Tuesday, April 02, 2013

Warm comforting Arms of a friend

Getting myself out of bed earlier than normal in order to get my daily dose of Jillian 30 Day shred.   I've made my commitment to this now.  And I WILL complete it.  But let me tell you it was a struggle to do it.  But I did it.   The first round of sets is the killer for me right now.   My arms shake and burn on the first strength move and the cardio segment kills me for some reason.  It does get easier for me from then on out, so that is my consolation and what I kept telling myself this morning.  Anyway...two days down...28 to go.  So here is my question that I will be looking up today.  I've made the commitment to do this for 30 days straight. But shouldn't I be taking a rest day here and there?  However the 'program' is designed otherwise.   Hmmmm  Research time when I get to work (if it's not blocked!)

Last night I left work and my emotions just came crashing down upon me.  I cried the whole way home (ok, don't be too worried, I only live 2.5 miles from work). I skipped my run, I just felt wiped out achy and just not good.  So I walked into my house.   I dumped my bags and before I did anything I opened up the bag of baked barbecue chips (my husband's ..chips are not my downfall so it's not a problem that they are there).  I had a few chips...but since they are not my Achilles heel, I stopped.  However, I looked over at the two pieces of cake that I had cut and individully wrapped.  They haven't been tempting to me at all previously. And I had actually planned to have a small piece of cake that night...and I have saved the calories and eaten properly to account for it.  HOWEVER, emotions were coursing through me.  I ripped open the piece of cake.  It tasted so good.  It was like the arms of a friend were wrapped around me as I ate the cake.  You know where this is going I'm sure.  Yes, I ate the second piece of cake too.   (luckily I had cut very small pieces otherwise the damage would have been much worse).   Those warm arms of a friend that wrapped around me while I ate the cake????   I finished the cake and threw away the tin foil that it was wrapped in and then those warms arms deserted me.  The emotions were still there and the inhalation of the cake only made them worse.  I laid my head on the table and sobbed.    I knew deep inside that food wouldn't take away the pain in my heart.  Yet I still caved.   Once an addict always an addict.  It just reminds me that I have an addiction and that I will ALWAYS have to be on guard for this.  

You want to know what I did after I ate the extra cake?  First of all my belly was flipping from all that extra sugar (yeah, shocked me too) so I didn't eat anything.  A little later I had some strawberries  and a little bit later than that I had a string cheese.  So I was able to keep on track even with a splurge.   I'm on track today.  No feeding my emotions........not gonna happen today.  The emotions may well up but feeding those emotions is NOT an option today!

6 comments:

twogirlsmama76 said...

I'm sorry that you are going through a tough time.Major victory on the eating front. Before you would of beat yourself up, now with MFP you know that calories are just that calories, and were able to track and move on. Today is a new day, it's your to make what you want!

SANRDJ said...

Please don't beat yourself up. This is going to happen from time to time but the key is recognizing it, stopping and moving forward in a healthy way! And regarding the 30DS... I tried it too and might get back into it next month. I found that it was hard on my knees after the first week...and wondered too if it made sense to do it for 30 days straight! Good luck. You are doing really really well!

Eesh said...

You're brave! I don't think the program was designed to have you break. I have it as well but have not worked up the nerve to try. I've scanned through a vid and it seems fairly low resistance but it's Jillian...we know better.

I hope you feel better love. We all at some point go through the random crying in the car on the way...or anywhere. You're gonna get through like you always do. Cause why? You're fabu, that's why!!!

xo

BeKay said...

Don't feel bad. I struggle with the same thing. Right now I'm up two pounds because the habit of midnight snacking has found it's way back into my nights. And, I have bags of chocolate in my frig from Easter. It's a struggle, but from your pictures you've come a long way! Be proud of the accomplishments you have made. Be proud of from where you were and where you are today!

Scribbles said...

Know exactly how you feel MaryFran...food and friendship..2 "f" words...and together they make you another one of those "f" words: fat!! Geez that's one friend I want to ditch. Sorry you're teary. Been that way myself for a few weeks, and would really like to shake myself out of it. Chin up sweetie!

kristi said...

I understand completely.