tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-205952272024-03-18T20:18:32.266-05:00Belief in myself!I’m Maryfran, a down to earth, open and honest writer who has had incredible success with weight loss (150 pounds) and also a regain. I’m currently on a weight loss journey and working to lose my weight. I write a little about everything....life is so interconnected and all encompassing! Belief is the key to success in life and how I came up with my name for my sites! Believe!MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.comBlogger2577125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-81048931281827704012024-03-15T07:39:00.001-05:002024-03-15T07:39:20.454-05:00It's 4 AM you Ninny!<p>I was in the middle of writing a long post about the urge to give up, updates on life, beekeeping and all things my life, health and happiness yesterday and I stepped away from the computer and poof, it was gone! ~~deep sigh~~ So here I am again! This time on the computer (I was writing it previously on my phone). This post is not getting away from me!</p><p><b>I'm Not Giving up</b><br />The last two weeks have been a real struggle. I have been so frustrated with my weight loss efforts. Ok, not really with my efforts. I'm frustrated with the numbers on the scale, how I feel and how my clothes fit.I have been for the last few weeks eating about 1500 calories. I've been exercising. I've been doing it! Yet I'm not losing and in fact I may even have gained a pound or two. Talk about frustrating! So I reevaluated where I am and what I'm doing. I looked back to what I have been doing in the past when I have been successful. I came up with two things. Cut calories and lower my intake of carbs.</p><p>I talked in my <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2024/03/frustrated-and-fighting-urge-to-give-up.html">last post </a>about the carbs already. I know that I can have 1 serving of bread/pasta/potatoes a day. I've known this for a while. Yet it seems so innocent to just have a small sandwich at lunch. Seriously, it's just a sandwich. However, that is true, except that I don't cut my complex carb from dinner. I'm within my calories so no harm done right? However, that is not right. For me this doesn't work. So back to limiting. I'm ok with limiting, it allows me to have my much loved carbs but still lose. (Oh heavens, I hope that this rule never changes!) I have been working to enact this change.<br /></p><p>The second thing that I am working to change is my calorie count. I have been eating about 1500 calories. I have LONG known that this doesn't work for me, yet I keep bumping my calories to that 1500 level. 1200 calories is where I need to be. Yes, I know that seems low, but this has been tested time and time again in my life. I first discovered it while I was losing with weight watchers. Every time I tried to eat all of my weekly points, I would maintain or even gain. Likewise, if I tried to eat my 'earned points' (earned through exercise) I would gain. I had to keep my calories at the lower level. I've encountered this numerous more times over the years. In terms of calories 1200-1300 calories is my magic. That's not a lot of calories! So naturally more calories creep in...and if it's just a random day of 1500 calories I'm ok. But when one day turns into 2 or 3 or weeks worth, then I don't lose! So I'm getting strict again about keeping it at 1200! </p><p>It's working! Not fast, but I'm seeing the trend on the scales going down.</p><p><b>Exercise</b></p><p>Exercise has been really rough this week. The alarm goes off at 5AM and I have only been able to muster up the gumption to exercise 2 times out of the last 5 days. I've been just so tired, so sluggish and so unmotivated. It wasn't until about midway through the week that it hit me. The time change! My body has been screaming at me. It's been saying "It's 4AM you ninny!" It doesn't seem like a huge difference but 4AM is sooo much worse than 5AM (and 5 AM isn't fun either!)</p><p><b>Beekeeping Class</b></p><p>I went to my second night of beekeeping class. It is quite enjoyable. Ok, I love learning new things, so I didn't expect it to be anything else. However, I almost let my fear of trying something new keep me from it, but the fear was more "where to go, how to find it," etc and not fear about learning something new. I'm glad I didn't let my fear win. </p><p>Are we ready to pull the trigger on purchasing the set up and the bees? Yeah, I think I am. Sure, I"m scared senseless about the prospect but I'm ready. What may hold me up is finances and time. It will be a bit of outlay of expenses this year, and not sure we can swing it! Secondly, there is time. Ok, not really time, but the timing of all of this. Shipments of bees are happening literally in 2 weeks. Some places are already 'out' of bees to purchase. So being ready at the right time may not happen. But we will be ready for next year it not.</p><p><b>Weekend</b></p><p>We have a busy weekend planned. We HAVE to get those bare root <a href="https://amzn.to/48YbOtd">trees</a> and <a href="https://amzn.to/3wVYKqP">plants</a> into the ground. We don't want them to move out of their dormant state! This is a grocery week. It is also a week to clean the bird cage. There are also a few other things that may or may not be happening!</p><p><b>Recipe Project</b></p><p>I have been working diligently on my mothers recipes. This has been a much bigger project than I first thought when I took on the project. So what is the project? Gathering all of my mothers recipes, digitizing them and compiling them together. Sounds easy and quick right? NO, it has been huge! Some recipes that are near impossible to read. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_YnaVE49cwrtqiThgn_hhaWILHS9NFpJOdePDgFsJfcAabcDP4G9UNJrbUTcw82Ck1lYF-sxq0S8thpHJlEDm-031E4xsJ7ZFOK1GiEP2KWaTtgG_NpRF2Fi-UUmW3eU-Zu0eqDokOLQcICD4nay9KY7P7DKgVO9td4tgjDAKLmFuRuRQAT_B/s595/recipe.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="595" data-original-width="504" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_YnaVE49cwrtqiThgn_hhaWILHS9NFpJOdePDgFsJfcAabcDP4G9UNJrbUTcw82Ck1lYF-sxq0S8thpHJlEDm-031E4xsJ7ZFOK1GiEP2KWaTtgG_NpRF2Fi-UUmW3eU-Zu0eqDokOLQcICD4nay9KY7P7DKgVO9td4tgjDAKLmFuRuRQAT_B/w168-h199/recipe.jpg" width="168" /></a></div><br /><p>But that wasn't what made it a huge task. What made it difficult was the fact that mom never settled on any one organization system for her recipes. She had grand ideas though. My oldest nephew and I have worked on cookbooks, baking magazines and recipes a few times together and we have laughed so hard because we have come across no less than 5 different organizational ideas for recipes. Mom tried each one, but never really managed to finish any of them. The problem with these multiple organization systems and the lack of any set system is that each time she started a new system she copied her tried and true and most used recipes into the new system. So we are talking multiple versions of some of these recipes. The lack of system also caused multiples as she had the same recipe written on a card and tucked in multiple books, magazines and drawers. </p><p>Still not convinced this project was huge. Right now, I am at 450 plus UNIQUE recipes. That doesn't include the duplicates! </p><p>It has been interesting to see the evolution of mom's baking through the years. I found recipes from when we were kids. Very basic and simple recipes. I found fancier recipes that she used when she was a personal chef for some local priests. Just this past week I found the recipes from the restaurant. Yes, my grandmother owned a restaurant for years and my mom cooked there. (I also worked there doing short order, waitress and whatever else was needed). The restaurant recipes were in my grandmothers handwriting! The last evolution of my mom's baking was when she baked and sold her baked goods at a stall at various farmers markets. How interesting to see my mom's life in recipes!</p><p> So what am I going to do with these recipes? First and foremost, it is for family. For our use, for our memories. I have toyed with a book...but where to begin with 450 plus recipes!</p><p> </p><p>I remain busy and active and taking steps to make my life, my health, myself the best version of me!</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPhpQPFA5sIBqI6PwJfh3VTorMiN5b-Mmi-kUoAgAlDBCBwNBk7VErjPnoqld_cxsHyhg9r6Hg2tpkDBDc7UL9waJGmhIQ6LhkU9JHhV_SqrnkTLDuDv-6v5nysyhMlziZcdcHR6PQ8eh1yTTPnqOlzAfB5FAPGMYF0aTKyikOqpx0oR5HRQOF/s3088/IMG_7578.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2316" data-original-width="3088" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPhpQPFA5sIBqI6PwJfh3VTorMiN5b-Mmi-kUoAgAlDBCBwNBk7VErjPnoqld_cxsHyhg9r6Hg2tpkDBDc7UL9waJGmhIQ6LhkU9JHhV_SqrnkTLDuDv-6v5nysyhMlziZcdcHR6PQ8eh1yTTPnqOlzAfB5FAPGMYF0aTKyikOqpx0oR5HRQOF/s320/IMG_7578.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /> <br /><p></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-44379418334058822522024-03-10T18:52:00.001-05:002024-03-10T18:52:10.559-05:00Frustrated and Fighting the Urge to GIve UP<p> I have trying to lose weight! It is the most frustrating experience one can have! I mean, don't get me wrong; when I am actually losing I feel amazing. I am on top of the world and all is fantastic. But when the weight is not coming off it is the most demoralizing and horrible experience.</p><p><br /></p><p>The weight was starting to come off and things were going well at the end of January and the beginning of February. I was on top of the world. Then my mom died. I actually held it together for the week of her death. I was so proud. I didn't succumb to all the tempting and bad foods. I was doing great! I had won...right?</p><p>Yeah, how wrong I was. All can say is that I let down my guard. In fairness that first week was more surreal. It wasn't until the second week that it really hit me with the sheer loneliness and grief. I haven't gained mad weight. I"m actually still within a 3 pound range...with the bottom edge skirting where I was when my mom died...but more often at the top of the 3 pound range. SO I guess I should admit to a three pound gain. What is worse? I'm still trying to lose and it's just not coming off! I mean seriously, my calories were never over 1500! NEVER. <br /></p><p>I looked at my food closely and I saw a problem area. I was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich each day for lunch. Seems innocent right? Except that in my personal experience I know that eating bread/potatoes/pasta can only be a one a day thing for me. By eating it for lunch I should have forwent it for dinner ,but I was not! So that is what I think my issue is. I think! I hope! So I'm working to change that!</p><p> I have been working on deep cleaning things around the house. I have been wiping down kitchen cabinets. I am also taking the time to move things around in the kitchen. I've lived here two years and I sat back and really thought about the kitchen to think about what was working and what was 'annoying'. I have juggled a few things around to hopefully be more efficient and less 'annoying'. I"m happy with what I have been getting done!</p><p>We finally bought some fruit trees for our property! I am so excited. THey are bare root trees, so we can/need to plant them soon! I also got my strawberries! YIPEE! I'm so excited!</p><p><span> </span>Trees:</p><p><span> </span><span> </span>3 Apple (Fuji, Honey Crisp, Golden Delicious)<br /><span> </span><span> </span>1 peach</p><p><span> </span><span> </span>3 blueberries (three different types...these are Jason's babies)</p><p><span> </span><span> </span>kiwi</p><p><span> </span><span> </span>blackberries (we have one wild blackberry on the very edge...but these are designed for container <span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>gardening so will go on our front porch in containers)</p><p><span> </span>Cherry (a bush)....we have a cherry tree but it doesn't produce...hopefully the bush will be a good <span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>pollinator for it!</p><p> </p><p>I have also started attending a beekeepers class. SO we are really thinking about starting our bee colony this year! WOO HOO! We haven't given up on the chickens.....but might just do the bees first!</p><p> </p><p>That's about it for here. Just trying to lose weight and making it through each day!</p><p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7nX9U2St03xOBA3iE2_A8PDl6HtYkzCwPasGGP-tNx6It3PSCsS1qtJazIGQVega9bjJG6GPf-pJoz6shHvfiPV_DFcaRjkO0j9obAVH1lUak6ZSbDZeCas3l4VVlLXnLQ7b3x29E8zetZS__diC2qmv75jNayty2nkakYxGFgbQwuNkLf8Ts/s4032/IMG_7410.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7nX9U2St03xOBA3iE2_A8PDl6HtYkzCwPasGGP-tNx6It3PSCsS1qtJazIGQVega9bjJG6GPf-pJoz6shHvfiPV_DFcaRjkO0j9obAVH1lUak6ZSbDZeCas3l4VVlLXnLQ7b3x29E8zetZS__diC2qmv75jNayty2nkakYxGFgbQwuNkLf8Ts/s320/IMG_7410.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /> <br /><p></p><p> <br /></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-32099903697136298752024-02-29T07:16:00.004-05:002024-02-29T07:16:32.996-05:00I didn't give up<p>So here we are, another week halfway done.Where is time going?? I looked at my last post and I was like "where in the world did time go" , I honestly feel as if I posted yesterday, yet it was 10 days ago! I've gotten back into the 'normal routine' and have been working on the new normal. So here is what I have been up to.</p><p><b>Word of the Week</b></p><p>Last week my word of the week was <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2024/02/getting-back-to-normal.html">routine</a>. This week I chose the word Trust for my word. I knew that I really needed to trust that my healthy habits would bring me the desired results. It's hard to continue to watch what I'm eating, exercise daily, get my miles in, etc etc etc and just TRUST that my efforts will work. So that is exactly what I needed this week. Trust that my efforts WILL parlay into weight loss.</p><p>Little did I know that it would REALLY be a week of trust when I chose the word. Yesterday I hopped on the scales and I was aghast! The scales were showing me up! WAY up! What in the world. I know that I made some cookies over the week, but I had accounted for them in my tracker! Why was I up so much! I stepped into the shower and stood under the stream of hot water reeling from what I saw. And I had to tell myself to "trust". Trust the healthy habits that you have put into place MaryFran, is what I had to tell myself! </p><p>After I got myself calmer and over the shock of seeing a number that I didn't want to see, I was able to remind myself that I had been working on a healthy habit that almost always causes a spike in my weight before an eventual drop. And even if that's not the reason for the weight spike....well.....trust!