (could it be my food.....duh) I feel like crying. Just some kind of emotional glitch I guesss.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Years ago, I lived in Lancaster County Pennyslvania. I picked up some loves. Shoo Fly pie was one. Visits to farmers markets was another. Wilburs chocolate.....oh yes. Those things just scream my childhood. (although Wilburs stopped carrying lemon drops in their store and that makes me sad). Today Todd and drove to Lancaster County and hit up some places so that I could indulge in m childhood memories. We hit up Wilburs and I bought a small piece or two of chocolate. We hit up The Green Dragon. I did not do what I used to do...which would be to by a full shoo fly pie. I just made sure that we went to a place for dinner that had a decent wet bottom shoo fly pie. And yes....I indulged. Stop curling your lips....shoo fly pie is super yummy.....how I describe it to people...it's kinda like a pecan pie...~~a little sweeter~~ but this has no pecans! Yes, that picture is the actual piece of pie that I ate. I was in full out orgasmic pleasure while eating it too!
I tracked EACH and every bite that I ate today. (ooohhh wait...I have to go on and put my chocolate covered pretzels! I forgot those). I've drank a fair amount of water. I've done as well as possible.
The victory came at dinner. We were at a buffet (The Family Cupboard for those of you that know the Lancaster area). I started with a plate of veggies. The only thing non-veggie on the plate was about 3 teaspoons of mac-n-cheese and about 3 teaspoons of stuffing/dressing. I LOVED everything on that plate. The second plate I went back and got some mashed potatoes with chicken gravy......a piece of ham with some pineapple sauce.....some macaroni salad and a whole wheat dinner roll. I took a bite of the mashed potatoes.......I thought about it and decided to not eat them. Mine taste better (these were instant...why should I waste my points on instant, when I don't even serve those at my house...it's real or nothing). Pushed those aside. I do have to say that I ate the mac salad. I took one bite of the ham. I haven't had ham in ages. I eat pork very rarely, only a hair more than I eat beef. That bite was NASTY! EWWW. Instead of forcing myself to eat it for the sake of eating, that piece of ham was pushed over by the mashed potatoes. No problem...I'll eat my roll. I buttered it up.. But it just didn't hit the spot...so I ate 1/4 of it and that went on top of the potatoes and the plate was pushed away. I didn't eat stuff I didn't like nor want very much! Yes, it was a waste of food...but better to waste food versus shovel it into my body mindlessly.
We got to our hotel. I did 40 minutes of swimming. I didn't go to thefitness center...but instead same in the pool...my legs and arms moving the whole time!!!!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Am I ready? Do I have a game plan made for our weekend away to Lancaster County (and beyond)...to the land of good food...shoo-fly pie and other delicious delicacies? Yes, I have a plan. I want to ride the exercise bike in the AM before leaving for home. Our hotel has a fitness center and an indoor pool. I want to utlize at least one of those Friday evening...and again on Saturday morning. Sunday of course I'll be riding. :-) Eating.....just make wise choices...that's my plan. (and then kill it at the gym upon my return).
Am I ready and packed? Pretty much...I have a few more things to throw together tonight. I have to finish putting stuff in the car and then of course the last minute things tomorrow morning.
Am I ready to exercise today? Heck no. My knees are bothering me. My legs feel super heavy. I just feel run down. I have thusly decided to take today of of exercise. I'm due a day off, so it's no biggie. I actually haven't had a full day off in a while. I didn't formally exercise yesterday but I used the push mower and then hauled brush....quite a workout actually! My body is screaming for a break...I need to give it one.
Am I ready to weigh in tonight? Actually yes. Even though it's 2 days earlier than my normal weigh in day. I'm ready. I'm not going to jump up and down and shout it from the mountaintop, but I will say that according to my home scales I should be happy with my results tonight. I made myself a smoothie for breakfast and ate fruit and veggies for lunch. I'm good to go.
