Wednesday, April 27, 2011

highs and lows

This journey has been one of incredible highs but some pretty low lows.  I've felt totally on top of the word. On top of life  In control and just good.  But then when things go downhill, it goes LOW.    The problem is...when the lows come it is so easy to feel defeated by everything.  It's so easy to let the lows influence how we feel and how we act and sadly enough that perpetuates itself into a vicious cycle of negative outcomes. 

It's a sheer act of willpower to break that cycle once it starts.  It's difficult because I want to sit there and scream my fury over having regained the weight (thank heavens not all of it...not even half of it).  I did it to myself, I know that, but it drives  me to a low.  And in that low I want to self medicate with food.  I want to throw my hands up in the air and say "I don't give a flying fig about this....I just want to live my life without having to consciously think about food."   But I know that doing that will only increase the low.  I HAVE to care...because caring brings about the highs that I so crave.


bbubblyb said...

When you are comforting yourself with food do you actually still find comfort in it? I'm finding each time I do it I just don't find the comfort in it I use to. I find exercise brings me more comfort especially outdoor exercise. I hope you can start having more highs than lows. *hugs*

timothy said...

the old patterns no longer work and the satisfaction food gives is hollow and fleeting, it's an every day battle but just keep moving forward, i KNOW you can do it! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

F. McButter Pants said...

Oh Sweetie~been there done all that. Felt all that. Why or why do we do it? I wish I had the cure. I would be rich. I do agree with Dawn. I don't find as much comfort as I used to in food. Though I still go back to it time after time. Just to make sure. :)

hope you can break the cycle. hope we both can.

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

I think this whole process is really about teaching us something. Teaching us persistence, teaching us patience, teaching us how to gain control over our own emotions and bodies. It is a slow process but even when we slip up, we are learning. The key is to NEVER GIVE UP. Make each time less time in that "low". We need to tell ourselves positive things and choose not to look at it negatively. For me, it's really been relying on the Lord for my strength and it's still a battle. But it's like it get's a little easier each time. I've had to admit to myself that I need the Lord's help to do this, and then I hold on to even the tiniest success and build on that.

Sorry for the rambling... just want to encourage you and wish you the best.