Inspiration not Aspiration

I had an epiphany the other day.  It came about quite naturally but it really does go hand in hand with the soul searching I have been doing lately and with the lessons that I learned from completing the 75 Hard.   So let me break down the two facets of my epiphany the soul searching and the inspiration and then I will wrap it up into my thoughts going forward. 

The first part of the equation of my epiphany is the thought processes that have been going through my mind in regards to the amazing accomplishment of actually completing the 75 hard and the internal knowledge that the challenge worked for me and that I felt that I needed to find a new challenge  in order to keep my motivation rolling in a positive direction.   I devised a plan to carry my motivation and habits through the month of April, I was going to have 'One Month of Winning."   I was going to slay the month of April.   But life happened and I got sidetracked.  One month of winning was not a win.  It was more a month of recovery and discovery.   Undaunted I decided that May was going to be my A-May-Zing month.   Corny or Catchy, who knows but I was excited to start.   By May 5th the month's plans were no longer a-may-zing.  I had devised my plan for May with room for imperfection.  I was aiming for an 80-20 thing, 80% perfection and the other 20%, well that could be as good as I could make it.   But by May 5th I was operating at pretty much Zero percent perfection.  It was NOT going well.   My cutely (corny) named monthly plans failed me.   It was a challenge but something happened and it just didn't motivate me.  Seriously, I couldn't even make it 5 days in May....yet I made it 75 days for the 75 hard challenge.   This made me think about what really motivates me, what kind of challenge works for me.  I was thinking....pondering.....debating in my head.  I was no closer to an answer when I stumbled upon the other facet that brought about my epiphany. 

Years ago Jason and I watched a documentary.  (How in the world can I remember this...but it was a day or two before Thanksgiving in 2016 and we were in a hotel in Reading, PA.)  The documentary was called "The Barkley Marathon:  The Race that Eats its Young"   What an amazing documentary, seriously if you haven't seen it.....I highly recommend it.   Through the ensuing years I've kept a loose watch on the Barkley Marathon. I've watched a few more documentaries and kept an eye on the results each year.  Apparently I didn't do it in 2024....because 2024 was huge and I didn't learn about it until just this week.  First of all there were 5 finishers!   That in itself is amazing in a race that has been around since 1986 but only has 20 (now) people that have can claim to have finished the race.  But the bigger thing......for the first time EVER a woman  finished the Barkley!  I read the reports and watched new documentaries.  I also looked up the results for 2025, which had no winners.  In fact only one person made it 3/5 of the way through the Barkley in 2025.    This race has been noted to be a race that pushes people past their limits to really see what someone is made of.  The race that truly is ALL about the will of human nature.   

Rediscovering the Barkley Marathon was truly inspirational for me.   While I have absolutely no aspiration to run the Barkley Marathon, it did remind me of how much I used to enjoy running.  It made me think about how running was something that was a challenge for me.  I was always trying to best myself.  Yes, I was in a competition with myself....always looking to be faster, go further...or sometimes just do it because it made me a bad ass!  I didn't have talent and I was never super fast, but I had the will to do it!

So on Tuesday, May 6th I went out and took my first run in about 2 years.  Let me tell you, it was not pretty.  It was not graceful.  It was certainly not fast.  In fact, I restarted a training program where I am doing walk/run intervals and let me tell you, those 60 second run intervals were tough!  But I completed it.

I came home and pulled up the stats from when I did the same program a few years back.   I was comforted to see that my stats were almost exactly the same.....at least I didn't get worse!  But at the same time, I was disgusted to be back at the beginning once again.   I also looked at some of my race reports from about 10 -12 years ago.  You can link to all of those posts here.   I am in inspired.

  I have looked at a few 5K races/runs that are upcoming in my area.   I am actually toying with doing the Donut Alley Rally in Hagerstown which is held on a Friday night in early August.  That gives me 3 months to be in 5K race ready.  (My goal has always been to complete a race and NOT be the last one to cross the finish line.) The main reason I have not pulled the trigger on an entry fee is the fact that I still to not have a job.  I HOPE to have one by then though....and while I hope to be working day shift.....I honestly don't know what my schedule may be and obviously if I get a job a job will come first.  If that doesn't work, I have a few other 5k's on my radar ....one in September, one in October and one in November, so I do have some back ups should I decide to test my mettle with a 5K. 

