Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Day two

I'm working on day two.  Day two of munching on Advil to try to alleviate the caffeine withdrawal headache.  Yes, I have been talking about cutting down on my Diet Soda habit for a while.  Notice I said 'cutting down'.  I did not say that I was quitting it totally.   I kept trying to 'cut down' but you know what?    That concept is so much more difficult to perfect.  I would 'cut down' until someone offered to go pick up fountain drinks for everyone at work.  I would 'cut down' until I sat down in a restaurant and the waiter would ask me what I wanted to drink.  I would 'cut down' until I was home and thirsty.   Ohhh, and I wouldn't really drink my water before hand...because I knew a Diet Soda was just around the corner of my life.

Years ago on one of my previous attempts (successful too...for quite some time) to give up soda, I didn't give it up totally.  I gave it up totally for a while to get past the slump of learning to live without. (aka withdrawal symptoms), but then I would treat myself in the evening by drinking a can of soda if and only if I had already drank more than the 100 ounces of water that I was drinking.   Normally eating out would have me ordering water.  But admittedly, there are some meals that I feel just NEEDS a diet pepsi. I'm sorry....pizza needs a soda. So my plan?   Make it a week or two and then be ok with a diet soda every once in a blue moon.  Not everyday.  Not even every week.  Every once in a blue moon.

I am proud of myself though.  Even with a headache from hell....or rather a headache from caffeine I still made it out the door and got in a 2.5 mile run.  It was slow and brutal.  It's gonna be slow and brutal because I have totally lacked any kind of discipline in running.  That HAS to change.  I have plans.....I have dreams...I have.  Oh heavens, I have a 5K coming up in 2.5 weeks.   Uhhhh yeah!  I did say 2.5 weeks.   I think this last minute training is NOT cool.  AT ALL.  Why do I do this to myself?  Really?   Oh well, no use trying to figure out why I have now done this for TWO races/runs.  It is what it is and I just have to get myself into running shape.....as much as possible.  At least this time I only have to prepare for a 3.1 mile run and not a 6.2 mile run.  ha ha ha    It won't be a fast run, but I will do it.   This same run in 2013 still stands as my PR that I strive to beat.  I had been running consistently....and my time showed it.   It's not a PR that is spectacular, but it is my number and I own it! (ironically, I think if my first 10K would have only been 3 miles I would have PR'd...ha ha ha.....why?  Because I had run utterly consistent and regimented for the months before that run.    Yes, I'm getting the idea....RUN.  Run regularly.  Run consistently.  Run diligently.  Just run!

So I don't know if I should be disgusted or somewhat proud. (Maybe the pride is from hanging around with my young nephew so much.....he would definitely be proud!).    So let me say that I never run with a tissue tucked in my pocket or anything like that.  A month or two ago I had a slight bloody nose while running (in the cold)  I thought about starting to run with a tissue tucked somewhere safe.  That never materialized.  And then I was out running today.  (And I apologize in advance for the next few sentences but hey...it was a bit traumatic and I must talk about it!  Therapy you know....)   I was running, and I could feel that I needed to blow my nose.  It kept getting worse.  LOTS worse.  I became fearful that if I breathed too heavily that a booger would dangle from my nostril. My left nostril if you are interested in really visualizing the complete picture.  I had no choice.  Really, none at all.  Don't be a hater......but I shot my first snot rocket.  Or maybe I should call it a booger bomb.  Yeah, that's disgusting....but I'm weirdly proud.  Yeah, I'm a loser.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

A victory none the less

Ok, so today hasn’t been a stellar day of eating.  I had a piece of cake for breakfast.  Yeah yeah yeah…. You read that right.  A piece of cake!  It was my fault.  I got up early and did a few things and hadn’t eaten breakfast…so it’s 10AM and I was hungry!  So then the food fest just continued in high fashion as I left for work and was running late and hadn’t eaten lunch yet.  I stopped at Burger King.  Seriously?  I don’t even like fast food!  Can I say Burger King chicken sandwich….and onion rings.  And ohhhhh I don’t want to say it…….but I will.   I indulged in a chocolate milkshake.  Seriously?  I don’t even like fast food!


