Tuesday, March 03, 2015

Somber

I'm gaining weight.  Plain and simple.  I'm gaining weight.   I know why I'm gaining and I just seem powerless to stop it.

You see, I have a food addiction.  And just like an alcoholic turns to the bottle when life just kinda....well....sucks.  I turn to food.  It's not an excuse.  It's just a fact.  Food is my drug of choice.   It was highlighted this morning as I decided to pick up a breakfast sandwich on the way to work.  Burger King.   Yeah, that's a bad sign right there.  And when I order my meal and ask for it to be upsized to the biggest size possible because I need the big drink is the next bad sign.  Is that everything?  Why no....the mini cinnabons are there.  Would I like one two or three?   Why three of course!  And I scarfed that food down while driving down the road.....even the deliciously gooey cinnabon mini's!   Lunch.....oh lets just let it drop.  I was emotional (was is an understatement...AM) and I ate today.

I know that this has to stop.  I have to stop the weight gain.  I have to stop this.  I want to lose not gain.

I've long said that weight loss goes hand in hand with emotional health and boy this is proving it.

The emotions.  Yes, it bothers me that my ex is Mr. Jovial and  Mr. Man that is out dating and being the man that I had always wished I had in my life.   I don't want him back, but it bothers me to see him doing stuff that I would have given my eyeteeth to do and have.  That coupled with more dating disasters on my end (I have knick names for the guys I've seen/talked to......and they are not very complimentary......tiny taco, the elf,  blacktooth.....)  Just too much.  Bring on the food.

I'm going to vow again to try to bring it under control.  Maybe this time will be the magical attempt.

8 comments:

Alati said...

I can only imagine how hard it is to deal with what you're going through. however, look up at the title of your blog and remember to believe in yourself.believe you can stop the gain because you can, believe you will get it under control and that you Deserve better because there's many of us that already believe that . I'm sending you a big hug

Suzanne said...

Divorce sucks & I know what you mean when you see the ex dating and having fun. I remember feeling the same way. I have been in a slump myself & have regained a shi*load of weight but I am going to win & I know you WILL too. I know you will get that motivation back. Have faith & like Alati said BELIVE in yourself. You CAN do it !!

Lori said...

I'm sorry for the way you've been feeling. Just try to remember that you are important and that you matter. You writing your feelings down is a wonderful step in dealing with things. You are not alone!! Hang in there :)

Darcy Winters said...

(((Hugs))) I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had some magical words of advice to give you, but you know my story. I will say...you COULD use the psychology of making him see what he is missing. Revenge can be powerful motivation...but you have to do it for yourself - not just to show him!
;-)

Lori said...

I think your ex is doing what you asked during your marriage because he wants to you back. He probably never thought that the relationship would end so he never bothered to do those things you wanted. Now you are gone, and he's pulling those things out of his bag of tricks. (I say this because something similar happened to me only it was a broken engagement rather than marriage.)

Divorce is one of the most horrible emotional roller coasters anyone can live through. Of course, it would be better to eat an apple rather than cinnabon minis. But once the choice is made don't make life worse by beating yourself up. Try to do better next time. Next time, it still might be Burger King. Eventually, it will be the apple. It isn't license to pig out but it is grace to forgive yourself and be kind to yourself during this awful time in your life.

Life will get better one day. I promise.
Lori

Desiree - Finding the Skinny Geek Within said...

Oh sweetie. ((HUGS)) Divorce IS hard as well as the emotional rollercoaster that goes along with it. Small choices here and there will help get you back on track. And then they will snowball until it just 'clicks'.

This is all about you right now. Work on yourself first and no one else. You have earned the right to be selfish and you should be about your health now!

Hang in there! We are here for you!

Gwen said...

I'm so very sorry you are going through this.

For us addicts to certain foods (or food groups, like sugary foods, chocolates, etc.)...it's truly like an alcoholic. Moderation simply does not work, because even a tiny bit turns on the brain chemistry that not only stimulates appetite, but changes the brain to create the cravings. It's a vicious, vicious cycle. The only way to break it is to stop eating the foods that you are addicted to. It's hard to accept, but you won't find true (food) healing until you do. Try not to look at it from a 'deprivation' mindset. Try to look at it from a 'this is what I have to do to heal myself and get healthier.' If you were allergic to a food, you'd stop it even if you loved that food. You don't want to die. Obesity is a slow, incidious death, but it's a premature death sentence nonetheless. If you can find the energy to pick out a diet regime that keeps you totally away from your specific food addictions, you will find very quickly that the cravings DO die down, and only come back during super stressful times. It's a journey though. There will be bumps in the road because we are all human. But you can do this. I promise you that you can. :)

Kyra said...

I think it's fair to say that well... things suck right now, and trying to swim through it all is miserable. You CAN make the choice to not eat the wrong things or too much, so that is always in your power, but I totally understand how something being in your power doesn't make it easy. *hugs*