 I am making no promises about this 'challenge' and quest to get back into running.   I  have made too many claims about this challenge or that challenge.  But I will say this.....  I like running because I am in competition with myself and no one else.  I like running because it is as simple as me completing my training runs and knowing that putting in the time really is all that is needed.  (Well and a good pair of tennis shoes.).  With running I am in control of my progress.    And it's time to take control and get-a-running!

 

 

 

 

 

  

365 Pictures : Days 175-182

 I finished up April Strong with my quest to take at least one picture every day....still a lot of dog pictures, but hey, it's still a picture and it's still my day!  

Day 175 4.23.25

Zoey was enoying some apple slices (with cinnamon). 

Day 176 4.24.25

Jason was on antibiotics that were messing with his stomach, so I ran to the store to pick up some probiotics!

Day 177 4.25.25

Time to share some of my fruit snack with the bird!

Day 178 4.26.25

Little Mertz doesn't get to have her picture taken often!   Today was the day!

Day 179 4.27.25

I swear, this dog is so lazy!

Day 180 4.28.25

Another day of working on the computer while the dog is a lazy bum!

Day 181 4.29.25

Yup, this is what the dog does all day long!  (And yes, she sleeps the night away also!)

Day 182 4.30.25

She wanted to go out so she stood at my side and barked at me until I took her outside.  No, not to potty, she just wanted to go outside to play!

 

A-MAY-Zing May

 Welcome to A-May-Zing May.  Catchy huh?   Ok, I admit, it's a bit corny, but hey, that's just who I am!  But regardless, I am going to try to make May my most amazing month yet!

Before we can get into May though, lets talk a bit about April.   April did not go as I had planned.  I finished off that 75 Hard challenge early in April and I was gung ho!  I was going to carry on with those habits that I had set and I was going to rock out April.   I even called it my 'one month of winning'.  Except that I didn't quite have  month of winning.  My plans got shot to smithereens the moment I got sick.  I should have only lost one week to being sick.  However, I struggled to get my mojo back after being sick.  Exercise at 5AM never recommenced.   Water consumption was slow to pick back up.  Afternoon walks were non existent.  I tracked very little of what I ate.  Naps became a common occurrence and probably the worst thing of all was the addition of TV into my daily routine.  Yes, the person that used to never turn on the tv while home alone now turned (turns) on the tv at any chance! It was a disaster waiting to happen. It wasn't a stellar month in terms of my efforts.

What WAS a success is the fact that I did manage to lose 8 pounds. (Or should I say I managed to maintain 8 of the 12 pounds I lost while I was sick.)   I managed this simply because after I was sick and my involuntary fast of 3-4 days that I was much more in tune with my bodies signals in terms of hunger and fullness.   I started to notice that I wasn't hungry half of the time when I was eating.  I was eating because it was 'lunchtime' or because I was bored.  I also started to notice that I could feel my body telling me that I was getting full and to stop eating.    I have long struggled with these feelings and signals and it was a 'weird' thing for me to experience.   But I really stopped to listen.  I really stopped and tried to heed these signals.  I won't say I was successful all the time, but I can say that I really think I made some positive steps toward being more cognizant.   For that reason alone, I call April a somewhat successful month.  

 

So as April came to a close I started to really think about where I was.  I'm happy with the 8 pounds, but I need to lose a whole lot more than 8 pounds!  I know I can do it and I know that May can be A-May-Zing for me.  But if I want it to be amazing, I need to stop being loosey-goosey with my health practices and get serious.   For a hot fleeting moment I thought about doing another 75 hard.  But before the thought was even fully in my head I knew that this was not the time for that.  Instead I decided to focus on basic principals and to not even focus on them 7 days a week!   I decided to go for the sustainable route for this month.  So here are my plans!