Ok, can’t look back.  Only forward.  The damage is done.   The food is however tracked.  (Holy cow…that large milkshake was 980 calories…ON IT’S OWN!....that doesn’t include the sandwich and onion rings! All 1900 calories for that ONE meal…and that is with a diet coke…..if I would have had a regular it would have been well over 2000 calories for one meal.  HOLY COY!)  But I’m tracked and accounted for.


I have been doing good with exercise.  I have been staying active and have kept moving.  I am however taking today off.   I weeded and mulched my parents flower beds for about 4 hours yesterday and then followed it up with a session of step zumba.  Today my back is tender and extremely sensitive.  I have learned the hard way to stop and rest the back when I can because pushing myself and letting it get worse is not a valid option. (Been there done that…..not being able to pull up your own pants is NOT fun!)


So while my eating hasn’t been spot on this week; I HAVE tracked and I will consider that a victory. I have also curbed some of the indiscriminate snacking whilst at work. (That is a  real killer!) Baby steps….

And just for fun........Cheryl (coworker) and I being goofy during a mandatory (boring) training at work.  

Monday, April 20, 2015

Moving Right Along

I saw this saying on Facebook today and I fell in love with it.

I think I made it perfectly clear the other day that I've been having emotional melt downs over the fates that I have been handed....the cards I've been dealt.  I am being forced to communicate with my ex....which is ok.  I don't want an enemy and if we can eventually end up friends, that's fine.  But right now I don't want to have to deal with it.  For goodness sake dude, let me heal some before you talk to me about your new girlfriend.  Let me move on a bit and recover.   But that is not the case.  He is a customer where I work....so I am confronted with him frequently and whether he is doing it on purpose or is just obtuse and doesn't realize it....it stings.    Last week the sting got to much.  I melted down and I didn't pick myself back up.  I ate away my troubles.  Of course the troubles didn't go away.    

So this week I am allowing my meltdowns....but I'm staying focused on where I am going......to THIN-VILLE!

I didn't eat perfectly today.  I did however track it all!   Yes, I had leftover pizza for breakfast!  Don't be a hater!  It was tasty!!! Hey, at least it was after I was out and completed a run!   And why yes, I did have a Reece's Cup at work....but it was at least shortly before I went to Step/Toning Zumba! 
Yes, calories tracked and I ran this morning (just shy of two miles) and I did zumba this evening.  Shazaam!  

I may also have forgotten my lunch at home and had to resort to eating at the local eating establishment (I work in a small town...the options are limited.....convenience store food!) 

Not a perfect day (needed more fruits and veggies) but all in all a pretty good day.  Because while I didn't eat perfectly.....I am in control and cognizant!

Got a bit emotional this afternoon.....but tamped it down.  Ok ok ok, I was emotional until I got to zumba and then I kinda forgot to be emotional as I stomped out the feelings.  So I didn't feed my emotions today!    I zumba'd my emotions!  YAY  Another victory!

And just because people keep telling me to just 'get over it' and to 'forget about it all' and 'he is showing his true colors"  this statement is for them.   And yes, I know it's because people don't know what to say to me as I deal with my heartbreak, loneliness and pain at having all of my dreams, hopes and love shattered. And I am glad for their support......TOTALLY glad.  But still...this is perfect and fits my mood during my meltdowns!

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Sunburn City

Last Monday I took the day off from work.....yes, I stayed 'home' sick.  It was a mental health day.  My friend Paula and I went into DC for the day.   The Cherry Blossoms were in full bloom and they were absolutely gorgeous!!!!!!!!!   We walked well over 10 miles and it felt great!

UP close and personal with the Cherry Blossoms

  I did end up with a bit of a sunburn.....so I had to tell my co-workers that I was just feverish!  ha ha ha.  They laughed because they knew it was a day for me to get away and decompress.....or rather try to decompress.

The Weather was GORGEOUS!  Perfect day to hit up all sorts of the outdoor monuments.  We hit up The Vietnam Memorial, The Korean War Memorial, Lincoln Memorial, Haines Point, Washington Monument, The DC War Memorial, The Signers of the Declaration of Independence Memorial, And I am sure some more!

Paula and I
Cherry Blossoms and Moi

 I went back to work on Tuesday and it was just a rough week.  I'm not sure why my emotions were all over the place...but they were.  Just brutal.   And yes, I ate.  I ate like a pig.  GAH!  Why do I do it to myself??????

