Wednesday, June 07, 2017

Defeated

It is Day 7 and my calendar looks good!  I've tracked and drank my water each and every day!!!!    I have been 'active' every day but one.   Yesterday was a simple walk around the park with Jason...but hey it was movement!   The day that I didn't do anything active or 'move' was on Monday.   I had grand plans to come home and mow the yards....push mow.  How active is that?   I made one or two passes in the first back yard and the mower died.  Dead...kerplunk....belly up! We knew the mower was on its deathbed so it wasn't too shocking!  But a new mower was not waiting in the wings....so no mowing for me.  I instead went inside and read the time away!!!

The good news????  
 

Yes I got my road bike from storage!!!! I have pumped up the tires...they seem to be holding air well.  And yes, that is where my bike is going to be stored...I don't use the couch...and should Jason come over for a visit, I will roll the bike over and lean it against a dresser.   And yes, that is my solution to not being given permission to have my bike in the garage at home. (Jason stores my trek with his bike.). Hey, I laid an old sheet over the couch to protect it!!!!

Regardless...I feel utterly defeated.   I know this is a no numbers month....but I am continuing my weigh ins.   And let me say that it wasn't good this morning!!!!   I looked at my calories to find out why I was up 3-4 pounds and my numbers haven't been that bad.

 

And if you net in the exercise....

 

See not bad at all!   My water has been pretty spot on also!!!!

So very defeated.   I'm not giving up.  I'm still going forward with my no numbers month....but I'm concerned!!  

The other defeated feeling and honestly probably the largest portion of the defeatedness is pertaining to my employment. I alluded to this a few months ago...but as time passes I'm going to simply lay it out....because I'm worried.   A month ago they made an announcement about some changes coming to our work place.   They however did not tell us what they will be doing with the employees that will be displaced because of these changes.  We have repeatedly asked our manager and we get the 'I have asked and they say they don't know yet'.   (Uhhh. This change is happening in mid July!!).   The closest office to us is where we assumed we would be shuffled to...but I have heard that they are saying that that office is over staffed so that most likely leaves that out as an option for any of us.  

I have been applying for positions at other locations in the last month.  A lot of applications.   I usually get nothing in response.   Oh wait, I've gotten two responses.....one was saying 'you don't have the qualifications we needed'. (A four year degree doesn't trump experience in regards to that office secretary position apparently.   But hey, I knew I didn't have the "preferred experience" and decided to submit anyway!    And the other response was a form letter that said 'due to the high volume of applications we will only be responding to the 'chosen few'.  (Yes I paraphrased the 'chosen few' line!)    Also understandable.    Did I mention that I got only two responses out of maybe 50 applications?  (Maybe some are in the mail.)  That fills one with a huge sense of defeat.  Course maybe straight up rejects would be worse.  Hahahaha (At least I'm laughing right?)"

Defeat....what fun!!!

But you know what??   

*** I am still applying for all sorts of positions....because the right job is out there.  Out there somewhere  is a job that I will love.  Out there somewhere  is a job that will pay me enough so that I can stop relying on the generosity of my family for my living accommodations.  Out there somewhere is the perfect job for me!!!!

***I am still tracking my food....because regardless of what the scales say, tracking my food is good because it allows me to see what I'm eating and make adjustments as I move toward a healthier life!

***I am still guzzling water...because it's good for me even if it didn't help the number on the scales!

***Regardless of the number on the scale, I am still running and moving....because I want to live and be healthy!!!!

And yes...I ran this morning.....

 
I even made money on the deal!!!!

 

Why yes I stopped running for a few seconds to pick up the quarter!!!  Two weeks ago I slowed down to pick up a penny!!!!  I got a raise today!!!

So I'm not giving up....I'm fighting the urge to give up.   There are great things in store for me, I just have to push through to get to them!!!!

9 comments:

jesseybell said...

I am so sorry that the scale was up despite your great efforts.

I know I've said this before, but 1,200 seems like an insanely low amount of calories.

I got the Lose It app to try counting calories. They only had the option of 1 lb per week or 1/2 a lb a week - when really what i want is 3/4 a pound a week (3 lbs a month). I started out with 1/2 a lb but they had my goal being way too far out. So I put in 1 lb a week and they have me at 1900 calories a day (1/2 lb was like 2200 calories a day).

Sarah said...

Good things are ahead, just hang on there! The job situation is frustrating. I understand. I love being home but if I were working, things would be easier. At the moment that is not an option due to pending surgeries and my work comp case. The doctor has put me on "can not return to work" status. It's been three years already!

You are doing great with your no numbers month. I think it will be worth it to complete the month as planned.

Shelley said...

I'm sorry you're feeling so defeated. I hope you find a new job soon - all it takes is one good hit with the applications, but it sure is hard to be patient before that happens.

For what it's worth, I never use exercise to offset my food - I think that the "burn factor" is greatly exaggerated for most of us, so I don't factor that in.

Desiree' 2.0 said...

Ok 2 things right off. And don't take this the wrong way but I really think you are not eating enough. I know you are stressing about the job and that's totally understandable. I try to eat between 1500-1800 cal per day and I don't eat my calories back. That's just me though.
Also, if you are going no numbers, why not use this month to give up the scale too? Focus on just those three little things. The food logging, the exercising and the water. As a woman on any given day you can see a +4/-4 pound gain. That's just how it goes and yes, it sucks.

Hang in there! Better days are ahead, but you are on the right track!

Desiree' 2.0 said...

Ok scratch my comment about the not eating enough, I was looking at the wrong chart LOL.

Seaside Dreams said...

Just keep swimming you'll get there. It is always darkest before the storm but when that storm ends oh how it shines.

Anna said...

Job hunting is the worst! I hope you strike an opportunity soon. As far as the health/fitness goes, maybe since you are not going by the numbers you could focus on how the things you are doing make you feel. Do you meals give you sustained energy - if not, look at some tweaks in food as fuel. Do you workouts/hikes/activity make you feel strong and confident? Then work from there. Okay, I said that cause that is kinda what I am trying to do - eat things that make my body feel good and help me get through these workouts. Hang in there!

TheAgonyOfBeingFat said...

I choose to believe that the quarter is a sign of bigger, better things for you ahead! The world is your oyster :)

jen said...


Keep the positive attitude up....smile....better things are yours in the future...