Wednesday, November 05, 2014

No longer hiding

This is probably the hardest blog post I have ever had to write.  Brutal actually.  And really what does it have to do with weight loss?   Nothing.   Everything.

I've alluded to the fact that I'm utterly sad and depressed.   I've not really come out and said what's going on but suffice it to say it's been no fun.   So it is with a heavy, heartbroken heart that I write that my marriage is over.  Oh it's not over on paper and on a technical viewpoint, we've got a ways to go until everything is finalized, signed sealed and delivered.  But it's 'over'.  


I have no interest in rehashing the details of what brought about the demise of my marriage.  This is not the time or place for that.  

I have struggled greatly over this upcoming 'event'.  I grew up in an environment where Divorce was a bad bad word. It was ingrained in my mind that divorce was a bad thing and looked down upon.  I resisted this for so long.  If I pray for my marriage it will work, right?  Nope.   That didn't work....nothing I tried worked. (and I tried and tried and tried)  So I will join the ranks of people that have a 'failed marriage' in the life.  Great, another failure! Just what I wanted, as if I haven't failed in enough of my ventures.



I am petrified.  I am scared.   I am heartbroken.

I know that these issues have held me back in my weight loss efforts the last year. The stress alone probably is enough to drop me in my tracks and keep me from success.  Beyond that,  I haven't been able to focus on anything other than these issues and how I'm feeling.   I hope that as these issues are eradicated from my life that the weight drops.  I sure hope so!


So I end this post hopeful for the future.




15 comments:

Leslie said...

I wish that I could give you great big hugs right now. I know there is nothing really good that I can say right now. I hope that one day you will be able to see your marriage differently. By that I mean it is not a failure that it has ended. You are not a failure. People grow and change. Sometimes we grow together....sometimes we grow apart. You are an amazing person. I think it takes incredible strength to walk away from something when it is no longer what we need. I know I only know you through your blog, but just have to say I am sending lots of hugs and warmth your way. Love Leslie

Fran said...

I am so sorry for you! But I agree with Leslie, you are not a failure. You have tried and it didn't work. That has nothing to do with failure. Take care sweety.

*A Strong New Me* said...

I am sorry to read this. When I got divorced, I struggled with feeling like I failed. But I learned to view it as something that simply could not work with just one person trying. Both people have to work hard. It is still painful, but don't add to it by labeling yourself or putting yourself down. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

Melissa Long said...

I'm so sorry Mary Fran. I know you wouldn't come to this decision lightly. Divorce is not a failure. Things change and to try to force it would only be painful and disappointing. You are strong and you will get through this. Lots of prayers

Lori said...

This is indeed heartbreaking. I am so sorry that you are having to live through this rotten time of life.

One thing you might do is google "DivorceCare" and see if there is a group that meets in your area. It will help transition you into your new life.
Lori

Darcy Winters said...

(((hugs))) So sorry you are going through this. I know you are strong though and you will get through it.

Alati said...

MaryFra, my heart breaks for you as I am sure that it was not an easy decision. I know that even if it's difficult now, you will get through this and move forward . Stay strong!

Jean said...

I am so, so sorry. I have you in prayer. Relationships are like boats built for two that have a leak in them...one person rowing isn't enough to keep it from sinking.

Tricia Coniglio said...

So sorry to hear it!!! I agree with the others, you are not a failure. Sometimes things don't work out, despite all your hard efforts. You tried and it sounds like it was for a long time. You may find that life is better after the healing takes place. I hope you do.

Running Down the Pounds said...

I've been thinking about you a lot lately!!! It's hard to hit bottom. To make changes even if they are good for us in the long run.

Kyra said...

I really hope you can stop seeing it as a failure, and maybe more something that just came to an end? *hugs*

Desiree - Finding the Skinny Geek Within said...

(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry. Divorce is so so hard. But here's to a much brighter future for you.

Sonya @ Eyes on the Hourglass said...

Oh MaryFran, I'm so sorry to hear this news. Hubby and I are currently going through a lot ourselves and it also tends to tank my mood and my desire to push on. I too feel like a failure at this thing called marriage especially when I haven't even been married for two years. It can be soooo hard sometimes. I'm glad though that you are doing what is best for you. What you need to do. Good for you. I'll be rooting for you moving forward. Hugs.

Shelley said...

I have a close friend who is currently going through a divorce and she, too, is struggling with the "failure" part. I commend her and you for seeing that something isn't working and being willing to make a change, hard as it is. I know this isn't an easy time - big hugs to you, MaryFran.

bbubblyb said...

Sending you a big hug. I think you will blossom now that you've set yourself free. People grow and change and others don't but don't look at it as a failure but instead a learning experience. This is your time now. Good luck.