</p><p> </p><p><b>Water</b> <br /></p><p> I bought a new water bottle this past weekend! YAY, I love new water bottles! I always think that a new water bottle will be the magic that I need to get my goal amount of water into my body! But even before I bought the new water bottle, I was working on getting in my water. It took me a few days to realize that the cramps that I was having in my legs every night while I slept (waking me up) were most likely caused by dehydration! Yes, I was quite dehydrated. As soon as I realized that, I started pounding water. What typically happens though is that our bodies will then store all that water. It's like a camel...we store the water because we fear that the drought will return. Eventually, my body will catch up with the news that water is free flowing again and will then release the water (lots of potty breaks) and my weight will regulate! So, I am hoping that holds true this time also! <br /></p><p><b>GERD</b></p><p>During the week of my mom's funeral, I just pushed things aside. So when I got back into the swing of things I started to go through emails and notes of things to attend to. One of them was to pay the bill for my barium swallow. I logged onto mychart for that facility and noticed the results were there for the swallow. I won't be going back to the doctor until the end of March, so I was just expecting to get the results at that time. But hey, I got a heads up earlier!</p><p>I have been living in denial that I have Gerd. Yes, I have been living in denial, I was sure the doctors were wrong! So I was excited to see the results, sure that the results would show that I do NOT have Gerd! Imagine my disappointment when the results showed a "HIGH LEVEL" of reflux.....going up to the clavicle area. Oh my! I guess I can't deny it any longer!</p><p><b>Emotions </b></p><p>I am still blown away at the way I feel. I seriously thought I would do good with my mom's passing, after all, I had handled my dad's like a champ. But I'm just thrown for a loop. The absolute depth of loneliness I feel is mind boggling. I feel alone and drifting. (maybe I never really grieved completely for my father too) I don't know. I just know that the thought of both of them gone brings tears to my eyes. I'm alone, with no parents. I know I'm not alone. But it just feels lonely. Tears are frequent. And that's ok. I'm paying the price for having been given an amazing childhood with amazing parents. As much as it hurts, it is well worth it!</p><p><br /></p><p> <b>2024 Miles in 2024</b></p><p>I was ahead in my miles before my mom passed away. During that week, I used up almost every one of those banked miles. Quite literally, I ended that week with only 1/2 mile extra. I was fine with that. Life events are what I like to bank miles for, because sometimes, getting in your miles just isn't going to happen. But I knew that I wanted to start banking miles again. I don't like to be just getting by. I like extra miles so that my back is not against the wall. So the first week back to work I came out swinging and I banked miles! I banked a lot of miles! So I am feeling good about that (and not letting up, I"m still banking those miles like crazy!)</p><p>February may have been a bust on a couple different levels. I may not
have lost the weight I wanted to lose (official weigh in tomorrow but
it's not looking good), I may have not got all the steps/miles in that I
wanted. I may have lost my mother. But you know what? I survived. I kept putting one foot in front of the other and I didn't give up.<br /></p><p> <br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-88099888941480850712024-02-19T16:18:00.003-05:002024-02-19T16:18:40.139-05:00Getting back to Normal<p> What a week. My word for last week was Hang On. I did just that. I held on for dear life and tried to not let go. </p><p> I never expected to be burying my mom last week. Yet we did. As a family we had some laughs and some tears. I had handled my dad's death so well that I thought I would breeze through mom's death. But no, this has hit me hard. The best way to put it is that there is just this overwhelming sense of loneliness. I think when dad died I knew I still had one parent there and it gave me comfort. But now.....there is nothing and just a hole in my heart. I know...it will get easier. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgGfemr1xYIPHi3bS69x65TxuSn5w36mCWZwJwgRQUhJz4558wQ8BlOc8cDt7vOgMgGsIx52ZD7wHBQ0kUxi0De63rv1pxugNgvWNdmLGXYT39UR4K5Dx5qN0k0cUBfPiY_6ZLYKhPIvnBt-NT6jNjYCFdOvEJ_Cb-1VS0eRO3Aa8kaaQnaNuL/s4032/IMG_6851.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgGfemr1xYIPHi3bS69x65TxuSn5w36mCWZwJwgRQUhJz4558wQ8BlOc8cDt7vOgMgGsIx52ZD7wHBQ0kUxi0De63rv1pxugNgvWNdmLGXYT39UR4K5Dx5qN0k0cUBfPiY_6ZLYKhPIvnBt-NT6jNjYCFdOvEJ_Cb-1VS0eRO3Aa8kaaQnaNuL/w246-h185/IMG_6851.JPG" width="246" /></a></div><br /> Hanging on is exactly what I did. Oh, I wanted to eat horribly, but I kept my eating in line most days. The final day was the toughest of all. I have taken on a project where I am taking a pile of papers that include my mothers recipes and I am digitizing them. What I am doing is typing the recipes onto the computer. I am then scanning/taking a picture of the recipe that mom wrote (some with stains and hard to read) and I am placing that on the page with the recipe. So we have a nice version to recreate some of mom's baked goods but also so that we have a picture of her actual recipe. IN this way, we can have things organized neatly and not taking up scads of space. The problem with this project? It makes me want to bake! Many of the recipes that she made are already in my personal recipe file...but that doesn't matter...it makes me want to bake! I resisted the temptation....UNTIL I upgraded my Kitchen Aid mixer. I had a tilt top.......I have taken one of mom's kitchen aids. So I had a 'new to me" toy to play with. (once again, it was mom's I've used all of her mixers many times...but it was new to me and in my house). So I caved and made cookies yesterday morning. I did take half of them to my in-laws to share with them! (got them out of my house!) Even so, my calories for yesterday was still until 2,000. (right at about 1700 so I"m good with that).<p></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVXAi-XE3vQ5EmJ4-fsfIJjvul3gGwKk_sxYpm7_ThFa0emxBd4t0sau1Rdx2qULfNhICrnRC_dS8QcdjXKdRlnlTVe-jGi2h_xO27jnmRlddvAGarzYLSlwlzbqpkM9UP-VL4gcgKRDTqofmpIGQwUwuparH2klGtWiJlMqB3IDW-dmfBiphi/s4032/IMG_6982.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVXAi-XE3vQ5EmJ4-fsfIJjvul3gGwKk_sxYpm7_ThFa0emxBd4t0sau1Rdx2qULfNhICrnRC_dS8QcdjXKdRlnlTVe-jGi2h_xO27jnmRlddvAGarzYLSlwlzbqpkM9UP-VL4gcgKRDTqofmpIGQwUwuparH2klGtWiJlMqB3IDW-dmfBiphi/s320/IMG_6982.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><p>My word of the week for this week is ROUTINE. I need to get back into my routine. I need that routine in place in order to have success! I fell back into the routine this morning and I"m counting on that old routine to carry me through this first week back.</p><p><br /></p><p>2024 miles in 2024. I was so happy a week and a half ago because I was ahead in my miles for the year. I knew that being ahead was important for a 'rainy day'. Well, last week was rainy. I didn't do much riding on the bike (I did get one or two days in) and while some of the days my step count was great, others my step count was in the garbage! I did not meet my weekly goal....no where close! Luckily I had those banked extra miles. They saved me from not getting behind for the year. I literally have about 1/2 of a mile extra now! There is no wiggle room! I have to get to moving and start banking miles again!</p><p>It wasn't an easy week....but I think I can say it was a successful week, all things considering! <br /></p><p><br /></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-41184596906602539812024-02-12T10:12:00.004-05:002024-02-12T10:12:37.945-05:00I Love You Mama<p> I think my post title sums up everything I need to say.</p><p><br /></p><p>Friday morning started as any other day. I woke up and started my day like normal. I was only awake for about 15 minutes when my phone rang. It was my brother telling me that he had just gotten off the phone with the nursing home. Mom had died. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP9Rf3zlIcsMaH0OQsQzsT0sZMklHFBuc0FF_cW0YUMdLEI2vObQqh0tm6K1FrM0mUVg_XsO2OL_6YfKweY-jngZA0hFwCvfmzdlH_P_fS4aH7q9v5_5fLhQVXRX22J4L9S1VkWtHsvuqJxHeyes6EghQyapNeNBl9062A50-LMJjb2cUvb2L8/s4032/IMG_4841.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP9Rf3zlIcsMaH0OQsQzsT0sZMklHFBuc0FF_cW0YUMdLEI2vObQqh0tm6K1FrM0mUVg_XsO2OL_6YfKweY-jngZA0hFwCvfmzdlH_P_fS4aH7q9v5_5fLhQVXRX22J4L9S1VkWtHsvuqJxHeyes6EghQyapNeNBl9062A50-LMJjb2cUvb2L8/w257-h193/IMG_4841.JPG" width="257" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p>It was unexpected. Sure, she had very limited mobility. OF course, she had been in the hospital for a week earlier this year. But there was no indication that she was at the end. So it was a bit of a shock.</p><p>I'm filled with grief and sadness. But being honest, this is a good thing. I know where my mother is now. I know that my mom is no longer struggling with the most basic of life functions. You see, she never recovered after the <a href="The proverbial Rug ">stroke</a> 1.5 years ago and she struggled emotionally with the loss of her mobility and freedom.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHXMQCUFKOq1-31R7ctBc-jMpg_FzR-re6VjNUzXwqwR9nR6ExFB-Mcdt-qSHl-wzphm-t0w-hFNzXFqEwZHqpj135wI-CDEvRhU0ZOg_OwlJ4qIQBlfAteBuPf5hpQSzJUft7hPmTQue6Nlp0K0yptUVQsBJ_XcGAC8f-lJRgJK_14Y2ALbyJ/s1504/Alan,%20Fran,%20Mary%20Fran,%20Alan%20R..jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1216" data-original-width="1504" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHXMQCUFKOq1-31R7ctBc-jMpg_FzR-re6VjNUzXwqwR9nR6ExFB-Mcdt-qSHl-wzphm-t0w-hFNzXFqEwZHqpj135wI-CDEvRhU0ZOg_OwlJ4qIQBlfAteBuPf5hpQSzJUft7hPmTQue6Nlp0K0yptUVQsBJ_XcGAC8f-lJRgJK_14Y2ALbyJ/w272-h220/Alan,%20Fran,%20Mary%20Fran,%20Alan%20R..jpg" width="272" /></a></div><br /> The arrangements have been made, and we are in that stage between death and services. Limbo land. When my father died, I ate my way through my grief. Seriously, I <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2017/12/a-week-from.html">ate anything </a>and everything! I also gained about 8-10 pounds in that one week! Within an hour of receiving the news that my mom had passed away I had already told Jason, "I'm not gaining this time, so no scads of donuts, ice cream, cakes and candies!" <p></p><p>Let me tell you, it has been difficult! That first day, I wanted to drown my sorrows at Burger King or Mcdonalds on the way to my brothers where we met to start making the arrangements! I didn't! I stuck to my cheerios! The next day when Jason and I went down for the identification before cremation I wanted to stop again for fast food! I wanted to pick up donuts! I wanted it all! I didn't! I did have a higher calorie day (1700's) but the other two days since I received the news my calories have been in the 1300's! The scales? Right now I am maintaining! I"ll take that as a victory!</p><p> My word of the week for this week? It's another phrase....... "hang on"</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrJ72xWoY7SAqyAbJxcfdxFf_ubX5c_8okaVgzlV9UDagWtCB_y81HDETdWg6YJwRpEMVHYlphAy37VwP1EDinRbl4CHh0ZTHajhYLQCseqA9lbo1OIFs7TRlbz0uJ_xWlUPKEJCi5TyOtIUDPWendpLwyp-2FCyR_pFdALXJlZiEjOx8Lrx2M/s4032/IMG_2820.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrJ72xWoY7SAqyAbJxcfdxFf_ubX5c_8okaVgzlV9UDagWtCB_y81HDETdWg6YJwRpEMVHYlphAy37VwP1EDinRbl4CHh0ZTHajhYLQCseqA9lbo1OIFs7TRlbz0uJ_xWlUPKEJCi5TyOtIUDPWendpLwyp-2FCyR_pFdALXJlZiEjOx8Lrx2M/s320/IMG_2820.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-59497115329765523762024-02-07T06:20:00.003-05:002024-02-08T20:16:57.639-05:00Word of the Week<p>How is it already Wednesday and I haven’t posted my word of the week yet! I’m such a slacker!!! It just seems as if every moment of my day is sucked up with activity. By the time I do sit down to relax in the evening I am just plain and simple tired! But here I am now, so let’s catch up!</p><p><br></p><p><b>Word of the Week</b></p><p>My word of the week for this week is consistent. Consistent just seemed really appropriate for me this week. My<a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2024/02/january-check-in-and-weigh-in.html?m=1" title=""> January report</a> actually kinda surprised me, I wasn’t expecting it to be as good as it was, but it showed me that my efforts were making a difference! Because of that, I knew that I couldn’t let up! I needed to stay the course that I am on. I had to stay consistent! </p><p><br></p><p>I am happy to say that this far this week I have been consistent!</p><p><br></p><p><b>Accountability</b></p><p>I have long resisted the idea of actually posting my food on a public forum such as this site or on my YouTube channel. I know a lot of people do, but it just seemed as if I was opening myself up to ridicule as people decided to make comments about what I’m eating because of course my eating plan is MY plan and may not fit in with what someone else thinks is a good plan. So while I have toyed with it quite a few times over the years, I have never actually done it. I also lacked the discipline (and memory) to actually film/photograph my food for each meal! Hahaha. So I never did it. <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">That is, I have never really done it until last week. No no no, you didn’t miss anything on here. I decided to try something on my YouTube channel and I started posting what I eat in a day videos. Yeah, not really sure what possessed me! Must have been a moment of insanity!</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">But I’ve done a few now. And it hasn’t been too bad. Sure I got a comment from someone to eat more veggies (I have always been a bit heavier on fruit versus veggies, so no surprise there). I have forgotten to film one meal. But since I’m a creature of habit it was luckily just a bowl of cheerios that of forgot to film. So I’ve done it for about a week. And it’s been….well enlightening.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">For one, the accountability multiplied tenfold for sure!</span> And secondly, I <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">realized how much of a rut I really am in, and it did make me sit back to try to think of different options for lunch. (Although if it’s working for me, why change it?)