Sunday, January 12, 2014

Down with the Pity Party

It's been a great weekend for friendships.  I got to spend some time with two different friends and I got to spend some time talking on the phone to another friend.  Ahhh...that's the life.

I just got back from a chilly Sunday morning walk with my one friend.  As always, our mouths go a mile a minute as we talk about everything from cooking, to kids, to money matters, to weight loss.  Nothing is taboo and we cover it all.  This morning we spent some time reflecting on weight loss.  She and I have both lost weight.  She and I have both gained weight.  She and I have both struggled.  While we walked along a question was posed "What was different the times that we have actually lost weight?"  and of course that question led to "what happened to make us stop losing and to in fact gain?"  I was easily able to say that I believed in myself. I felt I was worth it. And those two things combined to be the magic to help me lose weight.    

 I was able to trace my weight loss journey.  I decided to lose weight.  I had goals and magical dreams about what life would be like when I lost the weight.  The skies would open, angels would sing, squirrels and chipmunks would dance.  In other words, my life was going to be fantastic.  I believed it and I felt worth of that fantastic life.  I lost the weight and I realized that it wasn't that way.  The chipmunks didn't sing and no angels sang.  My life was exactly the same except that I had a bit more energy and my clothes were a smaller size.  The life problems were still there.....weight loss didn't fix everything. So I gained.  I was valiantly trying to lose weight still..but I felt worthless....life was kicking me.  It was a losing battle...I gained.  I tried weight watchers again but I couldn't get the weight off.  I was listening to life and allowing it to derail me. I was miserable and felt worthless.   I had some life lessons in 2011 and 2012.  I won't go into depth with them, as many of them are intensely personal....but I realized that I'm worth a whole bunch.  I was worth it!  So in 2013 I made a massive push to lose the weight.  I was doing great!  Everything was fine and dandy...and then something happened to shake my sense of self worth.  Damn self worth!   What happened?  I stopped losing and I slowly started gaining.   GRRRRR   

So I can see where the issues begin and end.  I know the problem.  Conversely my friend walked through her weight loss journey and she could trace back to her root problems. It's right there in black and white.

Oh we can say, marital problems, financial problems, death in the family, family obligations, depression, health problems, and whatever other problems that crop up in life.  Those problems are there.  That is not what has caused us to be derailed.  What has caused the derailment is this......it's the dang pity party that we throw!   Yes, some of the marital problems I've faced are...well.....crap to the crappiest degree.  I've faced them and I'm working through what I can.  They have given my self worth a shake, but that's not what derailed me.  I was derailed because I started a pity party!   Finances suck. It really blows to be tight financially.  But you know what.  A roof over ones head and food on ones table is a really good thing.  A pity party about it, is not!  

Enough!   No more pity parties!   Life will beat us down sometimes.  Sometimes there will be things that shake us to the core.  There will be times where we question our worthiness.  That's ok.  Deal with it and continue to live.  

So I was set to run the Chilly Willy 5k yesterday morning. I picked up my race packet the day before.





I was pleased because it was supposed to be warmer than the bone chilling temps.  What a blessing.  However, the 90% chance of rain was not so full of blessing.  Paula and I went to pick up our race packets and when we saw how loosely organized this race was (seriously, I chose my bib number and I don't even believe that they wrote down what bib number I was).   We noticed that the roads were not marked...and they gave us a google map with small arrows depicting the route.   Well, Paula and I decided to sit this run out.  We just didn't find it worth it to go out in cold (it was warmer than the zero degrees...but the 30-40's are still cold...and utterly miserable in the rain!)!  So I got a teeshirt to sleep in.  ha ha ha

The bad thing?   I had planned that as my exercise and of course that time got sucked up by other activities and I didn't get my exercise in.  I had purposefully taken off on Friday.  So I've already used my 2 free pass days on exercise.  I'll push myself.....because in terms of goals...I've already toasted my water consumption on two days also!    Moving forward.......

5 comments:

timothy said...

once again such a similar trajectory and blogging about the same stuff basically. I choose to believe it's because were both utterly fabulous! hang in darlin!

Kyra said...

Wow, I can't believe the race was that disorganized! Ugh! I probably would have been worried about running it too!

The self worth thing is a big one for me. I struggle with my self-worth all the time, and I have lost all the weight to look around and realized it solved nothing. Sometimes it's about our expectations too, and what we thought was going to be different (as in, is that even possible? I had one friend who for some bizarre reason thought she would be 3 inches taller and get a promotion she never even tried for, for example.) It's a lot to think about, and something I'm still working on myself!

Primal Gwen said...

Been there, done all that! I got down to a fantastic 128 or so January 2010, after doing South Beach since the April before. I was in maintenance mode, humming right along. I got some devastating medical news (that, ironically, I found out 2 years later was FALSE, but I digress)...and well, I went into a tailspin. I mean, who gives a shit what they look like, when they could go blind at any moment and life change forever? I pity partied myself into 60 of the 70 pounds I had lost. Then felt like an absolute fool when I discovered the diagnosis was incorrect. So yeah, know all about it. Now, I'm 62. Shit - medically- is going to happen to me sooner or later. I am trying very hard to build the mental stamina to not let life's crap knock me for a loop. Because, in the long run, whatever that life crap IS, we face it much better when we are healthy, not obese. Fact. I just need to keep that in mind when the b.s. hits. I know you can too. We just have to re-think things, and stop using food -especially junk food- as a self-soothing device to medicate ourselves from pain. Emotional OR physical pain. It's a temporary fix, and then only piles guilt on top of an emotionally drained psyche!

Shelley said...

I'm getting pickier about races, and I'd say your instincts about that one were spot-on with their disorganization...and while you and your friend could have made it fun, it's never that much fun in cold, rainy conditions. Here's to a great week, doing the workouts you want (and like, what a concept)!

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