Am I ready to continue losing weight? Absolutely! I was looking back at an old picture the other day. It was of me when I had reached my goal weight (which was 180 pounds........still 15 pounds over where the BMI tells me to be...but it's where my Doctor recommended) and I was maintaining that weight. I didn't see how I looked at that time. But I looked at that picture and I saw it. Yeah, I still had my problem areas....but heavens looking at that picture, I could see exactly how much weight I had lost and sadly how much weight I have regained!
Are you ready?????
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Sooooo last night on The Biggest Loser (yes, I watch....I don'tagree with how FAST they lose it...but they are doing the work to lose it....and that is inspirational) So anyway, last night micheal was on the treadmill and he finished that first mile. He was soooooo tickled with himself. You could see the pride and joy on his face. I was cheering for him as he was telling Bob....all full of pride. I have to admit...his face when Bob said "make it two" was priceless. He was literally floored and that sense of happiness was replaced by shock.....I smiled. But he got back on that treadmill....and started jogging. The next time we saw Micheal, he had that look of pure joy again when he announced to Bob that he had not only down 2 miles....he was at 2.5 miles. Once again, that joy was turned to incredulous disbelief as Bob said, "make it a 5K (3.1 miles). Micheal got back on that treadmill and did it. Is that the end of the story? Heck no.......When that 5k was completed Bob turned around and wiped that pure joy off his face one more time by demanding.....Make it 5 miles. And Micheal DID IT! He ran 5 miles at Just shy of 400 pounds (at least I think that's where he's at right now). You could literally see the pride and sense of accomplishment oozing from him! At the weigh in (or somewhere toward the end of the episode) Micheal said that he had run 5 miles EVERY day since that occurance.
So it got me to thinking. How much can we do that we have no clue we can accomplish? No, I don't think I could run 5 miles at this point. But You know what.......2 weeks ago I could barely run 2 minutes without fear of collapse, and look at me...I can run 5 minutes straight.....and I aim to push that longer on my next visit to the gym. What else am I afraid to do because I have let self doubt rule? I don't have a BOB in my life to push me on. (my mom was with me and she is a great motivational partner...but she freaks out when she sees my face get red and she sees me breathing deeply.....she doesn't want to see me in pain and pushing myself does bring pain...TEMPORARY pain....however in the long run it removes pain...it removes the pain of being fat). So without Bob in my life to push me to places I didn't kow I was capable, I've got to push myself and rely on my frinds to throw out challenges to me when they see fit. To help push me from my comfort zone!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
What a gorgeous day for a walk!!!! No, I didn't walk at the park today. I actually took this picture yesterday....but the park is a great place to walk! I walked back in the woods behind my house. We were actually on a mushroom hunt. Sadly we didn't find any....well, not edible ones at any rate.
I strapped on my pedometer this morning and I'm counting my steps. I'm thinking that I'll get a TON of steps in the next two weeks as I'm getting ready to walk in a March for the babies walk (March of Dimes). That walk will take place on April 24th. If it was a bit further out, I would probably raise money for this walk, but two weeks is not much time....so I"ll just donate myself and maybe later this year I'll raise money for another cause.
We are a week out from GWG. WHEW....I'm going to be a busy girl the next few weeks!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
YUMMY. This is my new favorite thing....smoothies. I usually don't like smoothies....basically because of the heavy use of milk. However, I am not using much milk in my smoothies... Really tasty. I literally throw some berries in there (frozen from last year) a banana some agave nectar and a splash of milk. SUper tasty!
I woke up early and rode the exercise bike.....I knew that if I didn't do it early that there was a VERY good chance that I would get to it at all. So I just woke up and did it. Happy that I did too.
Getting ready to wear my pedometer starting tomorrow for a challenge that I want to participate in.. I'm also fixing to walk a lot in preparation for the weight watchers walking challenge AND I just had a friend send an email out asking for someone to be accountable with to wear a pedometer every day and to post our results. Hello...this MUST be a sign that I need to walk more. haa haa haa
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Friday, April 09, 2010
That's all I have to say this morning...I'm reeling from my weigh in. Even though it was what I expected all along...I'm still reeling.