1. Steps.   My goal is 5,000 steps daily.  I have been watching a lot of tv.  You don't get steps when you watch TV, so my step count has been somewhat lower in April.  It's time to work on it.   Sure I WANTED to say I would do 10K  but I am going for sustainable so for now it is 5K steps for six days of the week.  Yes, I am giving myself a pass one day of the week.  It's the first of the month as I write this, of course I am in the back of my head thinking "I really want to do it each day, but I also know that the moment I miss a day I will give up because all will be lost.  It's an all or nothing mentality.  SO 6 days a week....just 5K steps.  That's it!

2. Water.  Of course water is going to be part of this challenge. The goal, 64 ounces a day.....or should I say 64 ounces of water 6 days of the week.   If it's 7, awesome.  If it's 6 that is still a great, and still puts me right there at the 80% perfect mark.

3.  Calories.  I need to start tracking  my calories.  I am aiming for 1400-1500 calories daily.....or should I say 6 days a week. :-)

4.  I am going to be doing some intermittent fasting during the month.  5 days a week I want to do a 16:8 fast.   I will be fasting from dinner until lunch the next day......at least 5 days a week.  

 So you can see, there isn't anything  earth shattering about my plans.  If I feel motivated, I can definitely add some formal exercise. But if I get my steps from working outside that's still good.   If I want, I can do more steps.  I can even eat lower calories or drink more water.  But if I follow my plan, I will have taken some great strides toward being healthy.

365 PIctures Day 163 to 174

Wow, my pictures were all pretty much centered around the dog in this installment.  However, I am not surprised, I have had a very lazy April!

 

Day 163  4.10.2025 

I couldn't help but take a picture of the dog as she laid stretched out on the couch.  I was sitting across the room working on my laptop and well......she is just too cute!

Day 164  4.11.2025

This dog.....what can I say, this must be her favorite position to sleep in!  And yes, she lets all her privates hang out for the world to see!

Day 165  4.12.2025

 I finally felt well enough to actually get completely dressed and leave the house! Admittedly, it felt good to have the sun on my face!

Day 166  4.13.2025

 I have been desperately needing a pair of tennis shoes so we went shopping!  I found some at one of the shoe places at the mall.  Jason couldn't help trying on a pair of shoes (they were sparkly and we were laughing because they were TOTALLY not him....but it made us giggle!)

Day 167  4.14.2025

 This dog is a hambone!  She always has to be the center of attention!

Day 168  4.15.2025

 Nothing like a slobbery dog tongue and face coming at you!

Day 169  4.16.2025

How do you expect me to work on my computer when this is what is staring me in the eye?

Day 170 4.17.2025

She loves when I sit on the chair right beside the couch because she can put her nose on my chair and into my space....because she certainly has no clue about personal space!

Day 171 4.18.2025

A wee little walk outside!

Day 172 4.19.2025

I had to go to the banks while Jason was working....I didn't want to go alone so I took my trusty pal Zoey!

 

Day 173 4.20.2025

I swear my blanket fell off my lap and was on the floor for less than a minute before this dog came charging over and commandeered them for her own use.

Day 174 4.21.2025

When it is just about the time for Jason to come home from work, this dog goes out and lays in the yard staring at the driveway waiting for her 'daddy'.

Day 175 4.22.2025

Mom's house is on the market.  We have finished the seemingly never ending process of emptying the house of it's contents, we have finished painting, putting new carpet and cleaning and it is for sale.  It is bittersweet.

 

High to Low

I was sure that April was going to be a good month for me.  There was no way it wouldn't be a good month.  I finished up the 75 hard strong within the first days of the month I had a plan for April and I had great habits set to have an amazing month.  

And then things went south.  I ended up getting a bad stomach bug.  It pretty much knocked me flat for about a week.  That week was enough to cause a major upheaval in those wonderful habits that I had set up for myself.

What habits were in place that I have totally forsaken?   Water is one of them.   I was in the habit of drinking a fair amount of water.  It wasn't always easy, but I did it..   After I was sick I was lucky to get 8-10 ounces.  I just wasn't thinking about it and well it just didn't happen.  Another habit was the exercise.   I had been exercising religiously in the morning at 5AM.  I haven't done it once since being sick.  Outdoor walks, you know when I typically end up walking in a graveyard?   Yeah, that hasn't happened either....not once!    

