Yesterday I hit a low point though. No, not in my weight loss and the good vibrations (cue the beach boys to sing good vibrations...haa haa haa) that I have going. But in my personal life. An area of my life reared it's ugly head. For a short time at work I was choking back my emotions and when I got home those emotions were set free. Admittedly, some of the emotions could have been caused by the upcoming monthly female ick, but the issues and worries and stress were real. I sat at work and I wanted to eat. I wanted to eat my worries and tears away. I wanted to forget about the issues that threaten to drown me. I looked back at the cabinet where we have our snacks. I knew better than to even open the cupboard doors. Once the door is opened, I'm admitting that I'm going to eat. It's a lost cause, once the decision is made it's hard to turn it around. I read on someones blog the other day...so sorry because I can't remember where or whom....where they had caved and pulled into a drive through to order fast food. They came to their senses and BACKED OUT OF THE DRIVE THROUGH! How awesome is that? That is incredible! But I digress....I didn't open the cabinet door because I knew that if I did that I didn't have the willpower to 'back out of the drive through'. But then I noticed the candy sitting on the counter. We are a small office in a small town. Our customers are awesome. They bring us candy, cookies, cakes, donuts, you name it...they have brought it. (We had one customer was ordering pizza and decided to order and extra one for us...seriously we have great customers.) It's post Christmas...we have candy coming out of the wazoo. I looked at the candy. I was so seriously tempted. I wanted, like I've never wanted before. (OK, maybe that was a bit over dramatic). I walked over and started fingering the bags of candy. And then I had a brilliant idea! Candy always gives calories per serving, which is usually a couple pieces. So maybe I could 'afford' one piece of something...after all, I did have roughly 25 calories before I was thrown over the edge of my self imposed calorie budget. I pulled a calculator forward and started figuring out how much each piece of candy would cost. ONE mint chocolate candy was 28.57 calories. Seriously? That little piece of candy? I kept going. A piece of peppermint hard candy was just about 17 calories. One piece? Seeing the numbers really helped. Because those tiny pieces of candy were seriously higher than I wanted to spend. (and honestly, who eats just one piece of candy?) And then TRUE inspiration struck! I spent a few minutes near the candy.....and here is the end results......
Why yes, all of the candy DOES have new labels that show exactly how many calories are in one piece. Why yes, that was my idea! Why yes, my co-workers are probably going to kill me. Already one coworker this morning looked at me and said, "Really MaryFran, I do not want to see how many calories are in that piece of candy, it will make me feel guilty!" (she's a size 0 or 2 or some such skinny minny size like that). My manager was watching me do my labelling system yesterday and she was happy , because she is also trying to watch what she eats. In fact she is really wanting a piece of the 90 calorie candy, but has since made the decision to hold off until it's a day where she has more 'available' calories to consume. Are the rest of my coworkers going to lynch me when they return on Monday and see my 'decorations'? Probably! Do I care? Not in the slightest. You see, after putting the numbers CLEARLY on the candy, I had absolutely NO desire! there was no way I was eating a piece of chocolate mint the size of a Hershey kiss and blowing almost 29 calories! Knowledge is everything!
Last night, I was still feeling rather down with the personal issues. I am proud to say that having my menu for the day totally completed and planned worked well. I made what was planned for dinner. I ate what was planned for dinner and when it was over, even though I wanted more. (remember, I like to feed my emotions) I said, "No, I've had enough to fuel my body." I stayed on my couch and ignored the fat mini me that was on my shoulder telling me that food would make me feel better! Yesterday was a success, regardless of the emotions pouring through my body.
I have decided that at least for the time being, I need to plan out my meals a day in advance. I need to know exactly what the plan is for the next day. That way when that fat mini me starts screaming at me to eat in order to silence the emotions the bubble up in my life I can look at the 'plan' and keep the course!