Tuesday, April 26, 2011

stranglehold, dread and other non-connected thoughts

Why does food have such a hold on me?   I start thinking about the next meal mere seconds after the latest meal is finished.  It's nuts.  I have off tomorrow afternoon and I've already talked to Todd about what/it/where/when we will go out to eat for lunch or dinner.  That's just sad.  Why does it have such a hold on me.  Food has a stranglehold on me.  It controls everything I do. I need to break that stranglehold.  How do break that hold is the question.  How do you break the patterns and thoughts that have defined who you are for so many years?   we live in a society that actually encourages that thought.  We are rewarded with food.  We are thanked with food.  We are consoled with food.  It's the way our society is.  So how can one break from this stranglehold????

I woke up with an incredible sense of dread this morning.  I have no clue what I'm expecting to happen or what is up.  Some people said "you are probably just dreading going to work because yesterday was so slow and boring"  but it's not that kinda dread.  That kinda dread is a annoying nuisance.  This is just all consuming ready to cry and waiting for the shoe to drop dread.  Not cool.   I'm just sufficiently worried because of this weird feeling.

Food yesterday.....OVER by about 8 points. It was the banana split flurry (blizzard...but not at dairy queen) that did it. I thought last week was bad because I was just kinda snacking all week.....this week may be worse because Todd is able to eat and WANTS to eat....and heck, I'm a social eater! I have my food entered into e-tools for today though. It's a bit high on carbs...but I'm within my points. (Todd wanted waffles for breakfast so I made homemade waffles....I am having a salad for lunch with grilled chicken on it....and dinner is spaghetti) notice the theme of foods for Todd has to be softer...nothing that is crunchy or has to be chewed a lot. LOL