 

Furthermore, I picked up some bad habits!    The worst two days of being sick I was so sick that I didn't read or even watch tv.  But after I started to feel a bit better I turned on the tv.   I NEVER turn on the tv during the day.  But I did because I was sick.....and the TV has been on almost every day since then.  The second bad habit?   Naps.  I take a LOT of naps!   SERIOUS naps too. Not just 15-20 minutes.  NO I am sleeping 3-4 hours.  (And don't worry, I still sleep at night).

 So things were not going well.  And then something else happened.   I started to get mad amounts of rejection letters to the job applications that I have out.  Seriously, an undue amount of rejections.   Couple that with the definitive lack of interest in my application and my already tenuous grip on my emotional well being crumbled.  I stopped doing pretty much anything.  I would still look for a job and submitted quite a few applications.  But other than that, I did nothing.   

It was a bad combination.....good habits broken...bad habits started and a small touch of depression (pity party if you want to call it that.)

Midway through last week I promised myself that after my time job hunting (which I typically do during my first part of the day) that I was going to get stuff done.   But I kept falling asleep and not getting anything done.  I am telling you, I was on a really slippy slope!   But, I am proud to  say that I have been turning it around this week.  I have scoured my floors.  I've weeded outside, I've hand washed a quilt.  I have been knocking things off my to do list......and I haven't taken any naps.   (Weirdly enough, I sleep more poorly at night without the naps than I was with the naps....go figure.)    

It feels good to get some things done around the house for sure.  I have been working on my water consumption and while I may not be exactly where I need/want to be, I have made headway in getting more water.   The other things.......they are coming!

 

365 Pictures Days 152 to 162

 Now that summer is here I can hopefully really start to play around more with photography.   Winters are just so.......dark.  Indoor....depressing!

 

Day 152   3.30.25

It was bath day for Zoey!  She was really starting to smell quite 'doggy'.  We think she knew it because when we got to Tractor Supply where we bathe her she was SO excited and she literally jumped into the tub and waited for us.  She smells so clean now!

Day 153   3.31.25

Mertz loves her time with me in the office.  I still go into the office most days and look for jobs and whatnot.   She always comes to visit me on my desk!

Day 154   4.1.25

Another walk outside!   The trees in the graveyard where I most typically walk are full of gorgeous flowers!

Day 155   4.2.25

    I couldn't resist a picture to send to Jason to show the 'fluffy things' at Michael's Craft store.   I was going to put them in my hair but people were watching so I decided to behave....a bit!

 

Day 156   4.3.25

    It seemed like a good day for some caramel corn....which is something Jason loves!

Day 157   4.4.25

            Mertz is so afraid of the dog that she stays out of the living room during the day.  I have decided to carry her out and sit with her on my chair and try to help her gain some confidence.   The dog gets so excited.  They were face to face.  Mertz wasn't happy, but she did well!

Day 158   4.5.25

    Every once in a while I like to take a picture of the dog sitting next to Jason on the floor.  It highlights how much she has grown.

Day 159   4.6.25

    And another cat meets dog under high levels of supervision.  Poor Mertz.  And honestly poor Zoey.  Zoey just wants to play with the little kitty cat so badly!
 

Day 160  4.7.25

    Not a great picture at all......but the best I could do.  I was so sick!  I laid on that couch for 36 hours and only moved to make frequent trips to the bathroom.   I couldn't do anything.  I didn't read.  I didn't watch TV.  I didn't scroll on my phone.  I did nothing!  It was a chore to even pick up my phone, but Jason was at work and kept checking on me so I responded to his texts.....and when he asked how the dog was doing I turned the phone around and snapped this picture.

 

Day 161  4.8.25

    I actually made it to the shower in the mid afternoon.  I even read a little bit!   Still felt pretty crappy though!
 

Day 162  4.9.25

   I still felt like a bus had hit me and backed up to go over me again.  I spent the day on the recliner....reading and watching tv.  The dog laid on the couch and slept!

 

 

I am honestly so surprised that I managed to get a picture for this project while I was sick.  It was not intended for this project and is a horrible picture....but it does aptly show what was happening!  :-)

 

Always a lesson to learn

 Isn't there always a lesson to learn in everything?   I don't think that being sick was any different.  I actually learned or rediscovered three main things.

