I have long ago realized that this weight loss journey is truly one that encompasses all aspects of my life. I lost all the weight before did it with a single minded focus on just fixing the weight. I didn't look at what made me overweight in the first place. I didn't focus on fixing the triggers that prompted me to turn to food. I didn't look at my life as a whole. I only focused on the food.
Now, I totally realize that I can never take all of the triggers that prompt me to turn to food away. I like food. I am admittedly a picky eater but I still love the tastes and textures of different foods. I know that realistically for me to deny myself certain foods is not an option. It’s not a plan that is sustainable. I am looking for a plan that is valid for longevity.
I’m not really doing all that great with my eating. I’m doing better with indiscriminate eating. My eating is still contained to mealtimes. That’s good, but not good enough.
Today luckily was the first day since Sunday that I rolled out of bed and didn't feel pain in my back. I didn't realize it until I was in the shower this morning that I had experienced no pain. I've been pretty much pain free all day today. YAY. That means that I’ll be ready to kick exercise back into gear!!!!
And I will be kicking exercise into high gear VERY soon. Earlier this year (way back in January or February actually) I sat down and looked at possible runs. I had been toying with running a half marathon this year. I did back down to saying I was going to be realistic and make my goal a 10k for this year. Well, I've been so lax about everything that I ran the Donut Alley Rally with little prep. I ran it on heart and soul. I swore I was going to start running regularly but it just never happened. I kind of ignored the fact that I had this 10k goal in my mind. I admittedly looked at the calendar and thought about the fact that the 10K I had chosen (For wounded warriors again…same as Donut Alley Rally) was fast approaching. I just figured ‘out of sight, out of mind’. That worked until today when my good friend Paula posted on facebook that she’s going to run a 10k. Yeah, I’m a glutton for punishment and promptly liked it and asked which one and with whom. Her response was “the one you said you were doing and with you of course.” So I’m going to be registering for a 10K in the next day or two. I have 38 days to prepare myself. HA Paula and I are just crazy enough to pull this off!
I WILL drop this weight!!!
I've been talking a bit about my thoughts. I've mentioned that my job pays peanuts (ok, maybe not even that much). I've mentioned that I’m bored there (but spoiled with the lack of work that I actually do). I've mentioned that I've been thinking about and pushing toward some of my thoughts and possible goals. I've been having some major doubts about what I’m doing the last few days. I talked to Todd and another friend and they both said the same thing. “If you enjoy what you are doing, do it……and if something comes out of it great. If nothing happens then be satisfied with the enjoyment that you received in the process.”
So I've beaten around the bush at what I’m actually working on. So here it is. I like to write. I always have. I've kept a journal religiously since I was about 12 and I've kept my journal AND this blog going for the last 7 years. I've written and kept my memoirs updated since shortly after college. What are my memoirs? My memoirs are written out account of events and happenings in my life. They have been a source of joy to write and as I go back and read stuff that I wrote 20 years ago I just laugh and laugh as the memories wash over me. Over the years I have also written various fiction pieces. I have file folders full of writing.
As a young kid I used to always create plot lines in my head. It’s how I put myself to sleep. I created these plots and I planned out stories in my head, in detail. My stories were in VIVID detail. I thought everyone did this. (in fact I still find it odd to believe that it’s not the norm…go figure) . I would get stuck on one story for a few weeks or a month and then when that plot line had played itself out, I would move on to the next story line. As I got older, these plots got stuck in my head and replayed over and over at warp speed. Relief came when I put these stories down on paper. It was only temporary relief because these plots just crowd my mind and multiply at a rapid pace. I like to write. In my journals from my teenage years I mentioned once or twice that I was toying with journalism or something that would utilize that love. I obviously didn't and I've actually wondered if maybe that wasn't my life calling (versus teaching). But that’s water under the bridge.
I have a few things in the works.
*I have a children’s book that is written and I finally have it in the hands of someone that I hope will illustrate it for me. It’s a book that combines history and whimsy.
* I actually have a series of just articles about weight loss and lessons that I have learned along the way. I started them for me and I've pondered putting them together into a book form someday.
* I have had an idea for a story in my head for YEARS. I have actually started to work on it. It is based upon certain beliefs that our society puts forth…ideas that are WRONG. I want to write a book that sets things right. Let me start at the beginning. I have picked up various books about overweight girls over the years. Let’s face it, they intrigue me. I can identify plain and simple. I read them, and for the most part, they are a really decent read. My problem is that these books have the same general plot line. Fat girl lives a miserable existence. Her life is royally messed up and sad. She works to lose weight. (That part is awesome because it’s giving hope!) When she loses her weight she lands the perfect job. She finds the perfect man. She has the perfect family. Life just turns perfect. Her self worth is validated by sudden perfect existence. As I read I say “YAY main character that is awesome.” But inside I am seething. We are placing value on life as a thin person. That character had value as a fat person too, but she never learns that of course. We are placing the balance of everything on the fact that this girl has lost weight. (for the most part, I know that there are people and probably books out there that don't foster this attitude) This is wrong. The girl (or guy…I don’t mean to leave guys out…it just so happens that my main character is a girl…haha) is perfect as a person before hand and just needs to find their self worth as a PERSON instead of looking to find it in the number on a scale. I want to push the concept that thin is just simply a number on the scale and a number that is printed on a tag sewn into clothes. So the whole premise of my book is that success in life, love and happiness come from within and has NOTHING to do with weight. Pretty deep stuff eh?
So there you have it. I’m still toying with some of the other ideas for crafty things. But right now my focus is on writing. And my word…if you like to edit let me know…I hate that process, (as evidenced from my posts that often times are unedited and just put up to get the thoughts and ideas out of my head!) I may be looking for someone that will edit it for content and grammar at some point! Remember, I’m poor and can’t pay!