</span></p><p><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I don’t know how long I will do it. Posting a video everyday is a commitment. It takes time to not only film (I am throwing in other things from life into those ‘what I eat in a day videos…and some videos are two days lumped into one), but it takes time to edit the footage. It takes time to get everything ready to post and it even takes time to post. But for now, it’s working as I’m working to set up some kind of routine to allow it to happen within my normal daily schedule. (And in that schedule I am looking at adding a regular time to write here because I am always THINKING about writing a post but time gets in the way.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p>You can check out my what I eat in a day videos <a href="https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLLFjEnvR2kQvqOZ47le5BC4uH6wRqvDdH&si=6_SQiBzvRA6FPqVI" title="">here</a>. </p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><b>The Homestead</b></span></p><p>It’s no secret that when Jason and I bought our place that we bought it with grand visions of the property. We don’t have a lot of land, but you can do a lot on <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">a</span> one and a half acres. Fruit trees, a strawberry patch, garden, chickens, etc etc etc. However, shortly after moving in life went upside down and well….I started to struggle emotionally. And if you have ever suffered from any level of depression you will know that it is a monumental task to even do simple things like cleaning and cooking. The yard progressed a bit..and we did plant a few things, but nothing major.</p><p><br></p><p>I decided that it was time to change that. So I’ve been trying to spend a little time outside each weekend doing SOMETHING to better our ‘homestead’. It’s winter so there isn’t a whole lot to do. But we have a big brush pile to burn! So we had a fire one weekend. And my nut trees needed pruned…so I pruned one weekend. We still have brush piles and stuff to clean. That’s a good winter chore! (Can you get poison ivy in the winter?). I am looking at getting strawberries, grapes and blueberry bushes this year. I want the fruit trees, but I need to watch the finances and don’t want to bite off more than I can chew in terms of time commitments!</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1_upUHXWhlom4SnXqJkyrpzB49aoO-RwP&export=download" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><br></p><p>I’m pretty excited about the homestead work!</p><p><br></p><p>We remain busy with life and all of our commitments, but I’ve been doing much better emotionally. And of course, Zoey the Newfoundland is as cute as ever…she got a bath this past weekend! She wasn’t happy about that!!!</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1Ps9XNKRqTJ8RiqnomGSoTp4xZwcEAis2&export=download" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><br></p><p>So life is moving nicely..and things are going well!</p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-15473687633155826382024-02-01T16:01:00.000-05:002024-02-01T16:01:46.830-05:00January Check in and a Weigh in!<p> January is in the books and it is time to look at how I did in January and look forward to what I am going to be doing in February. I have to say, when I was looking at my stats and what I did, I was pleasantly surprised. I was expecting the worst, but it was actually pretty good!</p><p><b>Exercise</b> </p><p>I nailed my exercise! Sure there is always room for improvement but I did quite well! So lets see what I did!</p><p>*I was able to complete quite a few mornings of exercise videos (thank you YouTube). They were each about 30 minutes in length<br /></p><p>* I rode my exercise bike 28 of 31 days in January. My mileage for my bike was 117.28 miles. </p><p>* I walked an average of 4500 steps each day (about 1500 steps above my average for December). </p><p>* I was able to complete 188.23 miles toward my <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2024/01/new-year-new-behavior.html">2024 challenge</a>! I have about 20 extra miles banked for a rainy day!</p><p>* I had two personal trainers....but they weren't too interested in my exercise!</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJWFzdoQe2PT18rFH3vAs5jyo73WcR_z63hmtG7XAPS0VJqIEGhHpOatLYh6fDTwxgLYCYxQQa7LUMNiSQYSLDDgrv8Kzdo9iRZIkwL_3JRK78tOrnBKjnXt3R72I4duv42-3lD0y83rRB5DdnrrE-x5oK9XgAYKDXKRNR7uUqlAgWvmaQlE_X/s4032/IMG_6359.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJWFzdoQe2PT18rFH3vAs5jyo73WcR_z63hmtG7XAPS0VJqIEGhHpOatLYh6fDTwxgLYCYxQQa7LUMNiSQYSLDDgrv8Kzdo9iRZIkwL_3JRK78tOrnBKjnXt3R72I4duv42-3lD0y83rRB5DdnrrE-x5oK9XgAYKDXKRNR7uUqlAgWvmaQlE_X/s320/IMG_6359.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><b>Word of the Week</b><p></p><p><span> </span>I utilized my <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2024/01/word-of-the.html">word of the week</a> each week. Two of the weeks were the same word, but the next three weeks were different. I opened my day planner and a different word just came to me, so I rolled with it! Each word turned out to be absolutely perfect for what I was going through, feeling and experiencing!</p><p> Here are my words of the week!</p><p><span> </span>*Week one - Control</p><p><span> </span>*Week Two - Control</p><p><span> </span>*Week Three - Fortitude</p><p><span> </span>* Week Four - Just Do it</p><p><span> </span>* Week 5 - Drive</p><p><b>Healthy Habits</b></p><p>I did fabulous on my tracking! I tracked each day. I pulled my information into my day planner. I was amazing with tracking. What I wasn't amazing with was water consumption! I averaged about 50 (being generous here) ounces a day. I was very cognizant of my water, it just didn't segue from something I kew I had to do, into a habit! My calories were in line for most days! That is exactly what I want, most days. I am not seeking perfection. I am looking for sustainability! </p><p><b>Weigh In</b></p><p>I was so happy to see that my weight was down by 6 pounds! I'll take it! It's been fluctuating greatly for most of the month and only this week really seemed to settle! Sure, I would like it to be more, but 6 pounds is respectable! I had to sit back and think about how much 6 pounds equals for a full year. That is 72 pounds for a year! That wee little 6 pounds that I was boo-hooing about? That adds up to an impressive number!!! 6 pounds? I'll take it gladly!</p><p><b>Plans for February</b></p><p>So what am I planning for February?<br />**Track my food!</p><p>**DRINK WATER</p><p>**Continue the Word of the Week</p><p>**Eat Slow (slow is a no for acid reflux!)</p><p>**Continue to limit my carbs</p><p>**Focus on being healthy....and not stress about the number on the scale!</p><p>**Catch the rogue mouse that is running wild through our house! WE have traps, but this little sucker is wiley and is outsmarting us!!!</p><p><br /></p><p>The month is wide open. I can make it whatever I want it to be! I am choosing successful!<br /></p><p><br /></p><p> <br /></p><p> </p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-41308710308488609402024-01-28T11:51:00.001-05:002024-01-28T11:51:00.025-05:00Slow and No<p>How has it been four weeks since the beginning of the year!! The month of January is almost over! And as is typical, it’s been crazy busy!</p><p><br></p><p>I have been really focusing on trying to not sink into despair at things that are going on in my life. I’m trying to not allow myself to sink into the fog of depression that has hovered over me for the last year or so. It’s difficult. But I’m really trying!</p><p><br></p><p>I feel that for a lot of my month in terms of health and weight loss that I have been successful. I have been working to get in my exercise and my miles for the 2024 challenge. Most days are a solid victory. I’m good with that. I have tracked religiously in MFP and I carry it over to my day ones. Why do I do that? I want to have everything and all my stats gathered in one place and easy to see. So in my day planner I keep track of my food and I notate my calories. I notate my daily weight. I keep track of my minutes that I do an exercise video…my exercise bike miles and my steps. I do keep track of what days I take vitamins and my protonix (for the acid reflux). And my water. </p><p><br></p><p>I also have been tracking how fast I’m eating my food…and even more importantly how I feel after eating…did I get a bad case of acid reflux, or none at all. I’ve been finding that without medicine that if I eat slow…like so slow that my food gets cold, that I can mark my meal as SLOW and NO. Meaning I ate slow and had no ‘reflux’! I like slow and no! </p><p><br></p><p>I can’t wait to look at my full month of stats for January…as soon as I have the full month of stats! And then on to February! </p><p><br></p><p>Right now I’m looking at goals and plans for February to be mostly the same as January.</p><p> 1. Track food and acid reflux</p><p>2. Continue to knock out my miles…and bank some extras!</p><p>3. Drink my warer</p><p>4. Focus on being happy and not dwelling on the negative!</p><p><br></p><p>Every day and every month is a new opportunity to excel!</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">And a pic of me while I wait for mom in her hospital room!</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1Ub_8niljl-DVIFgK0eHRJG9W2T1wTxDp&export=download" width="300" height="300"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-64744109405023058282024-01-22T11:13:00.000-05:002024-01-22T11:13:17.702-05:00Word of the......<p> I have always loved the concept of the word of the week. It seems like such an amazing idea. Except that I always forget it. I always get bogged down. I sometimes think that the word isn't appropriate later in the year. It just doesn't seem to work for me! Maybe my word should be committed since I obviously have issues with long term commitment!</p><p>Except that a few years ago the word WAS <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2019/12/word-of-year-committed.html">committed</a>! I was so ready and committed! I even went as far as printing up pictures for the wall. I was going to do it! And I failed with the commitment on the year of being committed!</p><p>This year I fell into the trap of thinking that it was a great idea again! I wanted to do it! I wanted to jump on the bandwagon. But I knew that it wasn't for me! So I didn't! Instead I decided to have a word of the week! I wasn't sure how well it would work but I was determined to try it!</p><p>When I had been briefly contemplating the word of the year I had thought about the word "control" because it just seemed apropos for me because I so need to get control! Therefore, when I made my plan to have a word of the week it was easy to decide my word for the first week! <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2024/01/control.html">Control</a>! I put it at the top of my day planner. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRvzDlRmXXGv_lHNHuUjOgu2QJptXgr3bflTxeawK1j3dwazRSGHLjed57NoZTQaayY3BmUyzNk4M5QEik0Ihor_wu4_2gS0GmI1dEan0F39cGYsPpEa4QfZZIoxh-NwwVzH1RUil_3o3a5dpY41TD4tSXyHFNTOGO9FWKRgNZXldK-5mI04XH/s4032/IMG_6333.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRvzDlRmXXGv_lHNHuUjOgu2QJptXgr3bflTxeawK1j3dwazRSGHLjed57NoZTQaayY3BmUyzNk4M5QEik0Ihor_wu4_2gS0GmI1dEan0F39cGYsPpEa4QfZZIoxh-NwwVzH1RUil_3o3a5dpY41TD4tSXyHFNTOGO9FWKRgNZXldK-5mI04XH/s320/IMG_6333.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>I am in my day planner each day as I am keeping track of my food intake in my dayplanner. (Yes I use MyFitnessPal, but I put it in my day planner and add things about how I felt afterward...how fast I ate, etc to try to get a handle on the <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2023/10/dramatic-end-to-vacation.html">GERD</a><a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2023/10/dramatic-end-to-vacation.html"></a><a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2023/10/dramatic-end-to-vacation.html">) </a>I also track my bike miles, exercise, steps, vitamin and pill intake amongst other random things. So it is the perfect place for me to see the word of the week multiple times of the week! <p></p><p>On week two I started my new week's page in my day planner and I knew that control was still the word that I needed to focus on! So I colored it in on that week also.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhNrMMAcjucrz9De1zfIv8nOe97v2s6DqaOQJC_vWCyrw-uSCMUtVelTZnoZzT-fpG1nd699-FOlD7nGTNwaxhasPCO3wfMA5yAte5fuZgYvYdwO0uo-3qz6X2YFuXVF48mrqR8kEY5_kjeQCkwjascAo4d4ukJb54df1WXEk7M9WeZe3inBuU/s4032/IMG_6334.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhNrMMAcjucrz9De1zfIv8nOe97v2s6DqaOQJC_vWCyrw-uSCMUtVelTZnoZzT-fpG1nd699-FOlD7nGTNwaxhasPCO3wfMA5yAte5fuZgYvYdwO0uo-3qz6X2YFuXVF48mrqR8kEY5_kjeQCkwjascAo4d4ukJb54df1WXEk7M9WeZe3inBuU/s320/IMG_6334.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />I was perfectly fine with keeping control as my word for another week. Seriously, if my word remained as control for the whole year, I would have no issue! But when the third week of the year began and I flipped to the new pages on my day planner control was not at all what I was thinking. The only word that was in my head was fortitude! Well that was easy.....fortitude was the word of the week! I got to coloring! (I apologize for the blurry pic)<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIlX5GJ6grIK6xEajdnEZn6HV5833WbpZsUJs87DQrWLw2wrNF23kYdLH0jW-6B6hduo2LD-m1fmEdlKtBAHf2Svj7EJI5L3i1fZk8ergO-6Z6mpVeOZavDUduqcr_y5G7LfzxdY8LfvASi0yhJAlfGMsXGTdOMIzJWY1kGMkrY-TKcSbInr7u/s4032/IMG_6335.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIlX5GJ6grIK6xEajdnEZn6HV5833WbpZsUJs87DQrWLw2wrNF23kYdLH0jW-6B6hduo2LD-m1fmEdlKtBAHf2Svj7EJI5L3i1fZk8ergO-6Z6mpVeOZavDUduqcr_y5G7LfzxdY8LfvASi0yhJAlfGMsXGTdOMIzJWY1kGMkrY-TKcSbInr7u/s320/IMG_6335.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><p>Today I started week 4 of the year and as I do every Monday, I turned the page to a new week in my planner ready to start the new week. I sat there for a few seconds. Fortitude no longer felt even remotely like it was the correct word for the week. Control? Well that didn't feel wrong but it just didn't feel like it fit. The only thing that kept coming up in my mind was the phrase. "Just Do It" But it's a word of the week, not a phrase right? Could I put in Nike as my word because of their slogan. (Is that even still their slogan?) But no, using Nike as my word of the week was nonsense! But my mind kept saying "do it...do it....do it!" So my word of the week is a phrase!