Wednesday, October 09, 2013

Eating myself Sick


I kick myself every time it happens. Seriously?   What kind of idiot continues to eat when they are full, stuffed even! What kind of dummy feels bloated and stuffed to the gills yet still decides to eat lunch simply because it’s lunch time? This dummy apparently. 
That kind of behavior used to be the norm.  I would eat until I was literally sick to my stomach.  Before that bloated icky feeling would even go away, I would be right there shoveling more food down my gullet.  My life was a constant round of stomach aches.  It wasn’t until I had started to lose weight and really manage my food intake that I realized that the stomach aches were caused by my gluttony.  I was eating myself sick. 
You would think that when I made this discovery that the problem would go away.  However I must be incredibly dense.  This behavior crops up over and over and over again.  Thankfully less and less often, but it’s still embedded in my memory bank of behaviors to act upon.
Yes, I’m writing this because I have recently lived a few days of this behavior. Monday was the worst.  I woke up.  I got dressed to go out for a run.  I had to drop something off for Todd so I headed out.  I don’t like to run on a full stomach so I planned to eat after my run.  However I had packed my lunch for work.  Things happened (lets not go there….) and I never got the run in.  I went home and I was so stressed out about those ‘things that happened’ that I had some homemade bread and then decided to eat some leftover Mexican chicken soup that I had in the fridge.  It was soooooo tasty and I knew that there was one bowl left so I ADDED it to my lunch box. Lunch rolled around and I was not even remotely hungry but I carted my butt up the stairs to the lunch room and heated up that soup.  Did I stop at the soup (and the tortilla chips that went with it…and yes I had tortilla chips with the soup at breakfast too).  Heck no!  I ate some cottage cheese and some fruit…most of the original items in my lunchbox.   What was my reasoning for the ‘extra items’ that were above and beyond the ultra filling soup and chips?   It’s very simple really.  I knew that I wasn’t going to be packing a lunch for work until Friday due to a vacation day , a half day and a late start day.  That food would/could have gone bad!  I didn’t want to waste it! 
I was miserable and then asked myself all day what in the world I was doing to myself.   Why would I mindlessly shovel food into my body, a body that was already rebelling against me.  It makes no sense.  Absolutely insane, if you ask me!  Yet I continually fall into that trap and habit.
I’m not going to say that I’ll never do it again.  I’m an addict. I have an addiction to food and I KNOW that I will slip up again in the future.  I’m just writing this to affirm that I KNOW that it is happening. I’m saying that I don’t like it and I am going to TRY to guard against it.
Meanwhile, I think I’m falling apart physically.  Yes, I do.  Lets start at the bottom:
The left foot…the tarsal nerve is still periodically kicking….along with the plantars fasciitis.
The right foot….the tarsal nerve is bothering me.  I’m freaked out because from what I read the tarsal nerve can precipitate the plantar’s fasciitis (the nerve helps support the arch so when the nerve is messed up the arch loses it’s support and thereby ‘falls’ and that can irritate the plantar)
My back…my lower back has given me grief for a few years.  Yes, in 2011 I was really bad and actually had to take some time off work, simply because I couldn’t move…literally.  It was horrible!   So that was been sensitive a few days recently. I’ve rested it and stretched it and it seems to be better now.
My right arm……what the heck?  I started to feel pain the day I did my 3 bushels of apples (applesauce and apple butter).  I figured it was just a tensed muscle from the work.  Two days later I did a full day photo shoot (the wedding).  At the end of the evening I was getting my gear packed to go home and there was a sharp pain in my arm and from then on my arm HURTS.  It hurts to hold a pen and write. It hurts to type.  It hurts to move my fingers.  It hurts to touch my arm.  It hurts.  GRRR.  It has been suggested that I have tendonitis….or something akin to tennis elbow.  Really????
Otherwise, I’m feeling pretty good. 

9 comments:

Darcy Winters said...

Sorry you're having a rough week. I suspect the feet issues are from you having overdone it over the last several months and it is just going to take time to heal. As for the arm --- I get that sometimes too and I have no clue what causes it. Try getting a little extra potassium and see if that helps.

Remember....you only fail if you quit!

JenB said...

I had a bad food day on Saturday (donuts in the morning and popcorn/candy at the movies) ... you know, I so rarely feel bad (physically) after eating anything. I'm not sure what is worse, feeling bad, and hopefully having that act as a deterrent for the future ... or feeling just fine. I swear, I could eat just junk food, at time I do, I can eat 3000 calories and not feel overly full or even uncomfortable. I know it's not good for me, but I honestly feel just fine.

I actually didn't feel super bad about Saturday. It wasn't mindless eating. We don't get donuts often, I figured it was worth the splurge. I've turned down dates with hubby as I've tried to eat better, but I do need to remember to live life (... I know I didn't NEED to eat popcorn at the movies, but it just doesn't feel like a complete movie experience without it).

Keep on trying!

Darcy said...

I had an issue with my elbows for a while that was terrible. It left me with very little strength in either arm. I still have problems from time to time, though the elbows don't usually feel tender anymore, just issues with weakness. Anyway, for me, it was golfer's elbow (on the wrong part of my elbow to be tennis). I was taking fish oil 3 times a day and that worked wonders for me. It helps with inflammation. You should give it a try. It may help the feet too. I was amazed at how much better my arms felt after just a few days of taking it. They had both been bothering me for quite some time when I started. Good luck!

Zan said...

You ate unhealthily, it doesn't make you stupid. Let me say that again because there is a lot of self hate going on here, it doesn't make you stupid. Based on this post alone it sound slike a classic bought of emotional eating, caused by whatever the 'don't go there' thing was that caused you to call off your run (something that may have left you thinking 'well, may as well eat whatever now' consciously or unconsciously). Added to the little worries about various pains that may prevent you from exercising, it adds up to a lot of frustration and some bad choices. Breathe. Go look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you're not a bad person. Look online for some exercises you can do that won't irritate the problems you have. Breathe again. This is not the end. You can only control your next decision.

timothy said...

so can relate to this I just finished off a medium ham/bacon pizza, garlic knots, and chicken alfredo from dominos because I was too exhausted to go to the grocery store, UGH!

Marion Shaw said...

I think those of us who used to weight a lot more have hidden icebergs of past bad habits that nobody else can detect. Those bad habits pop out every once in a while, like we never changed a bit! Then they go dormant again. Just because you had a binge does not mean you didn't change. It's sort of an echo from the past. :D

Fran said...

I have bad foods days too. You had one too but you don't have them as many as in the past: that's a success! I wouldn't worry too much if it happens now and then. Accept it and move on. You are on the right track 99.9% of the time and that's fantastic!

Leslie said...

Hang in there! You are such a hard worker, and so dedicated to this process. I struggle with the eating till I'm sick part too. I've gotten a lot better, but I have to be really aware. I have given myself permission to let some food go to waste in this process. I try not to, but I am learning. When I overeat food is still wasted, but it is wasted in my body.

Ray said...

Wow! Sorry, but I'm kinda glad to know I'm not alone. You're NOT stupid, it's just an addiction that we all have to fight every single day. Good luck