When I separated from my then husband, I had grand plans. I was going to use my first year as a time of healing, regrowth, renewal and so much more. I was going to get my life straight. I was going to fix the wrongs and take no prisoners on my way to health and happiness.
I had lofty plans. I would run religiously, increasing my endurance and pace. I was going to lose this weight once and for all! I had made promises to myself and God. I had plans and a vision. And then something happened.
I didn't really take the reigns of my health. I was ambivalent toward the plans and changes that I wanted to enact.
I actually gained weight....and I have been spotty at best with my running (much better in the last few months...even with pneumonia). I have just been floating along. No more! It's time to do something about it. (I actually started getting myself back on track a few months back.....but it wasn't until just the last week or so that I thought about those plans and dreams that I had made in the midst of the turmoil of my life). So lets start at the beginning:
When I decided to run the half marathon, I vowed that there was no way that I was going to condition myself to run that many miles and then let my efforts totally slip away to nothing. And when I say nothing, I mean to have to start back at scratch struggling to run a single mile next spring. I had decided that I would look into buying a treadmill come fall. I even told my mother that she had better clear a spot in the spare bedroom because I planned to set up shop in there! I did give her a small out by saying "Or I'll have to join a gym." As I ran into some knee issues, I knew that the gym was going to probably be the best bet. It would give me the treadmill to allow me to put running miles on my legs to keep my conditioning up (Yeah, I can run 4 miles without stopping....probably more right now and I do NOT want to lose that!) but it would also give me options for low impact exercise for the days when my knees are really aching! I would still like to get a treadmill for the house (sorry mom!) but at this time I just can't afford one.....(ok, maybe if I didn't keep spending my fun money on trips!) Anyway, I am keeping my ear to the ground for a cheap or fee used one!
So thus began the dithering in my mind. The YMCA is only about a mile from my house. That would give me a pool, classes, and gym equipment. But crazy....they are so expensive (and well, I've heard people having problems with the water cleanliness in that pool....eh, not worth it at this time). I knocked them off the list pretty quickly. Next up was Gold's Gym. They are about 1.2 miles from my house. $20 a month. They offer classes and the gym equipment. I've been a member there twice......and I can honestly say that I have attended exactly TWO classes there the whole time.....(two different membership periods...probably totally 3-4 years in duration) and it was so crowded (and the people attending so snotty) that it was NOT an enjoyable experience. The other viable option that I was looking at was Planet Fitness. Planet Fitness is across town, but literally only a block out of my way from my route to and from work. HANDY. I also had been a member there in the past. We left our membership there because of some perceived slight that my ex felt he received. I didn't have a problem with the place. I could go for $10 a month....no classes. I dithered. I pondered. I debated. Either way I was most likely going to get in my car and drive to the gym. Yes, on many of my runs, I come very near Golds...but if I'm out running I don't have need of a gym. So I knocked that factor out of high importance.....actually I knocked it off the pedestal completely. That left the access to classes. I won't lie....I LOVE my zumba class. Doesn't matter which gym I join, I would still be attending my class (es) at St. Marks with Anita. Experience had showed me that I wouldn't use the classes at the gym....so that became less important....and saving $10 a month became much more attractive! I was leaning toward Planet Fitness.....and then I talked to my Aunt.....she is planning/thinking about rejoining the gym and she would be doing PF (I thought about waiting for her as she pays the $20 option to get her free unlimited tanning...but I do not want to be tied to going when she is going) .......so hey, what the heck...........on Wednesday night, I went and signed up. If I want to enact these changes, I have to make the correct efforts!
I've been doing pretty good with tracking my food (I missed a day during vacation which messed up my streak....boo to that!) But I need to work on making much better choices.....eating for HEALTH and not just calories.
Emotional Healing? For the first few months I put one foot in front of the other and just plodded through life. Healing over the pending divorce was relatively easy, or so I thought. The marriage had been over for quite some time, so it had been possible to put aside any animosity and move on into a friendship with my ex. It was actually pretty easy. And while I had early said "so I thought" that fact still is very much true. The 'so I thought' with the healing comes with the realization that I am very sensitive to the act and thought of cheating. A while back I went to the movies and saw "The Intern". It was labelled as a comedy...and it was anything other than a comedy. I had to fight back tears at one point.....and I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone else that hasn't seen it, but an aspect of the movie is a spouse cheating on the other spouse and the pain involved in that cheating. I was blown over. I really struggled with it. Not because of any anger or latent issues with it, but I don't like the memories of those feelings that I struggled with. It happened again...I was privy to some details of a couple that has had some adultery hit their relationship. It reminds me of the pain and I just want to walk away....I guess it's not a bad thing to be so sensitive to such a horrible sin against a marriage/relationship.
A few months back I had told a friend that I wanted to try her church. It's on the short list of churches that have interested me around town. I kept putting it off though. Half marathon training had me running my long runs on the weekend (and with working every other Saturday morning I delayed trying churches...yeah bad reason) then activities and plans...and whatnot....So that is upcoming in my changes.
Writing. In the midst of everything, I pretty much stopped writing. OH, I wrote my blog posts, but that was about it. For the last few months I've really felt the urge to delve back into writing. I've taken some time to organize some files......to reread some old work....and most importantly, I've read through the novel that I was working on and I've thought quite a bit about it and I'm ready to dive into writing again.
So changes and upgrades to my life are in the works. It's time to take the bull by the horns and really LIVE!