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUm2E39YzKFDr4Hbv3zEMCeC0K2WCSd-yas5X8klpc6WwJPoOTCOlNtZEiiq9gB5uE0g5pEIihzVljpbZd8W0Hg74wUnstHL9evmYbRjKjQymeh7lMp27besKGEVgFMlOAweaDmg9GNb7yRpq991AVbosUwUMnvJ2yCssaLfcvA75yHIfyky0O/s3520/IMG_6339.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1980" data-original-width="3520" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUm2E39YzKFDr4Hbv3zEMCeC0K2WCSd-yas5X8klpc6WwJPoOTCOlNtZEiiq9gB5uE0g5pEIihzVljpbZd8W0Hg74wUnstHL9evmYbRjKjQymeh7lMp27besKGEVgFMlOAweaDmg9GNb7yRpq991AVbosUwUMnvJ2yCssaLfcvA75yHIfyky0O/s320/IMG_6339.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><p>This word of the week thing is working for me. It is allowing me to focus on what I need at that exact moment! Yes, I think control may end up being the 'theme' of the year. But my word for each week will be whatever fits for my life, emotions and physical being that exact week!</p><p>Thank you to everyone that thought about me, prayed for me and asked about my colonoscopy that I wrote about the other day. Jason and I made it safely to my appointment. The back roads were horrid, but the interstate was much better (and got better the further north we went as they had less snow....and the drive home was much better as the storm had moved onward).</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje8lv-oISS9c-S8KCWowcUbaxPPzzuXo2s4Wnr59W3bZlRrSa-xiyiu-uOVC34lwspLQeXYwyYSZq_ugpCeWfbb10xcJuNUqu4isdgXJAuA7KZkKCHUN-H-ZhzrgXFz2rm36Xkxi8p0YCO_FBKb5SzVVfrzO5-PhI4vchPor3T8cf3yWztkEW0/s4032/IMG_6287.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje8lv-oISS9c-S8KCWowcUbaxPPzzuXo2s4Wnr59W3bZlRrSa-xiyiu-uOVC34lwspLQeXYwyYSZq_ugpCeWfbb10xcJuNUqu4isdgXJAuA7KZkKCHUN-H-ZhzrgXFz2rm36Xkxi8p0YCO_FBKb5SzVVfrzO5-PhI4vchPor3T8cf3yWztkEW0/s320/IMG_6287.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>The test went well. The doctor said I was as cleaned out as they came...perfect prep. I also received a good report. An excellent report actually! What a relief! I do have a pocket of diverticulosis. The doctor was not concerned about it at all and said it will most likely never cause me any issues and if it did we would worry about it then. He did recommend a high fiber diet to keep my colon in good shape and to help keep me from getting diverticulitis. Which goes in line with how I SHOULD and TRY to eat anyway! </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><br />MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-38035193174021717732024-01-19T09:29:00.001-05:002024-01-19T09:29:44.437-05:00Two Day Fast<p>I have been fasting for two days. It is not in conjunction with weight loss efforts, but I will gladly accept any weight loss. Even though this fast has been for medical reasons, I have had some thoughts come into my head in relation to food.</p><p><br></p><p>Let me start by saying that this period of no food has been in preparation for a colonoscopy. I have been long overdue for having one. My <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2017/12/a-week-from.html?m=0" title="">father died</a> of colo-rectal cancer in 2017. I should have run with all haste to have a colonoscopy when he was diagnosed. I should have not put it off or at least done it in honor of him when he died. Yet here I am over 5 years since his death and FINALLY getting one done. The hesitancy is a combination of a few things. First, I don’t like to go to the doctor and secondly I’ve heard the horror stories of the prep for the procedure. But thirdly, I’m afraid of the results. No know…silly to ignore it! But I’m doing it now…today in fact.</p><p><br></p><p>So I have been in prep mode now for a while. I actually decided to try to make it easier on myself. On Wednesday I ate really lightly. My calories were low…I ate minimaly. I figured the less food in my body the better right??? </p><p>So Wednesday dinner was my last meal. Friday dinner after this test will be my next meal. That is a 48 hour fast. Ok, maybe it hasn’t been a total fast. I drank a can or two of 7-up and I did have about a cup of jello in the 48 hour period. But seriously, that’s so little we may as well call it a 48 hour fast. And do you know what? It hasn’t been bad I never had to dip into the popcicles or Italian Ice that I had in the freezer.</p><p><br></p><p>I actually wasn't worried about the fasting part. I knew that I would be fine. My husband seemed more worried about that for me. But it posed no problem. However, the thoughts in my head were enlightening!</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p>It actually wasn’t even a challenge to not eat. <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"> I wasn’t gnawing at the kitchen cabinets or anything wanting to eat. I was content without food. Didn’t really miss it. Isn’t that crazy? Now that’s not saying that I won’t be ready to eat when the procedure is behind me! But I wasn’t desperate for food at any time during the last few days. Not on the day of minima/light eating and not yesterday on my liquid diet day. Interesting…hmmm</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The biggest revelation for me though was the thoughts in my head. The habit to go grab something was strong. And I was able to realize that it wasn’t hunger but literally a ‘nothing to do so may as well eat’ thought.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The best way to describe this mental thought is to talk about what happened when the power went out. I was working and the power went out. It ended up being out for about 2 hours. I used the time to sit quietly in the living room and read. Over and over my head told me to ‘go get a few pretzels to eat while you read’. Or ‘some grapes would be great while I’m reading’. I never felt hunger…it was a boredom thing. With the enforcement of my fast (or close to a fast) for the colonoscopy prep I couldn’t eat and it cleared my brain to realize that the thoughts/need/desire for food was simply that. Boredom.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I don’t know what I am/can do with this newfound knowledge. But hopefully I can remember it whenever that urge to ‘go grab a pretzel’ hits in the future.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Meanwhile, it’s snowing…so we will be leaving for my test a bit early. Wish me luck! (With the roads and with the results)</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-52669385323537236992024-01-13T18:18:00.001-05:002024-01-13T18:18:26.102-05:00Slow Down Already<p>This past week has been insane! It’s been crazy at work. Life has been nuts (as always) and…well I’m just plodding on one day at a time!</p><p><br></p><p>Work is nuts. I work in the pharmaceutical field and with patient assistance programs. The new year means reenrollment season. Cray-zee! There have been days where I’ve actually made the remark, ‘I didn’t even have time to get a drink of water’. I know that eventually things will peak and it will right itself, but right now we are still getting busier and busier.</p><p>Yesterday was supposed to be my endoscopy..to see if there is any damage from the unchecked acid reflux. I got a call on Monday or Tuesday from the doctor’s office. My insurance decided to deny the prior authorization because I haven’t tried the meds for 8 weeks and subsequently fail them. I laughed because I’ve been on the meds for over three months and haven’t experienced any difference from my symptoms. The doctor’s office said they were going to do an appeal/peer to peer review. On Thursday they let me know that my insurance denied that also as the test not being medically necessary. So my test on Friday was cancelled. I imagine that the doctor will try again later this year? I guess. </p><p><br></p><p>My colonoscopy is still on for next Friday. That is the one I’m dreading. Not for the procedure, I’m dreading the prep! And I have a barium swallow at the end of the month that I’m assuming will be a go with my insurance.</p><p><br></p><p>It makes me angry though. I am paying through the nose for the insurance. I have the top tier/best insurance my company has to offer. Grrr. Oh well. It wasn’t meant to be at this time.</p><p><br></p><p>I’ve been doing really good with my 2024 miles in 2024. Today may be the first day I don’t get my necessary miles for the day. But I will be short by less than a half mile. I have been over every other day this far…so I’ve been banking miles….not a lot, but I’ve been banking a little extra every other day. I <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">know that I’m probably not going to get my miles in on my colonoscopy day…so I need those extra miles! </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">My weight has been fluctuating within a four pound range. Literally one day I’ll be at the top end of the range and the next at the bottom only to be back up the next day. I want to see the numbers dropping, and they aren’t. So that means I have to make a few adjustments to my eating. I have to find the magic formula for my body to lose at this time in my life. So adjust I will!</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Meanwhile, Zoe had a rough morning this week! I found her like this. She wasn’t fighting. She wasn’t moving a muscle. I moved from side to side and she would slowly turn her head…in the box to track my voice! I have a video on my YouTube channel and it makes me laugh every time I see it!!</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=174KO6Il-mHu_pEV5fcxVIKh8czvjgjwP&export=download" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><br></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-89935779890963008912024-01-05T07:26:00.001-05:002024-01-05T07:26:53.372-05:0018 years and a Thank You<p> I had been planning on posting this tomorrow…because in my mind I thought that my blogiversary was on January 6th. But when I decided to go back to read the first post….well how wrong I was. My blogiversary is actually on January 5th!</p><p><br></p><p>18 years ago I decided to create a journal of my efforts to lose weight and I decided to do it on an online journal, a blog. <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The </span><a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2006/01/this-is-time.html?m=0" title="" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">first post</a><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"> was simple. It didn’t have grand plans. I didn’t wax eloquent about my goals. I simply wrote two paragraphs about my desire to get serious. By that time I had already lost about 50 pounds and I was stalled (ironically enough at the same weight I have been at recently). I wrote for the first few months; if not years for myself. I knew that it was a public forum but I had no illusions that anyone would ever read my words. Imagine my surprise to start getting comments! I also had no clue that I would meet some fabulous people through this forum, people that I call dear friends. I had no idea that 18 years later that I would be writing my 2,566th post as a blogiversary post.</span></p><p><br></p><p>Those first posts were sometimes lame (I’ve gone back and read this whole thing a few times so I’m being honest when I say lame and boring) but they are a great view of my triumphs and failures. Through this blog I have been at highest weights.</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1Fum94bOR8C8bXMAHvmoAkPhEYGasrdHO&export=download" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p>And I have been at my lowest.</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1vScBvyIUv6yJugXgIyoC7G9SQXECgIKa&export=download" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><br></p><p>But this website has been so much more than 2566 posts.</p><p><br></p><p>I have written and gained knowledge about weight loss and fitness. And I wrote about it in posts about Zumba. I was even <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2013/09/here-it-is.html?m=0" title="">featured in the newspaper</a> regarding my love of Zumba. I was so happy when I made lifetime with weight watchers and I couldn’t wait to share it on here. I shared my desire and quest to become a runner. It wasn’t an easy process but I shared it all and I celebrated on here when I set a <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2013_05_18_archive.html?m=0" title="">personal record</a>.</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1ZRvM5-EM5IQUKnyUWDhGPU43WbW4FaNZ&export=download" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><br></p><p>It wasn’t all victory though. I have tried to remain transparent and honest. I’ve shared the lows (and oh have there been lows!). However painful and embarrassing, I have religiously shared them! But through the years, I started to share more of my life. I realized that simply talking about my struggle to not eat or my victories needed to be seen in a larger context that included aspects from my life. So I shared my life with things like my experiences with a crumbling marriage and divorce. I happily shared aspects of my ‘courtship’ with Jason. I shared my struggles with my mom’s ongoing health and my father’s death. I <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">have written about my </span><a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2021/10/a-confession-i-have-been-keeping-huge.html?m=0" title="" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">elopement</a><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"> to the love of my life, Jason. And I’ve even shared our pets! </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The weight loss story is all encompassing. Life happens and it affects our weight and our weight loss efforts so years ago I decided to share it all! It serves as a record my memories and accounting of this lifelong journey but it is also my accountability!</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">So to you, anyone that reads this blog/website; I say thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your presence here was a surprise at first, I had no clue anyone would ever read this. But I’m grateful that you found me. You have offered me friendship, accountability and your wisdom. And words can’t describe how appreciative I am for each of you. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I’m heading into year 19 of blogging. It’s insane to think about having being doing this for so long, but I’m as determined as ever to continue writing. It’s good for my soul!