This journey has been one of incredible highs but some pretty low lows. I've felt totally on top of the word. On top of life In control and just good. But then when things go downhill, it goes LOW. The problem is...when the lows come it is so easy to feel defeated by everything. It's so easy to let the lows influence how we feel and how we act and sadly enough that perpetuates itself into a vicious cycle of negative outcomes.
It's a sheer act of willpower to break that cycle once it starts. It's difficult because I want to sit there and scream my fury over having regained the weight (thank heavens not all of it...not even half of it). I did it to myself, I know that, but it drives me to a low. And in that low I want to self medicate with food. I want to throw my hands up in the air and say "I don't give a flying fig about this....I just want to live my life without having to consciously think about food." But I know that doing that will only increase the low. I HAVE to care...because caring brings about the highs that I so crave.