Thursday, January 22, 2015

One foot in front of the other

Why is this so difficult?  I kept vowing to try and start and work on this weight I'm all over this I kept telling myself.  And every day I would eat candy or french fries or something that would throw me for a loop and make me say "tomorrow" is the day.   Starting was proving to be the killer.

Toward the end of last week I made a vow to myself.  I was going to track my food....no matter what. I didn't matter what I chose to eat, all that matter was that I tracked EACH AND EVERY BITE!   Who cares if I was eating 40000 calories, my only responsibility was to track.  Now before you gasp and think, "what in the world, she just gave herself permission to eat anything".....I know that when I see the calories being consumed that I will freak and it will automatically pull me into control.

It worked....until yesterday.

Yesterday morning was bad.  I felt like one hot emotional wreck.  Just full of tears over everything.  I pulled myself together to go make breakfast and pack my lunch and proceeded to slice my hand open pretty badly (bad enough that half of my hand aches today....and it hurts to type!).  By the time I got that to stop bleeding and get myself ready for work it was time to go and I hadn't eaten breakfast yet.  So I did what anyone would do.  I stopped on the way.

I told myself just a breakfast sandwich and a small drink.  But you know what happened.  "Would you like to make that a meal"    And of course I answered yes and with no hesitation when she asked "super sized" I said yes also.   And that just set me up for a day of food debauchery.   (bad start to eating and roaring emotions...yup, failure)

All was not lost.....I still had zumba to help me burn off some calories.   But the snow.....


Emotions?  Why you ask.  Well of course I still have 'Cancer Kitty"  Who I watch (with a nervous twitch) every day...wondering if today is the day that she will no longer be able to eat or swallow past the growth on her neck.


Now I also have "Parapalegic Kitty"   Yes, another cat has joined the hospice care for cats center that I am apparently running.  Ethel on Saturday began to have horrible difficulties walking. I rushed her to the vet and he was skeptical but gave her some shots and pills (potions and lotions....literally) and sent her home.  She has recovered enough to get herself to he liter and the food....but it's rough.   Worse, she now just lays and most of the time she has a vacant stare in her eyes that just breaks my heart.  I can no longer get her to purr and she used to 'talk to me' all the time.....she doesn't do that any more.  My cat is not well and I know it.


Mertz, thankfully right now is doing well......so I will add a picture of Mertz.



Meanwhile....I'm just trying to smile.......












10 comments:

Desiree - Finding the Skinny Geek Within said...

You really have been through the ringler lately and with so much on your plate right now. Cut yourself some slack though! The fact that you are tracking (the good and the bad) is one positive! And you truly had every intention of hitting up zumba but stupid Mother Nature said "uh uh, no way!". Not your fault! Now that you are tracking, try to focus on one other thing today (like maybe getting your water in) and then eventually it will all snowball (sorry to use that metaphor) together!

Shelley said...

I'm sorry things are so rough EVERYWHERE for you right now...hoping today is better. Poor kitties! I appreciated the picture of impish Mertz. :)

Lori said...

You are in a hard place right now. You can't do everything. Don't beat yourself up trying to be perfect. I think logging your food no matter what is a fine idea. Keep on doing that. In time, you'll be in a better place and ready to make some changes.
Lori

timothy said...

all of this emotional personal turmoil and then the kitties too, so sorry darlin..........BIG HUGS!

timothy said...

all of this emotional personal turmoil and then the kitties too, so sorry darlin..........BIG HUGS!

Darcy Winters said...

So sorry you're having a rough time. (((hugs)))

Suzanne said...

so sorry :( Hoping things get better for you.

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Running Down the Pounds said...

Youve been through a lot of crap lately!!! Sucks!!! Sorry about the kitties!!!

Running Down the Pounds said...

In Summit Point WV theres a race track. THe first weekend in March theres a 5K and a half marathon. NO time limit because its on a track. Im think of signing up for the half, and mostly walking. Want to join me? debkhershberger at aol dot com.