</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1Vfesy_NbBukL33P316I4yRAyb__32Xh6&export=download" width="300" height="300"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-36055892809648300582024-01-04T16:13:00.002-05:002024-01-04T16:17:52.449-05:00Control<p> The last couple days one word has been coming up time and time again for me as I work on getting my weight loss journey moving again. At first I ignored it...but after a bunch of times of this word popping up, I decided it was time to sit back and listen. Right?</p><p><br /></p><p>What is this word? The word is control.</p><p>The first time the word came up was while I was watching a YouTube video that was posted by a gal that is working to lose weight. In her video she was talking about how she was in control and how it felt good. It made me sit back and think about when I last felt in control of my eating. It was a while and I well remember how amazing I felt. It was so empowering! I smiled at the memory and thought about getting that feeling back. I thought about it enough that I filmed a clip for my YouTube channel about the word control! In that clip I talked about control and that empowering feeling. In that same clip I also talked about how I had succumbed to stress eating.</p><p>Weirdly enough, I had a comment before I even posted my clip about how my word of the year should be control. Hmmmm</p><p>And then this morning. I stepped on the scale and saw that my weight was up. I was frustrated as I stood in the shower. It is hard, seeing a gain makes me want to give up. But I stopped and told myself. NO! Get control of yourself. (Yes, I said it out loud too!). I thought about that clip I had filmed, and I realized that even the stress eating was me LOSING control. Crazy! Immediately I was stuck on the word control, and I knew that I HAD to make control my word of the..........</p><p>Nope, I've done a word of the year before. I jumped on the bandwagon a few times over the years. Most recently in 2020, my word of the year was Committed. I remembered the word for a few days...but I always forget it. It becomes a thing of the past. So, it really does no good for me! But, while I was in the shower this morning I thought that maybe, just maybe I could do a word of the week. It could change and adjust to where I was in my life journey/weight loss journey/etc. I decided that my word of the week would be written on the top page of each week in my dayplanner/journal. I could reuse words. Maybe control would be the word the whole year through. But maybe control would only be my focus for a week....or a month...or a half of year. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFEArLtDWNAp3dr5roUZxwbnQ0Y4i6eXziEgSIRdDXPtffqVcZ2xIvhMOMC-DSi_UyBuorhx5PBmqv56v6P-IJLehkQM706QzWE4txKJyFVvJrPoTUvl8Jfl-fWahtwi0NrrtyEx_CEed2xsAaISIkxqAAh5s-sJetim3JN65dC2RKrc_fDVmC/s4032/IMG_6174.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFEArLtDWNAp3dr5roUZxwbnQ0Y4i6eXziEgSIRdDXPtffqVcZ2xIvhMOMC-DSi_UyBuorhx5PBmqv56v6P-IJLehkQM706QzWE4txKJyFVvJrPoTUvl8Jfl-fWahtwi0NrrtyEx_CEed2xsAaISIkxqAAh5s-sJetim3JN65dC2RKrc_fDVmC/s320/IMG_6174.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>So that is what I did....I have added the word in bold red and I'm ready to live that word this week!</p><p><br /></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-20509354014769250672024-01-02T06:10:00.001-05:002024-01-02T06:10:02.736-05:00New Year New Behavior<p>This is the year of change. It’s the year of changing my behavior. It’s the year of changing the trajectory of my life. It’s the year to take care of my health. It’s the year to take control of my health. It my year.</p><p><br></p><p>Fixing the depressive cloud is paramount on my list of changes for 2024. I’m not exactly sure how to fix this. Emotions are a funny thing. But I’m vowing to be as present and active as possible in whatever changes are necessary to bringing back happiness into my life.</p><p>I am now 51 years old. I worry more and more each year (each day) about my health. I’ve been overweight for most of my life. I’ve been lucky most of my adult life with good health. I’m lucky, because I’m considered morbidly obese. In the last year I have seen and heard about people in their fifties dying..heart attacks, cancer and all other sorts of illnesses! Did you catch those two points…these people are in their fifties…and I am in my fifties! Humbling!</p><p><br></p><p>I can’t change genetics. I can’t change some things. I mean, my father died from cancer which puts me at a higher risk. I can’t change that. But I can take the proper precautions…and this year I am finally getting my colonoscopy. (It’s scheduled). I’m determined actually take care of my health, and for that means being more diligent about preventative tests and doctors appointments versus my previous attitude of ‘I’ll get to it tomorrow, next week or even next year’</p><p><br></p><p> What I can change is my weight and my fitness levels. This is a new year and I’m determined to make and maintain the changes necessary for a lifelong change. It will theoretically help the <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2023/10/the-flux.html?m=1" title="">GERD</a>. It will theoretically help the pain in my knees and feet (it did the last time I lost weight). And it will enable me to live my life more fully!</p><p><br></p><p>I’ve been doing this weight loss thing a long time (kind of embarrassing really) so I know what needs to be done. </p><p>-exercise/movement</p><p>-water consumption</p><p>-keep calorie intake in line</p><p>-track my food and efforts</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Seems simplistic, but it’s quite difficult.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I joined a 2024 miles in 2024. I have done these on a few previous years. It requires me to propel myself about 6 miles a day. I’m a planner so I’m already thinking about banking some extra miles for ‘those days’. Those days are the ones where I may be sick, or injured, or just not feeling it! It is for those days that I am already scheduled for tests. (Endoscopy, colonoscopy, and barium swallow and my routines will be totally disrupted). So on New Year’s Day I was on the exercise bike at 6am! </span></p><p><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I’m slowing making the changes so that I can see a change in my life! It isn’t going to be a fast change…but change is coming!</span></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1pRNemujLU8LKE4zAq-6ImdQe67MAtZoh&export=download" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-38440523625165206332023-12-28T06:02:00.001-05:002023-12-28T06:02:03.230-05:00The Close of a Year and the start of a new one<p>I for one am ready to say good riddance to 2023. It’s been a crazy year….and full of stress and angst. I can honestly say that the year has flown by though! For this post, I’m not going to focus on the bad, the depression, the hardships and stress. This is all about the positive, the good and the hopes for the future!</p><p><br></p><p><b>2023 in a <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">nutshell</span></b></p><p>We started the year with Jason still healing from his run in with the axe. I enjoyed having him in the house while I worked. It was nice to have someone to chit chat with on my breaks/lunches. It was also fantastic to have him home after work versus having to wait 2.5 hours after I get off work for him to get home. However, when he went back to work it was a sigh of relief to have the return of his income after 6 months of being off work!</p><p><br></p><p>In January we got a dog. Jason had told me from the very beginning of our relationship that he wanted to someday get another Newfoundland. 2023 was the year. She was so cute and was 30 pounds when we got her!</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1X1miOJUS6l_34x4vDhd5d9PJ0Ub-ijHN&export=download" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><br></p><p>She takes a LOT of time…lots of walks outside and lots of play time. And she grew….she is now about 100 pounds and still growing.</p><p><br></p><p>We were able to get in some hiking, but not too much due to Jason’s injury and having a young dog. (Recommendation is to not exercise Newfies too long or too hard in the first year of their life due to growth plates and joint development). But we still got in some hiking.</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=12Q1CmG86fN8cvlTnucCVefwepVC5XIaz&export=download" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p>We powered through the summer with push mowing our property again and we planted a small garden (bigger one coming in 2024). And we finally got our barn painted!</p><p><br></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1v93yzVsxdpp_Eoiiu7qvVU1BXbxGuZYk&export=download" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><br></p><p>It wasn’t a year full of crazy fun things…but we were busy!</p><p><br></p><p><b>Looking into 2024</b></p><p><b><br></b></p><p>I am looking forward to 2024. I have not totally adopted the ‘I’ll start in 2024’ mentality. I have started to watch my eating and been working to get back into the habit of tracking my food. I have not recommenced with any exercise plan. I was set to start and hurt my foot. I limped around for a good week or so. It still gives me twinges of pain but it is much better and if I watch what I do (low impact) I should be ok to start soon!</p><p><br></p><p>I have a slew of medical tests set for January. I’m nervous about the results. But am heading into them confident that all will work out. One step toward taking care of me!</p><p><br></p><p>I’m not setting any fabulous goals and resolutions for 2024. But I do have some plans and dreams for 2024. Of course…get healthy is the biggest plan for the year. I know what I would LIKE to lose in 2024. I know where I would like to be at the end of the year. But I am not setting goals to be there. I’m just saying that I am going to work to make 2024 my year to move toward those goals! </p><p>So yes, exercise, tracking my food, exercise, drinking my water…all of those healthy habits will be on the agenda for 2024.</p><p><br></p><p>The ONLY serious goal that I am setting for myself is to complete the goal of propelling myself 2024 miles in the year 2024. I have done this in<a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2021/01/the-challenge-for-2021.html?m=0" title=""> previous years</a> and it really pushes me! I don’t like to fall behind in my mileage! One year I was done with my miles by September! I have also challenged Jason to a mileage challenge. We haven’t pounded out the reward yet…but a good friendly competition is always motivating for me. (Hopefully he steps up to my challenge). The goal of 2024 miles (bike, walk, run, swim, row…any miles count) is a good one for me…it keeps me focused and active!</p><p><br></p><p>I don’t know what 2024 will bring. I don’t expect the depressive cloud to disappear overnight. But I am determined to focus on making me the healthiest and happiest version possible in 2024!</p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-58534125006052621862023-12-19T06:07:00.001-05:002023-12-19T06:07:22.812-05:00Why wait<p>I don’t even know what to say. I feel like a broken record when I talk about how difficult life has been lately. I want to write cheery posts. I want to write about fabulous stuff, yet it seems as if we are in a period of our lives where things are just…..difficult. We just keep getting bombarded with more drama and trauma. We are surviving it together, hand in hand. But my word, it’s stressful.</p><p>Some of what is going on is not my stories to tell so I won’t go into it here. What I will talk about is where I am at with some of the things that are my personal stuff…which I’m an open book so I will share.</p><p><br></p><p><b>My Health</b></p><p><br></p><p>A few months ago I wrote about how I ended up in the ER and was <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2023/10/dramatic-end-to-vacation.html?m=1" title="">diagnosed with GERD</a>. I wrote about how due to poor/incorrect advice from my then family doctor that it had been unchecked and not managed for quite a few years. I read up on it, found a new family doctor and I’ve been trying to manage it on my own for a while. The medicine really doesn’t seem to help but I’ve been pretty good about tracking my food in my daily planner and actually tracking my symptom after I eat. For example, I can do my cheerios for breakfast and no sign of a cough. Same with a PB&j sandwich for lunch. Two pieces of pizza one night was symptom free, but three pieces the next week gave me the coughs! My Thanksgiving meal with Jason’s parents I was ok, but when I ate the leftovers I was not. The takeaway this far? It’s not as contingent upon WHAT I eat, but rather how much I eat and how fast I am eating it. Sure, Italian foods (acidic tomatoey stuff) is also a bit more problematic…but I ate pizza and with a smaller amount I was ok.</p><p><br></p><p>So yesterday I had my first appointment with the gastroenterologists. As I expected, they want to do an endoscopy to see if there is any damage due to this having been left unchecked for a few years. They want to do a barium swallow to see exactly what is happening. I am still on the protonix….but we have adjusted the protocol of how I am taking it. I told the doctor flat out that medicine long term is not something I want and he told me that he agreed and would be happiest the day that I walked out of his office with no medic w prescribed.</p><p><br></p><p>Of course he can say that….he knows that my father passed away from colo-rectal cancer and that means that I will be a lifetime patient to get colonoscopies. Of course I am scheduled for my first colonoscopy now too. </p><p><br></p><p><b>Mental Health</b></p><p>My mental health is up and down. Some days I feel on top of it. I feel as if I can handle this thing called life. But quite a few days I feel overwhelmed and lost. The same stressors that I have been dealing with for the last months hit regularly and it doesn’t take much to push me into a ‘sad day’ where I am fighting the tears constantly…and where I struggle to put one foot in front of the other. But I’m pushing through. This dark and difficult period in life will pass….right?</p><p><br></p><p><b>Weight</b></p><p>It’s ugly! So very ugly! Ok, it could be worse, I haven’t gained weight. But I’m not losing! I shouldn’t be upset though. It’s not like I’ve really put forth any great effort! I mean seriously, have I tracked anything for calories? Nope (I write down my food in my planner and write symptoms but I don’t carry it to counting calories). Do I drink enough water each day? Not really. Some days I do better than others! Exercise? Ha, as if!