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Yesterday I got up early and exercised, but I also threw my bike clothes in my duffel bag and threw the bike on top of the car before heading to work. All day long those internal voices argued quite loudly in my head. They said things like, "ohhh MaryFran, you've already exercised today, why go tonight", and "You hate to ride by yourself", and "why bother". I argued back with them all day with the arguments such as "I'm tired of being fat", "I have a bike ride coming up" and then simply "SHUT UP" Sooooo I'm happy to announce that when I got off work I pulled the bike off the top of the car and jumped on my bike (I hate hate hate riding on the road I live on...the 2.5 miles in and out are hideous.....and NARROW, so it's rather unsafe). I rode for an hour. I haven't been out much on the road on my bike this year thus far. I think tortoises were going faster than me up some of those hills. But I perservered. My feet did not touch the ground once during the ride (well, except for when two rednecks in their trucks stopped to talk and blocked the road making me have to stop behind them and wait for their toothless conversation to end. I used the time to hook myself up with a nice long drink of water.)
All in all it was so exhilerating to be out on the road, the wind in my face, the sun warming my skin, good music playing on my ipod and the smell of a freshly fertilized fields filling up my lungs with that fresh country smell. (that smell for you city folk would be manure.....good old fashioned SHIT). If only I could remember how good it feels to be exercising and how good I feel AFTER I exercise.....it's absolutely wonderful. So why do I bulk about doing it???? I dread starting! All day I warred within myself about going. Why?
Furthermore.....I exercised for 2 hours yesterday! You would think I would be devoid of energy. NO, not even remotely. I got home last night and cleaned the kitchen....down on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor clean! So my belief that exercise brings more energy holds true!
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
But I'm here! Today someone in a group that I am part of asked for quotes or things that we think and keep in our heads to help us in our every day world....here are some that I came up with.
1. The old Army (I think it was army) jingle. "Be all that you can be" So perfect because so many times we DON'T live up to our potential!!!!
2. The nike slogan recently has hit me. "JUST DO IT" We sit back and let our worries and our self doubts hold us back. Why? What is the worst that is going to happen???? Just do it. No holds barred!
3. The only failure is not trying and/or giving up
4. weight loss related:
a. No food tastes as good as thin feels.
b. No exercise hurts more than fat does.
5. LIVE BIG! I got this one from my brother when my grandmother passed away a few years back. He said "she lived big" And it was true. My grandmother did what made her happy. She did stuff for a laugh and to make herself and others around her happy. She was generous to a fault but she lived big. She didn't do things in halves...she did them the whole way! She lived her life like everyday could be her last!
Monday, April 05, 2010
I receive the little blurb from The Biggest Loser. For the most part it's an advertisement to join their club (Nope, not going to do that....I'm a weight watchers girl) and a reminder/recap of the weeks episode. But they also throw in some little tidbits. In the most recent email they challenged everyone to list the Top 5 things....I thought it would be fun!
Top 5 victories you've experienced up to now in your journey.
1. Dropping below 200 pounds
2. Hitting my goal weight (which admittedly is the top end of the doctors goal for me)
3. Making lifetime at weight watchers.
4. Having the perseverance to not give up even as I watched myself slip backwards
5. No longer being obese.
Top 5 goals you want to accomplish this year.
Ok, I'm cheating a bit.....because some of the answers in the first one are also part of the second...I've slipped and lost those things and I want them back DESPERATELY!
1. Get below 200 pounds
2. Be no longer considered obese. (for my height that is 196.5 pounds)
3. Return to the doctor approved goal of 180 pounds...which will also put me back at non- paying status at weight watchers!
4. I want to run. I've tried it before and my knees sometimes don't appreciate it. But I
want to run! So I'll baby my knees and see what happens. (I can for 10 out of my 30 minute
workout at the gym this morning and I feel as if I REALLY worked out!)
5. Fit in my clothes again.....to not constantly be scrambling for something to wear...while
looking at a closet full of clothes that are too small! (ha, wouldn't it be a hoot if I
lose weight and get smaller than those clothes and still be scrambling.....having to buy!)
