You know...there is a total mental aspect of pushing yourself further, farther and harder. Some days it's easy! Some days it is just the most simplest thing in the world to push myself out of my comfort zone. Some days though...it's difficult!
A few weeks ago I finally watched the documentary "From Fat to Finish Line". It was a pretty good documentary. (The link is to the trailer for the documentary.) it was inspiring and motivating and if you haven't seen it I would recommend it. I had heard about it a while back but it took me a while to actually get off my butt, find it and watch it! There is a point when one of the runners is doing her second leg of the race and she starts to fall apart. There was apparently some medical issues too...but what caught my eye and what made me sit up straighter was how she was falling apart. What I heard (and in fairness to her, it may have just been my impressions of what was happening) was her negative self talk. I can't remember exactly what she said at this point but she was doubting all of the hard work that got her to where she was...simply because she was struggling. For her it was not a 'push yourself kinda day.' Maybe medically she couldn't go on...but I knew in my heart that when she started mumbling 'I cants' and the negativity that mentally she was through for a while!
I saw it happening to her and I knew....why? Because I've been there so many times! I have written so many times about my 'mini me'. The voice in my head that tells me I'm a loser, and that I'm not a runner, and that I should just quit! I remember a run on the canal a few years ago that darn mini me was telling me all sorts of nastiness! I was in tears! And finally I just started screaming out loud telling that darn mini me to shut up!!! And I kept running. It's happened over and over again....sometimes I win...sometimes I fail!
This past weekend I had a moment like that, it was the last day out on our bikes. I had already crashed my bike the day before and we were on a different trail that was even more terrifying to me! (Ironically I'm still more terrified of this trail even more than the trail that I did my face plant on!!). I was in front of Jason riding and that darn 'mini me' voice was just there screaming at me!!!! I started to cry! Not blubbering loud crying...just quiet tears of despair. And then I thought about the documentary....and all the times I've let that darn mini me voice win. And I said 'no'!!!
I was out of my comfort zone but I was going to come out the winner!!! And guess what....I did!!! (Just a little bruised up at the end of the weekend!!!)
So I had my epiphany over the weekend that my health and fitness has to be fixed and I've worked hard this week! I've run twice...and walked quite a few miles! My food intake has been pretty good! I'm out there working it!!!
Today while running I saw another sign that my fitness level had dropped drastically. After exertion it is taking my heart rate longer to recover! No worries...I'll regain that!!!
My run today I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I pushed myself to speed up. Just random and frequent little bursts of speed. 'Light post to light post' and 'telephone pole to telephone pole' toe stuff. But the real victory is that I would set my stopping point...but quite a few times I would talk myself into going further. It's all self talk while I run. 'Oh come on Maryfran, you can make it to the tree, it's only 20 feet past the original goal'. And I did it!!!!! I'm sore now......but I did it!!!!
I've tried to walk more this week also! It helped that the weather has been fantastic!!!!!! It's fun to walk and feed the ducks!!!