</p><p><br></p><p>I want to lose! I want to lose weight badly! I see the health issues around me (which is some of current craziness in life) and I know that my weight puts me at greater risk for bad health issues! And let’s be serious, losing weight could possible fix my whole GERD issue. I’m tired of hurting…because carrying around this extra weight is rough on the body! I know I need to lose!</p><p><br></p><p>So obviously we know what my New Year’s resolution would be. Hahahah. But I’m not waiting for New Years. Now is the time. I started tracking my food….for caloric consumption as well as for GERD symptoms. I haven’t started exercise yet, but I have taken steps to prepare for it (fresh batteries in the remote to turn on the tv….made sure my exercise area was cleaned).</p><p><br></p><p>I am planning on trying for the 2024 miles in 2024. I haven’t signed up for any official ‘race’…and I waffle back and forth about being official or doing it rogue on my own. Time will tell! :-)</p><p><br></p><p>I am going to make 2024 my year!!!</p><p><br></p><p>Life is tough right now. I cry more often than not. I’m sad a lot of the time. But I’m not going to let life win! I have a lot worth fighting for. Just look at this picture and it’s obvious that I have a lot to fight for! :-)</p><p><br></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1-nP7sVtL7H3t0dUTrkYxJGYAYx8SqrxE&export=download" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-63519439553347018932023-12-02T18:02:00.001-05:002023-12-02T18:02:38.436-05:00Time Flies<p>how has it been a month since I last wrote anything? It feels like yesterday! I wish I could say that I was doing fantastic and had dropped weight, was always happy and felt confident in my job. But I can’t.</p><p><br></p><p>My job. What to say? I am thankful to have a job. I am so very grateful. They have laid off people. My team is a trial. I am made to feel like I can’t to anything right. The stress of that gets me flustered and that just causes me to make errors….a vicious cycle. </p><p><br></p><p>I remain stressed about a few aspects of life. Can anyone say finances? Jason being off work for six months with no pay really hurt it’s going to take quite a while to recover.</p><p><br></p><p>My health. I am on protonic for <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2023/10/the-flux.html?m=1" title="">acid reflux</a>. It doesn’t seem to help. Some meals are worse. Some things don’t seem to affect me. I mean, my morning bowl of cereal doesn’t affect me! But a girl can’t live on cheerios alone can she? I also seem to be good with a pb&j sandwich at lunch….only the sandwich. Adding anything to it is a crap shoot to the appearance of ‘the flux’. I have decided to add a bit of probiotics to my life. Maybe my gut health is playing a part in this mess. So far no change. Honestly, am I eating too much? Am I eating too fast? I’m trying to curb how much I eat and how fast…but I find myself shoveling food in. It’s a bad habit that is proving hard to break. I have an appointment in about 2 weeks with a gastroenterologist. I needed to go anyway to have a colonoscopy (my dad died of colo-rectal cancer). But one of the main topics of discussion at that appointment will be the GERD diagnosis and acid reflux. Jason made a comment a few days ago…and it’s not something that I haven’t thought….he said ‘I’m wondering if you were misdiagnosed’. Since the medication isn’t touching it, it does make one wonder. So I’m just waiting for the appointment with the specialist.</p><p><br></p><p>My weight. Exactly the same. I dropped weight the week after I was at the ER. I felt so miserable I could t eat…and didn’t eat for about 3 days…and then for the next week I only at about 300-600 calories a day. And I lost weight. I was looking fabulous on the scales. The following week I got back to it and ate between 1200-1500 calories and my weight went right back to the ‘unhappy happy weight’ that I am stuck at. It is super frustrating! I’m not giving up…tracking my food (for the Flux as well as for weight loss. And I have vowed that I will get back to my daily workouts. This journey to lose weight is so difficult.</p><p><br></p><p>So that’s where I am at…my angst and worries in life. November flew by and I can’t imagine December will be any different. </p><p><br></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=11Cx261950qIckX7NbwX20oC823fxK8y6&export=download" width="300" height="300"><br></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-73360531172635775452023-10-30T05:59:00.001-05:002023-10-30T05:59:04.709-05:00A New Doctor<p> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px;">I actually for the first time ever was a bit excited and ready to go to the doctor. Yes, I hate to go to the doctor! But I was looking forward to it and ready.</span></p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;">I was trying out a new doctor. Technically, I was trying out a nurse practitioner. The office was quite laid back with everyone wearing shorts and jeans. Was that because it was Friday? Was it in deference to the upcoming holiday? Or was that the normal dress code. I’m unsure. But who cares what people are wearing, I’m there for the knowledge in their heads. The NP was a bit older than I, and she had pink hair. Once again, a Halloween thing or a normal thing? Not sure.</p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;">This office was also appalled that I had been told by a previous doctor, to ignore the acid reflux since it was a ‘silent’ and none severe case. We have adjusted my meds to a ‘long term’ medication. However, the NP is very aware that I do not plan on being on meds all my life…and that my goal is to manage this naturally and she is behind that goal I knew that meds were going to be a thing for the near future so I didn’t fuss. I know we have to figure out exactly what is happening and need it under control in the meantime.</p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;">She has ordered a barium swallow test of some sort (I have it on my paperwork in the other room) to start to try to figure out exactly what is happening. What is causing my cough and throat clearing after I eat. (And of course whatever that is ultimately caused the flare up that landed me in the <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2023/10/dramatic-end-to-vacation.html?m=1" title="">ER</a>). That test may solve that mystery. However, she predicts that it will simply be the guidance needed for the follow up tests that will be ordered by the gastroenterologist that she is recommending that I visit. The other reason for the referral is the fact that she wants me to see a specialist since this acid reflux has been left unchecked and we need to see if it has caused any damage. </p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;">We talked about my cholesterol (it was slightly high at 215), my blood pressure (always high at the doctor, but always normal at home checks) and we talked about the calcium spot on my lung (that was discovered when I had X-rays after my <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2020/05/a-bit-of-accident.html?m=0" title="">accident</a> on the bike a few years back.). Unlike my previous doctor, she scoured the paperwork and information provided by that urgent care facility and radiologist and she picked up on a wee little line about some degeneration of my spine and added that to my clinical notes. We talked about my weight and how I feel as if I am beating my head against the wall in a futile effort to lose weight. All of these things will be addressed in the future. When I brought up my weight (she was not the one that brought it up…I did) she readily admitted that most of my issues would be eradicated with weight loss. I know that historically when I drop the weight my cholesterol drops, my blood pressure regulated, my arthritic knees feel better. And weight loss would also help this acid reflux thing.</p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;">I just had chest X-rays at the hospital the other week so the spot on the lung is a simple thing of comparing the X-rays to make sure the spot didn’t grow (which would indicate some unchecked infection in my body). So that will be an easy check once she has my records and X-rays from both places.<br /></p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;">However, we are not working on my weight together right now. Of course she wants me to continue trying. But at this time our one and only focus through doctor visits is the acid reflux/GERD. Mainly because of the long term damage it can be doing to my body. She doesn’t want to introduce any new meds or greatly different routines to my body at this time…not until we get a handle on the reflux.</p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;">She did recommend adding fish oil..for the cholesterol…to try to combat it naturally. She also recommended that along with my daily protonix pill for the acid reflux that I add in an allergy pill. (Zyrtec, Allegra, Claritin) since my acid reflux really doesn’t seem to be all day..and only after meals…certain meals. She said my acid reflux may be caused by an allergy. </p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;">So I am heading down a path of tests to solve the mysteries. Medicated for the time being, but with the blessing of the doctor heading toward a more natural solution!</p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;">Weight loss….I’m still going full steam ahead with trying to lose weight. I restarted my exercise today! </p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18px; margin-block-start: 0em; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;" />MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-66116483894382625472023-10-25T12:14:00.001-05:002023-10-25T12:14:03.505-05:00The Flux<p>It has been a while, I apologize. It hasn’t been because I’ve been ill. It hasn’t been because of anything bad. It simply is just life<br></p><p><br></p><p>After my trip to the ER I spent quite a bit of time reading and researching acid reflux, and <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2023/10/dramatic-end-to-vacation.html?m=1" title="">GERD</a> I knew that I wanted to try to manage this as naturally as possible, right now I am on rather high doses of medication for acid reflux and the flare up of GERD but I don’t want that to be my forever. I want to manage ‘The Flux’ as I call it in a natural way. <br></p><p><br></p><p>One of the first things I did was to pull out the old pen and paper. I started writing down everything I ate, and then I also started writing down exactly how I felt afterwards , did I feel bloated, did I have indigestion, did I have acid reflux cough? Through this, I have been able to start to identify foods that set me off. Unfortunately, acidic foods like Italian are really bad for me and I love my Italian. Yes, even with the medication these foods are still causing the acid reflux. I will be talking to the doctor about that!<br></p><p><br></p><p>Immediately upon coming home from the ER I knew that my weight had to be taken care. Obesity is a risk factor for having flareups of GERD and acid reflux in general. The first couple days were pretty easy to watch my food intake because there was no interest in food. I was still feeling rough. I would eat a half a banana and feel bloated, so it was very easy for me to curb how much I ate. As time passed it became more difficult as I am now wanting more food and different foods and snacks. However, I have managed to keep my calories in line every day.<br></p><p><br></p><p>I am very cognizant of what I’m eating, and how I’m eating. One of the things that they recommended was to eat slow. It is recommended to put your fork down between each bite. I realized through working to incorporate this practice that I shovel food into my mouth quickly. I actually put my next bite into my mouth before I actually swallow the previous bite. I am making a conscious effort to slow down and swallow before I eat the next bite. I’ve also realize that I’m really not hungry as often as I think! It is mental! Smaller portions make my mind spin as I am sure that I will be hungry with so little food. But time and time again I eat and I find that I’m actually quite ok and not left hungry at all! I’m learning more about my body and my eating habits!</p><p><br></p><p>It’s a learning process….and I have a long way to go!</p><p><br></p><p>I’ve seen the scale drop down…and then jump up. It’s like the scale has a kind of its own! I’m currently fly staying off of the scale. Friday. That is the day that I am allowing myself to check! Simply by calories eaten, I should show a nice loss!</p><p><br></p><p>Friday is the big day. I have an appointment with a new medical practice for my family doctor needs. I am actually seeing a nurse practitioner. She has great reviews as someone that listens and takes her time. So I am hopeful! I have my laundry list of things to talk about. First and foremost, the flux and the GERD. I need to know the immediate treatment plan this period where I am working on management techniques. But I have a few things that I discussed with my family doctor that were brushed aside when I mentioned them. (Which had made me start to look for a new doctor even before the ‘ohh it’s just <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2023/10/dramatic-end-to-vacation.html?m=1" title="">acid reflux</a>…nothing to be concerned about’ debacle.). For once, I’m actually looking forward to seeing a doctor. I’m a girl on a mission.</p><p><br></p><p>Through the last few weeks I haven’t exercised. Honestly the first week to week and a half I felt bad. But information I received was conflicting. Some say curtail exercise during a GERD flare up and some said ‘light exercise’. So I am playing it cautious and waiting for the ok from the doctor. If I get the ok…I’m kicking that into high gear!</p><p><br></p><p>I honestly feel as if this GERD attack was just the unfortunate result of ‘the perfect storm’. We had been on vacation. I ate spicy Mexican food a few times. Pizza a few times. We even ate greasy fast food! I drank soda every day. I had lots of chocolate. I mean, I ticked off so many boxes on the list of possible triggers that it was ridiculous! And the vacation came to a close and the stress of ‘real life crashed down upon me’….why yes, stress is a trigger. I am not banking on the ‘once in a lifestime storm’. My goal is to fix myself!!