Top 5 strategies you use to help make healthy choices consistently.
1. My mantra......No food tastes as good as thin feels
2. My exercise mantra......No exercise hurts worse than fat feels.
3. Surround myself with support in my efforts. Through my blog, friends, family, whatever!
4. Focus on treating myself in healthy ways, which will help eliminate the desire to indulge
in the unhealthy things (like banana splits......blizzards....etc etc etc) I can do this by
making healthy substitutions at home and by creating my own healthy treats.
5. Put me first!!!!!!!!!! Yes, still take care of my responsibilities...but put myself much
much higher on that list of priorities!
Top 5 skills or physical attributes that you're proud of.
1. Perseverance. I'm proud that I persevere....to the point of stubbornness sometimes.
2. My legs....my calf muscles are strong.....
3. My humor....I like my sense of humor. Yes, it's a bit warped, but I like it...
4. A skill...my cooking skills. I am proud/happy with my skills. It comes in handy
for this journey too! :-)
5. My craftiness. No...not crafty as in 'shady' or shifty...in a bad way. But the way skill
that I have to be able to dabble with almost any craft and while I may not be a mater at it,
I do fairly well at what I set my mind to!
Top 5 places you want to go — and what you are looking forward to doing when you go there.
1. Disney World- I haven't been there since we moved North from Florida. I would like to
go again. What am I looking forward to doing? For me it's more memory land...nolstalgic.
2. Germany- I don't know what I look forward to doing. I have just always been very
intrigued and have always wanted to go.
3. Caribbean- I look forward to wearing a bathing suit and LOOKING GOOD!
4. Visits with my brother....I want to go again. (northern Indiana) I look forward to being
with the family that I love so desperately, but don't get to see all that often.
5. Simply to get in the car and drive.....stop when I want to stop, stay where I want to stay
and just see the country.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Let me tell you....my body SCREAMED at me for the food that I ate last night too. It was a lot of high fat choices....and shortly after dinner my belly was letting me know that it did NOT like my choices!
SO I thought....no problem. I can handle this. I can eat really straight and finish my week with 1.5 left of those weekly points. I worried a bit about Tuesday as it is our anniversary and we are going to a fav locally owned restaurant...but I thought, "I can do this". So let me recap my day. I woke up and ate a nice light breakfast (a light english muffin with promise free butter....1 point total). We decided to skip church (we are heathens I know...and on Easter SUnday....but we ARE making headway in actually finding a church that we can both be happy attending.......lots of church visits happening) and instead we threw the bikes on top of the car and ran down to Charlestown and went to the Home Depot and then hopped on the canal across from Harpers Ferry and rode our bikes. The only problem....when we left Home Depot it was lunch time...so we ended up going into Panera Bread. I thought I chose wisely.....1/2 Sierra Turkey Sandwich and a half classic salad with an apple as my side. I drank water (out of my ever present water jug). Turns out lunch was 14 points (I was full and didn't eat the apple). So anyway, we were fueled and ready to ride. We had a delightful ride on our bikes. Just an hour.....netted me some activity points. We came back and I got ready to head out to the yard. I was hungry...I grabbed a serving of fat free chips....and then because I was still wanting more chips..I switched to a more nutritious granola style bar. (can we say a total of 4 more points). Out we went. More yard work...I finished moving the hellacious pile of top soil that we found hidden under brush that we just cleared out (actually it looks like it was 4 loads of top soil), I mowed, I rakes up the clippings. I cleared brush. I moved logs. I worked my tail end off. (thank goodness for activity points.) FInally I came inside and made some potato salad for dinner....and fiddled around in the kitchen and put the laundry away (I ran through three loads of laundry today and lined dried them all). Daily points for today...including dinner.....37! Arrgghh I only get 28 a day. At least that is my DAY total and not one meal (heck, last nights meal was more than my whole day today!) I'm workign on my Activity points now.