A Reset

It is a habit for me to step on the scales right before hopping in the shower.   It was no different that first day after I was sick with the flu.   When I first stepped on the scale that day my first thought was  honestly one of elation.   And immediately I was like, "man, I want to keep this weight loss", even though I knew that it was most likely impossible.   But I wanted to hold on to the weight loss because dude, that was hard earned loss! Jason even made the comment that 'well your stomach shrunk'.    That made me really think about what I needed to do to maintain my loss or at least not gain it all back.   

Jason and I even had a talk about it where I readily admitted that I knew that I would put some back on as I started to eat and drink normally again.   He made a comment to me saying, "Well, your stomach has shrunk so I would take advantage of that."   Hmmm, that made me think and I began to wonder.    "Could my stomach have really shrunk in the 2-3  days of fasting that started with the elimination of everything from my body.    

Not one to sit in the unknown, I started to research.   There were two parts of the stomach shrinking story: The first is to start by saying that while it is definitely possible to stretch our stomachs beyond the normal limit of our stomachs, for those who have severe weight problems.  Once they have been stretched past that normal limit it is not possible to shrink them back to the original/normal size.  But secondly, our stomach's are always stretching and shrinking as it does the job that it is intended to do, so yes, it does  technically shrink when we don't eat....it shrinks back to it's current normal size.   Is there anything we can do manually/physically to cause it to shrink any more than the normal process and the answer is no. 

So I didn't shrink my stomach. (Waaaaaaaa) It is possible to shrink my stomach to the lowest 'current' normal though.  And that I did for sure.   The one article I read did talk about a side affect of shrinking the stomach and having an empty stomach.  That side effect was the fact that an empty 'shrunken' stomach is more capable of emitting and transmitting the signals to my body that tell me when I am hungry and when I am satisfied. (Don't worry they gave long discussions about the hormones involved and the secretions from the stomach lining and all that gobbly gook to make it official.)

That made sense to me.  When I started to eat I noticed that I would eat just a bit and my stomach would start to notify me that it was done.   Let me tell you, I don't get that feeling often! I also rarely feel the hunger pang when it's time to eat.   I never let my stomach empty enough to get there.   This week I have gotten that feeling and in my fear of getting sick again I have stopped!  And you know what, it kinda feels good to listen to my body.  

Are you Really Hungry

Hand in hand with the last thing I learned was something that these newfound (rediscovered maybe) feelings of hunger and satiation taught me.   That big lesson is that I need a lot less food in order to feel satisfied.  Yes.  A lot less!    That fear of being sick and actually eating slow and listening to my body has made me stop eating a lot earlier than I normally would have.  And I have been absolutely fine.  I haven't been wracked with hunger pains.  I haven't felt anything negative.  I have been absolutely fine!   Furthermore, I have tried to not eat again until my stomach actually starts to feel a little 'hunger pangy'.  Which means I don't just eat at noon because it's lunchtime.  It's an interesting feeling.

It's a Good Thing

Yeah, don't call me Martha Stewart who used (may still use it or all I know) that as her tag line. But, being sick may have been a good thing......for my knee.  I had been having huge issues with my knee for the last half of my attempt to do the 75 Hard challenge.  I have limped around. I have moaned and groaned even as I try to get into a comfortable position to sleep.  But I didn't let up for even one, I was in a 75 day challenge you know.   I pushed through the pain.  I knew it was arthritis and that I wasn't doing more damage to it, so I felt ok pushing.   The challenge ended and I didn't want to lose what I had gained in terms of exercise.   So I kept exercising daily.   I did follow my plan for April and did some days of strength training but I was still working out.  The week I was sick I dind't exercise.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.  (And I don't feel bad about it either).   BY the end of the week I could feel a difference in my knee!  I still have twinges, but it is just that, a twinge and not any real pain!  YAY!

I love the three major discoveries that I made.  It is my hope and plan to hang oneo them and continue letting my stomach have time to shrink enough between meals to allow my body to pick up on the signals.  I plan on listening to those signals.  And I hope to carry these as good lessons and thoughts through the rest of my "One Month of Winning."