</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1RKOSdAhVLpCgcjzIgCJkDF1MOS0E0gae" width="300" height="300"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I’ll end with the dog. </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Zoey is doing well…we wear her out on the weekends! (She sleeps while I’m at work…so she isn’t as whipped on week days!). </span><br></p><p><br></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-35296997159639003952023-10-10T08:45:00.001-05:002023-10-10T10:03:00.082-05:00Dramatic End to Vacation<p>All good things must come to an end…and vacation is one of them. We had a fabulous vacation. It was much needed. It was productive. It was too short. And sadly, it ended on a bad note.</p><p><br></p><p><b>Vacation</b></p><p>In my last <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2023/10/vacation-mode.html?m=1" title="">post</a> I shared the news (and before pictures) that we were on a staycation and that we were going to be spending a bulk of our time painting our barn with some outdoor hikes thrown in for good measure. As the aforementioned post indicated, we were off to a good start with painting and a day at a lake in the Micheaux State Forest. </p><p><br></p><p>I am happy to say that the painting is done! (Well it is done as far as we planned to be done). The shed looks so nice all freshly painted!</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1IsK7OUalCpO7L0VUYVKA91gxlKV6U9tr" width="0" height="0" data-x="0" data-y="0" style="width: 302px; height: 302px;"><br></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1HGHSVz2_BS9ULbfDUkqMnr14ufwYH1Tl" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1XQaSjPeXO4E47G2ClUkaPMRLW_zvIzLo" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p>We look like we care now!!! </p><p><br></p><p>We also did get up to Cowans Gap (a PA state park). It was crazy seeing it with the water in the lake let down (basically the lake with no water). Just for reference…we had been up there in February with Zoey when she was about 4 months old. (Why the pictures never made it to a post back then is beyond me). Here is what the lake SHOULD look like. </p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1uWfukO19p4Ac240iPJW0vkfFw_yhDbVh" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">But the water has been let down in order for them to work on the dam and to reclaim the sand from the beach. It looks so different (sorry no pictures from the same spot as Zoey still wouldn’t go across the grate bridge at the dam and while we carried her the last visit she was only 40 pounds)</span>. But you can see the difference with these pictures!</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1xSJDpiXQ8MLMvCKjXJHxCfFcKPTLXFY8" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=12Xb3BETmwoUSp5Mmw_4kv05AIzgNX3kL" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=18GCgZVXwgl0sU7ckR4gkDmdCXSZu0cgl" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p>What a difference! We had a good time though! And we wore Zoey out! </p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1EYj_jszlbDqA3qor71BNwdynePuLI_6r" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The vacation time went way too fast and before we knew it we were heading into our last day of vacation! It was the last day when things turned around!</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><b>Drama and Pain</b></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The last morning we were awaken by a sick dog. Yeah, nothing like being awoke from a blowout…oh my, the smell! It happened once or twice more…and you could tell it hit and she just didn’t have the time to alert us that she needed to go out. She was miserable. I felt so bad. But as the day progressed she seemed to perk up and by mo day she seemed back to normal. But due to that I spent my morning scrubbing out her crate…and the cleaning some carpets. (The joys of having a pet). I didn’t eat breakfast because I honestly just forgot in the craziness. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I was in the shower when I first felt the pain. It was high in my stomach. Just under my breast…dead center. The first time it was just an ache that swept over me. When it happened my only thought was ‘dude I need to sit down’. I rushed through my shower and sat down. And relaxed. It passed pretty quickly and I went on with my day. I don’t remember it hitting me badly again during the early part of the day. I was still feeling good, and took the time to make salads for my week and I put together a tray of lasagna for our dinner on Monday night. And I even finished a bit of painting on the shed (the hardware). Little twinges of discomfort hit me but nothing too bad. However as the day progressed the twinges of discomfort started coming at more regular intervals. I even felt a bit nauseous. I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything all day and thought that must be hungry (a foreign concept for me…and one that always throws me for a loop when I feel a true hunger pang. I have had issues of this in the <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2006/08/last-night-we-went-to-italian.html?m=1" title="">pas</a>t, where I am actually hungry but THINK I’m sick because I interpret the hunger pains as sickness.). By the time dinner rolled around I was feeling bad. But I forced myself to eat…still convinced that it was hunger pains. Food didn’t exactly make it better but it didn’t seem to make it worse. I did however tell Jason, ‘I just don’t feel right’.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I went to bed, reluctantly because I was dreading going back to work! I remember waking up and before I even got out of bed thinking , oh thank heavens, the pain is gone’. But I was mistaken. I started to move around and voila, the pain was back. This time I was sure it was stress. Vacation had been relatively stress free…and going back to work and back to real life brought it all crashing back. Makes sense right? I was sure that’s why I was feeling pain in my upper abdominal area….notice I was refusing to think any higher to heart! After all, that had happened to me before where I had chest pains and it turned out to be stress (and apparently all tests at that time pointed at me being healthy as a horse). I ignored the pain and went to work.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">At work, I just wanted to lay my head down on my desk and cry as the pains intensified and washed over me. It came in waves. I’d have a bit of time where it was just a dull ache…but then it would hit and I would just curl up (literally) as the pain rocked through me. I was in tears more than once. Taking the dog out was pure madness…I was feeling horrible. The mere thought of food or drink made me want to hurl. So nothing passed my lips…which only added to how miserable and weak I was feeling I’m sure. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">By 1:00 pm I was at my wits end. I never call off sick! But I did. I slept the afternoon away (discovering if I laid on my side the pain almost totally disappeared). But when the pain came back it hit with a force if I moved from that one position even if it was to recline on my back. </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"> The dog was a mess….she just wanted to lay on me and take care of me…but 100 pounds on top of someone that is wracked with pain wasn’t a good thing.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I started to get concerned…could this be my heart? After all, I have had two people from my school years have heart issues. I didn’t do anything….not until Jason came home. (I honestly didn’t want to drive I felt that badly and off kilter). He took me to the ER. (I knew urgent care would say ‘possible heart’ and ship me to the er anyway). Immediately upon arrival they did an ekg. (Literally; before I even got a room, they did an EKG). When the doctor saw me the first words out of his mouth were ‘your EKG looked good’. Which of course is not definitive….but a good first sign. They drew blood to test my enzyme levels. (Apparently when you have a heart attack your body produces proteins/enzymes). So we did that process. My enzyme levels that would indicate a heart attack remained incredibly low. Thank heavens. So we were eventually able to rule out heart as the cause of my issues. And then we went on to other things.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The end result? GERD. Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease. It makes sense. A few years back I had talked to my doctor about the fact that most times I ate I would have a wet sounding phlegmy cough…never quite coughing anything up. I would cough once or twice and then I would be ok. My family doctor advised that it was acid reflux but that it was nothing to be concerned with…since it was just a small annoying cough once or twice after eating. When the doctor at the ER mentioned it, both jason and I at the same time were like ‘our family doctor mentioned acid reflux’. And I told the ER doctor what she had said and that she wasn’t concerned and said it was under control. The doctor gave a rueful chuckle and said ‘apparently it wasn’t under control since you are laying here in my ER’. They gave me a couple IV’s with various acid </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">reflux meds and they sent me home with 3 prescriptions for heavy hitting doses of medications (stuff I can normally get OTC but higher doses apparently to get me past this flare up).</span></p><p><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It’s now the next morning and both Jason and I called out sick since we were in the ER late. Plus I have to get my meds from the pharmacy before the IV meds wear off. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><b>What did I learn during my ER visit</b></span></p><p><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">1. It’s time for a new family doctor. We have been talking about it for the last few months. We have not been happy with the family doctor we have. She has ignored some complaints and issues that I have taken to her. And this is the final straw. She could have at least given me the risks of this ‘silent acid reflux’ issue and let me decide on how to proceed versus just brushing it aside.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">2. Don’t play with chest pains. I should have admitted it much earlier and either called an ambulance or someone to drive me. (Jason preached this point to me…as he was freaked out that I waited for so many hours after I admitted to myself that it was chest pains.)</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">3. GERD is usually managed via medication. Hopefully the higher doses won’t be necessary long term and I can rely on OTC versions as needed. But it will be a learning process….and I will have to pay a lot more attention to what foods cause the acid reflux reactions. It will be difficult because I’m the cough is now just part of who I am that I barely pay any attention to it. (For example, I just ate some toast, first food in more than 24 hours. I can’t remember if I did the throat clearing cough or not…..). This will involve tracking my food…</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">which I need for weight loss anyway and just adding that e xtra note about the cough and any heartburn/chest pain). Hopefully I can manage this simply by knowing what foods trigger this and taking a dose of medication proactively versus taking a daily preventative medication (s).</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">4. While doing my research on GERD I saw that there are some lifestyle changes that can help ease the symptoms. They include things like the above mentioned finding and avoiding trigger foods. It also includes avoiding alcohol and smoking. No problem since I rarely drink and I never smoke. Avoiding carbonated beverages will be a bit more of a challenge…but luckily I TYPICALLY don’t drink a lot…maybe one can a day. They recommend eating smaller meals throughout the day. Not a problem on that one either…but it will make me turn away from the ‘one meal a day’ intermittent fasting method that I’ve been toying with trying. Chocolate, spicy foods, fatty foods…foods high in acid…are all possible triggers. So it’s recommended to limit those. Like really, I was on vacation and drank a ton of carbonated beverages, ate fatty foods, and chocolate and the night before this happened a spicy Mexican meal. The night before was pizza. Every food was full of things that is possible triggers. So yes, watch my food intake. But the BIGGEST lifestyle change to help ease the symptom is to lose weight and maintain the loss.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">5. Water water water! Water helps dilute the acid in the esophagus and it is neutral so helps balance the PH levels that are out of whack. Not drinking water let’s the acid run free. I’ve been lacking with water lately. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">So yeah, full circle back to weight loss. After I got the ‘heart looks ok’ report jason ran home to take care of the dog before coming back to the hospital and we texted a few times while he was with the dog. (The dog is ok for 5-6 hours during the day…but with her upset belly we didn’t want to push it that long..and luckily the hospital is only 5 minutes or so from our house.). The weight loss thing can be summed up by sharing his text with you.</span></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1SiSu13LGVOGhqMQpU_UjUsr97bqu0QmO" width="300" height="300"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">So there you have it. No more BS. I NEED a lifestyle change. Early stages of GERD are bad enough. But stage four..precancerous and cancer. Not cool! No more BS, it’s time!