Moving onward to Wednesday. Yesterday's eating was right on track! Zumba about kicked my butt. Oh my word the toning....one song we held a squat for the WHOLE STINKIN' SONG! while we worked out our arms, which incidentally felt like they were going to drop from my body like a lead weight....I wasn't sure what hurt worse..the legs or the arms, it went back and forth...pure torture. I'm surprised I'm able to type this morning, because I was sure that my arms dropped off my body and fell to the ground and twitched for a while after we were done. Seriously. Ok, I loved it....what helps me make it through? Mental talk.
When I'm in the middle of a particularly rough workout I have one sentence that goes through my head. And that sentence, ~~drum roll please~~ Nothing hurts worse than fat feels. Ohh I sometimes change it a bit to be a bit more personalized to the moment..but the same concept. Fat hurts sooo much. Fat physically hurts, it make my knees ache, it causes me to have stomach problems it makes me sluggish and just miserable. But fat also hurts emotionally. I lack self confidence....I realized this on Sunday (more on that in the next paragraph). That hurts. The pain of a workout is TEMPORARY. ohhh after the squat song was done and my body had a few minutes rest, I was fine. After I picked up my arms off the floor and reattached them, I was peachy fine. I knew I would be....so I kept saying "NOTHING HURTS WORSE THAN FAT FEELS.....this is only temporary, fat is forever" I pushed through it.
Sunday I figured out I really lack self confidence because of my weight. I had my camera at a concert. I actually DID get some really awesome pictures (zoom lens is an awesome thing). But there were a few people that were up and moving around and taking pictures from all over the theater. (unobtrusively..but I noticed because...well....because I like photography). I knew that I could have gotten my arse out of the seat and moved forward to take a pic or two. But I didn't...and looking closely at my motivation, or lack there of I realize that it was because I feel fat and I feel like everyone is going to look at me and say "what's that fat chick up there doing". I let my weight dictate something that I dearly love to do. No more!
Fat feels horrible.
Fat is hurting me.
Fat is no longer welcome here.
Fat, your days on my body are numbered, so live it up now......you WILL be gone.