Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Where I'm at

I'm not in a good place.  I am disgusted with myself.  I'm saddened by the fact that I did something that I swore I would never do (regain the weight).  I'm mad at my body for the signs and symptoms that the added weight have returned to me.  I'm angry at the addiction that seems to take over.   But in the same breath, I feel anger at myself for not being able to control my addiction.

I think what makes it worse is that I've felt the taste of thinness.  I've felt what it feels like to live without weight related aches and pains.  I've tasted the the sweetness and I want it back!!!!!

My eating has actually been within my points range both on Monday and Tuesday.  Admittedly, Monday while it had lots of fruits and veggies was a little heavy on carbs.  Tuesday, I got in an hour of tennis and an hour of zumba.....but I had a really late dinner (9PM).  But I was within my points allotment for the day. So taht's good.   I'm trying!  I hope that I can see some progress on the scales SOON!

11 comments:

bbubblyb said...

I know how you feel MaryFran we've all been at that place where we don't seem able to get to where we want to be. My suggestion is therapy. I know it helped me SOOOO much and not just with the weight because really it isn't about the weight or the food. *hugs*

VRaz60 said...

Boy! I am right there with you. I've been feeling sorry for myself, but I think I need to just kick myself in the rear and get back to it. You can do it, too, I just know you can.

spunkysuzi said...

"hugs" sometimes it's such a hard journey!! And yes i've been at goal before and know how good i feel there, but i've let myself slip back into bad habits and i'm trying to get back there again!

Sonya @ Eyes on the Hourglass said...

I totally understand how you are feeling. I've been there, and it sucks. I'm just catching up on your blog, but maybe dig a little deeper and try to figure out what has been going on lately that is triggering your food addiction to take over again. It's usually not the obvious (hence why you need a big shovel to dig deep!).

Good for you for getting back to tracking though. Keep it going! You can do it....you've done it before!

Anita said...

Forgive yourself. Let go of perfection. Gains are a normal part of a weight loss effort. I don't know anyone who doesn't have their ups and downs.
Try not to "hate" your body; it's the only one you have. There must be good things about it.
Take a deep breath, several, in fact, and breathe in peace. Anger is not helpful. (But I've been there, I've been through these stages. Who hasn't?)
How huge a part of your life is the weight, compared to other things that are going on?
I'm glad your final paragraph was focusing more on the positives. That's what we've got to think about.

Shelley said...

I hear your frustration - been there, done that so many times. It's hard to know that you are back "there" but at least you know you are capable of losing the weight, and you will. Hang in there - hope you have a great losing week!

kentucky girl said...

Hi! I'm a new follower! I can definitely relate to the struggle of losing weight and trying to keep it off. The journey to health and weight loss can be so tough. Hang in there!!

http://kygirlmarissa.blogspot.com/

Toyin O. said...

Way to go. You will see progress; it comes with time.

http://youcanfacetodaybecausehelives.blogspot.com/

Josie said...

(((hugs)))

It's such a horrible feeling to have gained back what took so much hard work to lose. I gained too, but the good thing is that at least now we KNOW it's possible to lose it...I have all the faith in the world that you'll do just that! You are a strong, inspiring woman, please know that :)

Sonya @ Eyes on the Hourglass said...

just checking in...how you feeling now?

F. McButter Pants said...

Where are you?? Missing you. Hope all is well.