</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1wuL1vnVrG7GFHI2Q-QLR5BLN8ZEYpDNW" width="0" height="0" data-x="0" data-y="0" style="width: 302px; height: 302px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><br></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-28403307581328072022023-10-02T19:28:00.001-05:002023-10-03T05:46:25.765-05:00Vacation Mode<p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is Monday and I am happy to say that I am on vacation all week long! I have been dreaming about our time off for weeks! It is a staycation…we aren’t going anywhere. But we do have a few things planned! </span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><b>The Shed</b></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Last year for our vacation we opted to stay home to tear down a lean-to addition on our shed and rebuild it. It was a a busy week as we tore it down and rebuilt. We had a fire going in our fire pit going the whole vacation and the old shed was burned one piece at a time that week. The week ended and the shed was still incomplete. Slowly it got completed…kinda (very slowly since Jason got injured shortly after vacation…you can read about that <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2022/11/a-year-for-record-books.html?m=0" title="">here</a>. Luckily Jason’s dad helped us with getting it done!). The shed has been in a state of being under roof but the new section was still bare wood and the old section was painted who knows when and it was obviously in need of fresh paint). So when we decided that a go away vacation was not in the financial cards for us this year we decided to paint that shed! Here is some pics of before we painted. </span></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1GI3OV8QRagALXTHUgcP2Uwsj1yDqS_q0" width="300" height="300"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=11anStlbjgKCfeNAnGmMfjyl_3ILXj08F" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"> The pics make it look small. It’s not huge but bigger than it looks. The leanto (bottom picture) is 20x10. The main part is 25x12. With an overhang in the front. The area under the over hang is an additional 25x12 (Jason says it would be prefect for an alpaca…hahahah)</span><br></p><p><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is Monday and we have now completed two full days of painting. It looks so good! We chose green…and it will be trimmed in white. (Stay tuned for completed pictures)</span><br></p><p><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">After painting all day today, I’m so tired!</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><b>Fun staycation stuff</b></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Our vacation is not all work though! We are trying and hoping to do a work day and then a relax fun day. Back and forth. So we worked on the shed on Saturday and on Sunday we headed to Micheaux State Forest (PA state forest) and did a bit of hiking. It was actually shorter than normal. Zoey still gets a bit overexcited with new things and we haven’t been hiking much. So we are keeping our hikes shorter while we ‘break her in. But it was still awesome to get out!</span></p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=18OvugkicdZaxEtZihYb_Cj-DN5IZhYc1" width="300" height="300"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p>It wore Zoey our! She slept so hard when we got home….with her nose by HER sock. (Our theory is that if we give her old socks that she won’t go after our good ones!)</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=19ZmP5_D0-nzkvyJQllqTARSlQDVNFZvI" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p> </p><p>We have some more short outdoor/hiking trips planned this week. Tomorrow should be Cowans Gap…at least that’s the plan. (We have a few other things to do also…more errand type stuff). Apparently they have drained the lake…and we are nosey and want to see it without water! It should be interesting. The last time we took Zoey there she was too afraid to walk over the bridge that had a grate versus a solid bridge deck. At that time she weighed about 40 pounds and I carried her over the bridge. She is over 100 pounds now….now sure how carrying her would work! Hahaha</p><p><br></p><p><b>Anniversary</b></p><p><br></p><p>Tomorrow will be our second year wedding anniversary. Yes, two years ago we went on vacation and got married. Fun fun!! (Your can read about it <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2021/10/a-confession-i-have-been-keeping-huge.html?m=0" title="">here</a>. And that includes a link to my outlive video about it!). We decided to do our annual wedding/anniversary cake again. But decided to keep it within the confines of our weekend sweet treat and have our cake on the weekend before our anniversary. So we have been enjoying our anniversary cake.</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1RCXdtET35hz_vNmA0vsbE5PKIvWLm8UV" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Vacation will be over too soon….but I am ready to get myself back on track with getting healthy. I have to focus on my health….I’m not getting younger!!!</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-90592475125281162812023-09-21T06:26:00.001-05:002023-10-02T18:54:31.948-05:00Tenative steps and a birthday<p>Zoey is one year old!!!! Yay! We celebrated with her of course! </p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=19ZdHWJT-sxgucTSiAJ4rn1uVfbWFOeuV" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p>She had cake! </p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1mJB4hLnvgTmOBPTOfn9f4c-mjFwvWhvh" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><br></p><p>And a steak dinner. </p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=11qwO661yvagZvuHebrDKqOkSYGHrZ2S2" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><br></p><p>She got a toy and a huge bone as presents! The toy was a hit, the bone was so big that it intimidated her! Hahaha!</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1Lb_57LNEt2Jh-Z46kYp8UwYy_4_r9t8I" width="300" height="300" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Luckily the cake was a dog cake, so I wasn’t tempted! Although it smelled good and was all human food ingredients to make it, so I should have tasted it! </span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">In the midst of the birthday girl celebrations, I saw a post about a gal I knew from college who passed away. I knew she had been on the hospital but didn’t know why. Curious I looked at her FB feed and saw that someone had mentioned that she had open heart surgery…within the last days of her life. She was my age. How sobering! My age! This is not the first person my age that had had heart surgery in the last few months! When I saw the first one (triple bypass) I was like ‘wow, that’s a wake up call’. That gal survived. This second one didn’t. Another wake up call. And honestly, this second one has scared me! </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I fell off the rails about a year ago. I’ve been struggling with my weight. I got back with the exercise in January…and was religious about getting it done every day until June or July. Then I slipped. The last two months have been a free for all. Ok, maybe not that bad. But there was little to no tracking. No exercise. Very few healthy habits. I still thought about wanting to lose though! I just didn’t do anything about it!</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The wake up call of this gal that passed away is stuck in my head. I can’t get it out of my head. And you know what? That’s not a bad thing. </span></p><p><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I have started to track my food. I’m on day four! </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I’ve gotten back to exercising. I have exercised for three days! </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Healthy habits…such as water? I’m making an effort to drink more. That is a work in progress…but I’m making steps in the right direction!</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-58046738359671974792023-09-15T05:02:00.001-05:002023-09-15T05:02:39.869-05:00Surviving<p>It’s been a hot minute…again! I’m here. I think about posting. However I am always thinking about it and saying to myself, tonight…or tomorrow. And those times never come. Well they come but they are wicked up with other activities and responsibilities. So here I am at 5:30am writing.</p><p><br></p><p>Weight</p><p><br></p><p>I guess I should start with my weight since this was created as a weight loss journey. So the down and dirty about my weight? Nothing. I have thought about it…made efforts to start. (Ok, so what if those efforts were mostly in my mind.). But I have done pretty much nothing to get the weight off. I have not recommended tracking. I have not recommenced exercise. I’ve thought about it a lot. That counts for something right?</p><p><br></p><p>So I am here to tell you that my weight is exactly the same. I want it to change, but I just can’t seem to find it in me to add anything else to my life. Which is crazy because I know that if I got the weight under control that I would feel so good physically!</p><p><br></p><p>Work</p><p>Work continues to really drag me down. I’m not going to say much because it is my job…and I do need to retain my employment status. But the team I’m on is extremely toxic. BAD! I won’t go any further than that…but it’s not healthy.</p><p><br></p><p>Genera life</p><p>The life concerns are still there and they are overwhelming at times. I try to deal with everything but the pain just bubbles up. Yesterday I was walking the dog on my work break and was thinking about work. And I just wanted to talk to my mom. But while she is alive, she is not really there for me. It’s hard to explain, but she just isn’t ‘there’. Her attention span is gone…and she is so buried in her thoughts and misery or whatever that if I do talk to her she usually interrupts me mid sentence to say something random and not at all related, something like ‘where are my shoes’. So I was outside sobbing because while I still have my mom, I really don’t have my mom. The finances overwhelm me at times. It’s just a continually cycle of being overwhelmed…work…money…mom.</p><p><br></p><p>Jason has been my rock. He is the bright spot. I know it bothers him, because he has commented about never seeing me smile anymore. And I try….I really try. </p><p><br></p><p>Survive…not thrive</p><p><br></p><p>So this morning I was thinking and praying and the best way to describe my life right now is that I’m surviving but not thriving. I’m surviving. I’m going to work. I’m paying all my bills (yes, all bills are paid and paid on time). I’m doing everything that needs done….but it’s seemingly just enough to survive. Not getting ahead…not thriving. I’m surviving. </p><p>I’ll leave you with a pic of the dog!</p><p><img src="https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1vGi4qY_qBhN4tzDO1Z0LdTUpDYYql4nZ" width="300" height="300"><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-14579049957350867612023-08-30T08:00:00.000-05:002023-08-31T07:38:28.109-05:00Slippery Slope<p> I have been on a slippery slope these last few months. The trajectory of what I am doing has the potential to be disastrous to my weight loss journey. I have GOT to make a change and correct this course!</p><p><br /></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20595227.post-25987143203764520432023-08-21T07:38:00.002-05:002023-08-21T07:38:20.547-05:00A week long post<p>8/14/2023</p><p><br /></p><p>Has it already been a week since I last posted? Ok, So actually more than a week. ~sigh~ Where does time go? I swear I wake up and start the day blink and then it's over! I feel as if I'm constantly on the go for most of the time that I'm awake! It's nuts!</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Enough is Enough </b> </p><p>So my first week of trying to take <a href="http://www.beliefinmyself.com/2023/08/enough-is-enough.html">control of the one thing in my life </a>that I have utter control of was partially successful. I was a whole lot more cognizant of what I was eating. and I made some better choices in my food selections. However, I tracked next to nothing. So I have no clue how many calories I ate. So not exactly a failure, but not exactly a success. I am calling it a successful baby step back into being fully on track! </p><p>The weekend rolled around and we celebrated Jason's birthday. I did eat a bit too much food over the weekend. But I vowed that Monday was the day that I was stepping up my game. I didn't promise myself full perfection, I simply vowed to step up the game. </p><p>So bright and early Monday morning I was exercising. (5:30AM). I tracked my food for the day. I felt really good about my efforts. My water consumption was a bit spotty, but baby steps. Like I said, I'm not expecting perfection simply positive steps in the right direction. Ohhh and did I mention that my stomach hurt on Monday morning yet I STILL exercised? </p><p>It is Tuesday morning about 9AM while I'm writing this (IT is working on my work computer and has taken control. leaving me with nothing to do but stare at the computer while they click and make changes...so perfect time to write a blog post) . I have already tracked my food that I'm planning on eating today. </p><p><br /></p><p>8/21/2023 </p><p>I am doing such a horrible job of juggling everything. I literally had my last post on August 6th. I started to write a post on August 14th (above) and I am just getting back to it now on Monday August 21st! What in the world?</p><p>So Exercise last week was pretty good. I exercised all but one day! I also already exercised this morning at 5AM! Go me! My food. It wasn't terrible, but I only tracked sporadically. I am really struggling with getting back to tracking regularly. Really struggling with that! Time is one of the issues. (obviously since it took me a week to get back to writing this post!) My weight is fluctuating in a 5 pound range. I don't like when I'm at the top end of that range, but I am happy that I'm staying within that same range!</p><p><br /></p><p>That said, I am sitting here saying to myself "MaryFran, you are 50 years old. The weight is going to catch up to you sooner rather than later. " I have been lucky thus far in life that I have not really struggled with any weight related diseases. Heck, I've been pretty healthy all around. But I have this oppressive fear that it is going to come around and bite me in the arse! Seriously, I have a gal I went to high school with that just had open heart surgery/triple bypass! I'm scared! Yet, I struggle to get myself under control. How in the world can I turn my fear into actual actions. I feel insane to even be typing about my fear yet continuing to be lax about my tracking of my food. </p><p>I want to be thin. I want to feel good. I want to not feel uncomfortable in clothes. I don't want my legs to ache. I have the reasons. I just need to get the gumption!</p><p>I am the one in control of my eating. I know it! Yet am I REALLY taking control?</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>MaryFranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02507347923712459651noreply@blogger.com2