Friday I came to a conclusion.  I have to do something.  I'm miserable with my weight and I'm just not happy.  My inclination is to go back to Weight Watchers.  Seriously, the accountability, the meetings, the support worked for me before.  But I am tight on money (singlehood is rough on my paycheck).  I hate to spend the money.   SO I decided that I need to track my food.  I also need to actually work at it. If I am tracking and or lose (either/or) each week I will put money into my 'play fund account.....vacation money!)  This way the money is still staying with ME....and I have motivation.  If it doesn' work,  I start weight watchers!

Saturday came and I was feeling a bit sorry for myself and my friend Paula got me up and moving.   This time we hiked up to Maryland Heights.  It's a gorgeous overlook.  Yes, overlook....which means walking up hill for an hour and twenty minutes!  I'm a big girl.  The last time I went up to Maryland Heights I was at my lowest weight and it was still a hard climb but not brutal.  My current weight.....BRUTAL!  But I did it!    I also tracked my food all day! (even though the hike up and back down the mountain netted me just under 2000 earned calories!)

Harpers Ferry down below!

We felt so awesome after our hike on Saturday that we decided to repeat it (with something a little less strenuous though!)   So we headed down to Great Falls, on the Potomac, Maryland side.  We hiked on the canal....and we went out to the falls.  The lack of mountains didn't net us as many calories, but it did earn me 1000 calories. 
Potomac River behind and below me (probably 50 feet below where I was standing)

A gorge where the water was rushing through

I may or may not have a another sunburn upon my return to work.  

I am in the process of rebuilding my life.  It hit me today.  I need to make it an active lifestyle.  I don't want my new lifestyle sitting on a couch.  I want to be up and moving!!!!!

I want it to be a THIN lifestyle!

I don' know how the emotions will play out this upcoming week...but I can hope that they are more calm!!!

So day two of my eating has been tracked.   I haven't eaten the 'best'   I did have Sweet Frog Yogurt after the Mountain yesterday.  (Hey, it was hot!...and I got lowfat and piled on the fresh strawberries!).   I also went out last night and had pizza.  HA HA HA  Today I did have a piece of cheesecake for our late lunch.....so late that dinner didn't happen. (I called the cheesecake the dinner).   Even with those things I didn't eat even half of my exercise calories.  And I feel satisfied!

So here I go!

Monday, April 06, 2015


Today would have been my 13th wedding anniversary.  

My ex made sure I knew he was going away for a few days with his new girlfriend.  (All dressed up in clothes he wouldn't wear for me because they were uncomfortable....)

I've eaten a crapload of food today.   

Think there is a correlation?  

You know, I don't want the loser (I have more colorful names for him too) back.  But I mourn the loss of dreams.  I mourn the loss of what was supposed to be.  I mourn the sadness.   

So I'm allowing myself the candy. (And cookie, and the banana split flurry....)  Today.  But this has to end.  He is not worth eating myself back up to an astronomical weight!!!!!!

Thursday, April 02, 2015

Not what I wanted

Last weekend was the Cooper River Bridge 10K in Charleston, SC.  I registered for this race back in December (it had been planned through since summer).   I just didn't train for it....so a few weeks back I started a mad dash to be ready to run this 10k.  I actually did it.  Two weeks before the run I was able to complete a 5.5 mile run.  It was slow but I did it.  Two days later, I twisted my ankle in a step zumba class and thus began the pain in my ankle.

I was determined to still do this 10k.....as I had already paid for the run and the hotel.   I rested the foot and hoped for the best.

On the Bridge
The bridge that I crossed is on the backdrop
It was cold...being the northern girl that I am I braved it.....my friend Sue cut holes in socks o use as gloves.
When the day came I made an executive decision.  I dropped back into a walkers corral with my friend and decided to walk it.   Totally not what I wanted.  Absolutely disappointing.  100% the best decision for me.      Watch out Cooper River Bridge Run....I WILL run you sooner or later!

It was still fun to walk this race.

Sooooooo.......this was my first 'huge' race experience.  The cap the registration at 40,000 participants.    I knew it was big but I really didn't think about the scope of soooo many people.

People as far as the eye could see

So here is my Charleston, SC weekend in pictures.

Food:   SOOO Delicious....

Sight Seeing:

Old Churches

Historic Roads (and me)

Old Graveyards

Old theaters 

City Market

Old Houses

Fort Sumter