Friday, January 06, 2012

Empowerment

I started out slowly.  Right around Christmas I started thinking about it.  I started to try to make more health conscious choices....I moved slowly.  A few days before New Years and I was rolling.  So here I sit. It's the sixth day of the new year and I feel strong.  I feel alive.  I feel empowered.

Why?  Yes, I struggled again last night with the overwhelming loneliness and the utter sadness that just ripped through my soul.  But yet I feel empowered.  Isn't that a weird dichotomy?   I however DO understand where this feeling of empowerment comes from.

I've talked many times about how I KNOW that I have a food addiction.  I struggle with this need to feel that 'high' from the most awesome tasting food.  I want that. It's a really hard addiction to conquer because I can't just remove myself from a situation in which I may be confronted with my vice (IE stay out of bars if I"m an alcoholic)  No, I'm forced to confront my addiction three times a day.  Each and every meal I have to stare my addiction in the face and say "SCRAM....I'm not falling prey to your tempting pull". And sadly enough for the last year I have allowed my food addiction to win quite a few times. 

However, after only 6 or 8 days into being back on track and actually having control, I feel empowered.  I have been battling this addiction and in the last 6-8 days I've won!  I know that I will battle it for the rest of my life....but I'm in awe of the feeling of empowerment that flows through me just knowing that I've stared it in the face and I've won just for these few days.  Yes, it IS a huge victory.  But being in control is the best feeling in the world!   Do I still want to eat bad stuff and lots of it?  Yes...I'm an addict.  But Being in control tastes better than the high that food gives...and you know what?  It lasts longer too!

Control.....Control.....Control.......this is the one area of my life that I CAN control.  And you know what? It feels damn good!

Went out for a walk again this morning.  1 hour down!  :-)  It was cold again, but we just bundled up!

Mile Marker on the C&O Canal on the segment that we walked today.

Mile 78

Bundling up.  Yes, I wear a hat with flaps....it's SOOOOO toasty warm!

Bundling up

11 comments:

Enyonam said...

It gets better everyday. You are doing a great job MaryFran. Keep it up. :-)

Julie said...

I've never of thought of having to face our addiction 3 times a day. It is hard - it sucks. Just watch for those moments of total victory that happen through out the day and celebrate. Kudos to EMPOWERMENT!!! Keep fighting. Never give up. Never surrender. Loves.

Darcy said...

Just wanted to say...YOU'RE AWESOME!

Maren said...

You are doing so incredibly well, and I'm so happy that I get to take part in your journey through your blog! I agree with Darcy, you are awesome! :D

responsibility199 said...

It is an interesting phenomenon in that out sense of empowerment rises slowly as we see progress. Also an interesting phenomenon in how that there seems to be a peak in that sense of empowerment and we give back into bad habits; hence the roller coaster ride many of us have been on. The challenge today is building that sense of empowerment up to a point where we actually do have control, the challenge each day is to not give any control back.

BEE said...

Love the hat. Iknow how u feel. It otally feel empoered right now to

Blog Wobble said...

The more you exercise your will power the stronger it gets. Keep it up and one day it wont be so hard :)

timothy said...

wonderful and i understand COMPLETELY! you'll do it one meal at a time! xoxoxoxo

chubbymumnomore said...

Woohoooo what a year this is going to be. Well done another step closer. Love the hat

spunkysuzi said...

And the more days we're in control the easier it is to stay strong in the battle.
Your doing great and I'm cheering you on.

Mallory said...

Just found your blog! Keep up the great work! I know its tough and you just want to give up. But think about where you want to be and how happy you will be with your results!

Mallory @ www.pickyeaterstory.blogspot.com