My birthday and the upcoming end of the year caused me to sit back and think and ponder. Yeah, I did this last year around my birthday also......so is this going to be my new tradition every year? This year the pondering brought about some depression. I'll admit it. It's the same thing. I sit back and think about where I am. I can't help but correlate that with where the dreams of a young 20 year old MaryFran had. I'm not exactly happy with where I am. Coupled with the issues of this past year and it just hasn't been a good place in my mind.
Last night at zumba I was thinking though. Yeah, in case you haven't picked up on it....I do some of my best thinking whilst exercising! Anyway, I was thinking. And yeah, I can continue to keep my eye out for a better job....something that would actually pay me more than the peanuts that I currently make, but more importantly something that challenges me and makes me excited to go to work. But that is somewhat contingent upon external factors.....the marriage is also contingent upon external factors. The 'having children' thing is well...I'm pretty sure that that is not going to happen....41 is just kinda old to be starting a family. So that leaves me back with the weight.......I was doing so good this past year. I actually reached 40 pounds lost in early July. And then things went really bad and while I managed to hold onto my weight for a while through the stress in my life....but eventually the weight started creeping back on. I've regained about 10 pounds. This is UNACCEPTABLE! So 2014 is the year that I'm going to totally blast the weight off of my body. I was talking to my zumba peeps and the instructor after the class. I mentioned that 2014 I'm going to reach my goal and not let external factors derail me. Anita (the instructor) smiled and said "the three of us are going to hold you to that and keep you focused!" I sure hope so because I want the weight GONE!
Meanwhile...this week at zumba my legs have felt like lead weight. By the end of the class I feel as if I can't even lift my feet off the ground let alone jump. Crazy how some weeks I get into the class and feel light as air and some weeks I go in and drag through it! I don't let the 'bad classes' derail me...I still push myself. I still try to jump and move at the highest level possible....but it's hard.
So Christmas is coming...my eating is borderline out of control. My exercise is so so. That is NOT going to get me where I want to go. So tracking begins in earnest. We are picking up new tennis shoes for Todd today and then hitting up the gym this afternoon. I'm not going to let this weight win!!!