Soooooo I"m working hard and I'm trying to tell myself not to freak out about actually eating more food.....but I can't help but panic about what I'm eating!!!!!
Saturday, April 03, 2010
So I'm going to take the YAY and just be happy with my loss!
Resisting the bake sale again while I'm here at work!
Friday, April 02, 2010
There is no food that tastes as good as thin feels.
So why am I talking about this. No, I don't want a pat on the back (although I am proud of myself). Tyler, a co-worker offered to buy me something when he headed out. "just a cupcake or something." I resisted. Then he came in and he wanted to offer me some of his white chocolate covered pretzel stuff (Bark). I refused. Then it was peanut butter fudge. He kept hounding me to eat some. "JUST a tiny little piece" I kept refusing. He kept pushing telling me that just one tiny little piece wouldn't hurt me. Finally I was fed up and said, "TYLER, I'm addicted to food....I can't just have one little bite.....I know me, I would be inclined to run out to that table, buy more and eat more!" (as a side note I would be looking for that 'high' that rush that I get from tasting something so scrumptious....intrinsically I know that the first bite high is just that...only a first bite....but my addicted mind doesn't accept that knowledge as fact). My co-worker had a look on his face. He had no clue what I was talking about and started making comments about "It's just food.....food is everywhere." I looked at him and said "exactly...I face my addiction over and over and over every day."
I went on and asked him a question. I said, "Tyler, if I told you I was addicted to cigarettes or drugs, or alcohol would you be sitting here trying to push those vices upon me? That is what you are doing with food" He tried to tell me it was a totally different situation.....I answered and said, "yes, it is different, if I were addicted to one of those other things I could remove myself from temptations, remove the vice from my life so to speak. But with food I HAVE to continue to eat, but I have to do so in a way that my addiction doesn't flare out of control. He never said he understood, but I noticed he didn't try to push anymore.
Food addiction is not something that people understand. People don't understand that it's something that has to be guarded against. It's an addiction....no a disease.....that is mis-understood! The sad part about it...until the people around us REALLY accept that it's an addiction and truly understand it, they do not have the tools to help us overcome. They think they are being nice by offering food.........
Thursday, April 01, 2010
My eating has been on target this week. My weight was a bit up this morning...not sure why but I have my suspicions (it seems as if when I drink a diet soda in the evening that my weight pops up the next morning...I know that there is sodium in diet soda....so I'm thinking that's the culprit). But no worries...I'm still trucking along. I woke up early this morning and made an egg and cheese sandwich and then I went for a nice walk on the canal. I brought my shoes to walk on my lunch break and weeee my plan is to get home tonight and ride the exercise bike for at LEAST an hour. I also plan on doing a new video that I picked up....strength training stuff. We'll have to see how that goes. My original plan was to head to the gym tonight...but I realized that I have no clean jeans....and tomorrow is jeans day here at work...Oh yeah, I'm washing them tonight!!! So laundry tonight. Not a big deal....I can exercise at home!
The fear of being thin. I've been thinking a lot about this fear a lot lately. I lost a lot of my weight on the motivation that when I was thin, things would miraculously be rosy. Yeah, I also wanted to do it for my health. But a lot was to fix the woes in my life. So when I got to my goal weight and the problems were still there, I became disillusioned. Sadly this caused me to stop caring....and I regained weight. Now i'm not saying that this is all of it....I've tried to lose the weight in the ensuing months...but overall, I wasn't really into it because I didn't want to face the truth. And that truth? That the bad things that happen in my life are not all directly related to my obesity. I've been taking steps to look at the negatives in my life and to really work on the issues at hand versus losing weight as an solution. It has caused a lot of stress, but in doing it I'm slowly coming out ahead and I think I'm finally looking at weight loss in a healthy (sorry for the pun) light. I want to lose weight first and foremost for my health (that has always been a given...and it hasn't changed). But i want to lose weight because I remember how wonderful I felt in my own skin. I liked how my energy level was just super high. I liked the self confidence that I felt. I'm losing weight to return to those feelings! ALL for me!!! No-one else.